


Make Believe

by marriedzukka



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends, College AU, F/M, Highschool AU, Musician Killian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 54,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marriedzukka/pseuds/marriedzukka
Summary: Killian Jones & Emma Nolan have been inseparable since childhood, but when Emma gets the chance to move to New York for school, Killian has a choice to make. Will he let her slip away or will he admit to the feelings he's been hiding all along?
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Kudos: 26





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on ff.net back in 2014. I've always wanted to upload it here but just hadn't had a chance to up until now. There have been some minor grammatical changes here and there but the story is the same. I hope you enjoy!

Emma had fallen asleep at her desk, attempting to finish what was left of her French homework. Easier said than done. It was towards the end of senior year now, and she'd lost most of her motivation to finish out strong. And it didn't help that her room had a sweet ambiance to it at night: candle burning, her mellow indie playlist playing, and the soft glow of twinkling lights that hung around her window. It was so cozy in there sometimes…and this wasn't the first time she'd fallen asleep trying to get work done.

She was woken up by the sound of a knock on her window. There was only one person that could be.

She groggily walked over and pulled back the curtain to see him there, on her roof, smiling that mischievous smile of his.

"Killian, what are you doing here? It's late," she whined as she opened the window.

"C'mon, it's been forever since we sat out here. And look at all those stars!"

He was giving her that damn puppy dog look, the one that she knew all too well.

"Fine," she sighed. "Just for a little bit…I think my dad will be home soon."

Killian and Emma had been best friends for as long as they'd known each other. He'd moved to Storybrooke from Ireland with his dad and older brother back when they were kids.

He was sort of a shy kid then. His thick European accent threw a lot of kids off, so he mostly stayed to himself. That was, until he met Emma. One day in the first grade, she offered him a crayon, and they'd been thick as thieves ever since.

Now here they were, both seniors in high school. He was no longer lanky and awkward, and she'd grown up quite a bit, too. Emma would never admit it, but she had always thought he was handsome.

They were almost always together, save for when they were in separate classes or Killian was working a shift down at the coffee shop. They walked to school together every morning, like they'd always done since they were kids. He would wait for her at the fence, with a cup of hot chocolate dusted with cinnamon (being a barista had its perks). He knew her well enough to know not to speak to her until she'd had some of it to drink.

They both knew each other so well. They'd grown up together, alongside each other. Being together was as effortless as breathing. It always had been.

Usually after school, Killian would come over to her parents' house, and they'd watch movies or do homework...or pretty much whatever they felt like. Emma's parents, The Nolans, were a sweet couple. Her mother, Mary Margaret, was a teacher at the local elementary school, and her father David was the Sheriff. They liked Killian. They knew that he and Emma were best friends, but they would never press the matter further with their daughter, because she was about as headstrong as they come. She wasn't one to talk about her emotions a lot, at least not to them. If she hadn't mentioned it, they wouldn't either.

One particular pastime that Emma and Killian liked, was to sit on her roof and stargaze. They would lay there next to each other and talk about anything and everything that would come to mind. Sometimes he would bring his guitar up there, sometimes just a cigarette.

This night on the roof was particularly lovely, because the weather had recently turned as spring made it's descent into Storybrooke. The air was warm and sweet, and the cherry blossom tree outside her window had just bloomed, dusting the front yard with soft pink petals. He had to climb up the tree to reach her.

She reached over and brushed the petals out of his hair. She'd always loved his hair. It was soft and jet black and hung over his eyes a little. It was the complete opposite of her own: long, thick blonde waves. They were like two sides of the same coin. Light and dark.

He lit up his cigarette and laid down next to her. The sky was brilliantly speckled with stars. Living in a small town like Storybrooke had its perks, and this was definitely one of them. You could always see the stars.

"What were you working on when you fell asleep?" he asked.

Emma sighed. "Just some stupid French homework. I don't know, I just don't feel like doing any of it, you know?"

"I hear you. I failed my Chemistry test today," he said with a laugh.

"Killian!" she laughed. "You've got to get your shit together."

"Oh, and why's that?" he said, taking another puff.

"Because," Emma crooned. "You've got to keep up your GPA if you plan on going to college next semester."

"Actually," he started, "I was thinking about just working for a bit, maybe taking a few classes here, at Storybrooke College. I want to save up and finally buy a boat...like I've always wanted."

"Storybrooke College...the community college?"

"The very same. And what about you? Have you heard from any more schools yet?"

"Just the one in Boston so far. To be honest, I'm starting to feel afraid that I'm not going to."

"You'll be fine. I'm sure you'll hear from more soon…you're bloody brilliant. But Jesus," he sighed. "Boston is so far, Swan."

**Swan.** That was his nickname for her. When they were little, they used to play a make believe game called "Pirates and Princesses." Usually she was the princess in distress, and he'd be the pirate who would sail to save her in her hour of need, but sometimes they'd switch it up. Sometimes Emma wanted to be the pirate, and he'd pretend to be a prince. She had named her pirate ship "The Black Swan." Hence, her nickname.

"I know," she replied, knowing exactly what he meant. _Boston is so far from_ **_me,_ ** _Swan_.

"I know."

They sat in silence for a while, and Killian puffed out the last of his cigarette, flicking it into the gutter. He sat his knees up, and loosely hung his arms over them, fingers lacing together.

Emma finally spoke up. "Hey, isn't senior prom soon?"

"Fuck if I know," he laughed. "It's not like I'm going, anyway."

"Yeah, I don't know if I want to yet," she admitted. "But then again, it's our last chance to go to something like that. Maybe it would be fun. There's gonna be a shit ton of food, and dancing-"

"I don't dance, Swan."

"Hah," she laughed. "No shit, Sherlock. I know you'd rather brood around with your guitar than dance any day."

"Right you are, love!" he said, cocking his eyebrows at her sarcastically.

"What if we both got dates and then all went together?" she asked.

"Emma, seriously. I really don't want to go."

What he had really wanted to say was: _I don't want to go unless I can go with_ **_you._ **

But that was never going to happen. They were friends, best friends, and he knew that she liked it that way. At least, he was pretty sure. She'd never made him think otherwise.

"Well, your loss then buddy," she said as she sat up next to him. "I actually think I may have a date already. Well, I mean nothing is set in stone, but I think someone might ask me."

"Who the hell would wanna take you out?" he snarked.

"Shut up!" she laughed, punching him in the arm.

"Okay, okay," he said. "Who, then?"

"Neal Cassidy."

He scoffed. "The pothead? Jesus fuck, Emma. You can do better than that."

"He's not a pothead!" she shouted, and then realized that maybe she shouldn't say things like that so loud when her mother could possibly hear. She turned to him and spoke in a lower tone. "He's not a pothead. I mean he does get high sometimes but he's actually nice. We have a few classes together. I think he may like me."

Just then, Killian started humming a little tune, a smug look creeping across his face.

" _Emma and Neal, sitting in a tree-"_

"Oh my god," she said. "How old are you?"

He continued anyway. " _K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"_

"You are so fucking annoying," she laughed.

He laughed along with her. (He had always made it one of his goals to make her laugh every day. Her smile was one of his favorite things in the entire world).

"Sorry, you're right," he confessed. "I'm being an ass. If you like him and he asks you, then why not."

She shot him a quizzical look. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, well. I trust your judgment."

She was pleasantly surprised by his acceptance of this whole thing. "Thanks, Killian."

He looked over at her. "Sure thing, love. If I'm not going to go, at least go with someone you'll have fun with."

As he looked at her, he saw a look of remembrance passing over Emma's face, and with it, a sly smile.

"Do you remember-"

"Oh god," he said. "I think I know where this is going."

That made her laugh, but she continued. "Do you remember that time you kissed me when we were kids?"

"Fuck," he said, lowering his face into his hands. "I knew you were gonna say that. You just really love bringing that up every few years, don't you?"

Seeing his reaction garnered a deep belly laugh from Emma.

"We were six years old, Swan!"

"I was the princess, and you had just 'saved me' from unspeakable peril in the high seas…and, and you just fucking kissed me!"

"This is my worst nightmare," he said, trying to hold back his embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said as she rested her head on his shoulder, holding back tears from laughing so hard.

Just then, a bright blue Camaro pulled up in front of the house. Killian's older brother Liam stepped out and waved at them.

"Well, looks like my ride is here, Swan. I'll see you in the morning."

Emma smiled up at him. "Bye."

She watched him as he scaled down the tree and hopped to the ground with a thud.

When he was partly down the sidewalk, she shouted, "The usual? 7:45, hot chocolate?"

He turned around and walked backwards, smiling that gorgeous smile of his. "Always!"

She waited until the car had turned the corner before she went inside.

On the ride home, Killian thought of that kiss that Emma was so fond of remembering at the worst times. Smiling to himself, he remembered the way she looked right before he'd done it. Beautiful, sparkling green eyes, waves of yellow cradling her face. He just couldn't help himself. She had been the princess and he'd saved her, it had only felt right in his six year old mind.

But he had known, even then, that he was completely done for. He had loved her then, when he gave her that little peck on the lips.

And though he didn't want to admit it to himself, he still did.


	2. Hydrangeas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma makes a friend. Senior prom approaches.

Emma sighed with frustration as her hands dropped to her sides. "I'm gonna fail this test, Killian. And then I'm never going to get into college. I'm going to become homeless and desolate and then I'll die a slow, painful death," she said, dramatically falling onto the bed next to where he was sitting.

He'd been attempting to help her study for her French final for over two hours now, and she didn't feel any better off than when they started.

"Hush, Swan. You'll be fine. Plus, you've already sent out applications for college anyway. It's a little late for that."

"Ughhhhh," she grunted. "Fine. Let's try the flash cards. I'm pretty good at those…I could use a confidence boost."

He muffled a laugh as he picked up the stack of cards. She sat up across from him on the bed and faced him, legs crossed.

"Okay," he started. "How do you say…?"

One by one they flipped through the cards, and she got through them pretty quickly, throwing around the best French accent she could muster, which made him smile.

She loved his smile. Sometimes when they were close enough, she could see the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled. And if she got him to laugh hard enough, sometimes she could spot a little dimple on his cheek. Sitting across from him on the bed, she noticed something else about him, though. She'd always thought he was handsome, but he was more than that. He was easy on the eyes, to say the least. He was wearing his Kinks t-shirt underneath a light flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up. Wrapped around his wrist was a light brown lace from one of Emma's boots. She'd given it to him years ago, after his dad had left town…as a way to show him that she'd never leave him like that. He'd worn it every day since.

He'd grown some scruff, too. And his hair was doing that thing where it curled a little at the end as it hung over his eyes. And his eyes, well. She'd never known a deeper blue.

 _What the hell, Emma?_ She thought. _This is Killian you're thinking about, here. Killian. Snap out of it._

She could feel the heat rising up in her cheeks, embarrassed with herself. She hoped he hadn't seen her staring. Emma looked down at her hands to get her mind back on track.

"Okay, last one," he said. He slowly picked up the card and paused a moment before reading it out loud.

"I love you."

Emma's head snapped back up, a look of surprise etched on her face. "What?"

He looked at her for a moment, and she could feel a knot tightening in her stomach. Then he held up the note card.

"The card, Swan. How do you say 'I love you'?"

"Oh, right," she said shaking her head. _Oh my god, that was a close one._

"Je t'aime," she answered.

He smiled.

* * *

The hallway at school was crammed with other students, rushing to get to their next destination. Emma pushed through the crowd towards her locker, which was next to Killian's. They were lucky, because seniors could choose their own lockers, and naturally, they wanted to be right next to each other.

"Hey," she called, walking up to him as he slid some books into his locker.

"Hey. How'd you do on your test?"

"I think I did okay actually," she answered. "Last night really helped."

He thought about the look on her face when he'd said "I love you."

"Good," he smiled. "I'm glad."

She opened up her locker and began pulling out the books she needed.

"So," she started, "I think Neal may come over after school today. He said he had something to ask me. I think it's about prom…"

"Yikes," he said.

"I know," she sighed. "I told him he could join us to watch a movie, like we usually do. That way if he asks, I'll know for sure if I want to go with him. I don't know him outside of school."

"I can't today, Swan. I've got work."

"Shit, no. Come on, Killian!"

"I'm sorry," he laughed. "I guess you and Neal will have to be all alone without me."

"Oh god, it's going to be so awkward…I need you there. What if he tries to ask me? I have no idea how to do this whole _hey I like you lets hang out sometime-thing._ You're the only person I ever hang out with. _"_

"I don't know if I should feel flattered or not," he laughed. "I can't get out of this shift, though. I told August I'd cover for him."

Emma pressed her forehead against her locker. "I should just tell Neal not to come, it's going to be so awkward now."

"Emma, don't worry about it. I get off at 6, I can come over after that, if you want."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?!"

He laughed. "You're pathetic, you know that?"

She smiled back at him. "Shut up. And…thank you."

"No problem, Swan."

* * *

He went through his shift with only one thing on his mind: the fact that Neal was over at Emma's house, where he should be: sitting next to her on the couch, probably laughing with her in the kitchen, maybe even sitting in her room. The thought made him almost _jealous._

As soon as his shift was over, he rode his bike over to her house as fast as he could.

"Killian, how nice to see you," Mary Margaret said as he came inside. "I was beginning to wonder if you were gonna come by today."

"Nice to see you as well, Ms. Nolan," he said, planting a kiss on her cheek. She was as much a mother figure to him as any, considering his own had died when he was a baby.

"I just got off work and thought I'd still stop by."

She gave him her signature sweet smile. "Well, I'm certainly glad you did. Emma and Neal are in the living room watching a movie. You can go on in."

He walked down the hall towards the living room, and as he turned the corner, he saw them sitting on the couch. Emma's head popped up first and a smile stretched across her face.

"Hey you," she said. "It's about time. Come sit with us!"

He walked over and sat in the armchair, next to the side of the couch where Emma was sitting. He nodded at Neal to acknowledge him.

"Neal."

"Hey man, what's up?"

"Not much. What have you guys been up to?"

Emma answered. "Not much. We went out for a walk while it was nice, but then it looked like it was about to rain, so we came back, and now we're just watching a movie. How was work?"

"Oh you know, the usual. Busy. It wasn't too bad, though. It went by fast."

Emma turned to Neal. "He works at the Magic Bean."

"The coffee place?" Neal asked.

Killian nodded at him. Neal gave an approving look and then turned his attention back to the movie.

Emma looked up at Killian, whose expression was hard to read. She could tell he was studying Neal closely, trying to figure him out. He finally realized that she was watching him, and then he sort of laughed. They didn't need words to communicate.

His eyebrows arched up as if to ask, _"Well, did he ask?"_

Emma shook her head and then shrugged her shoulders.

He relaxed then, sinking back into the couch. He looked up at the screen, and then got excited when he realized what they were watching.

"Woah, is this Inception?"

"Yeah, man," Neal said. "You like this movie, too?"

"I fuckin love this movie, mate. Good choice."

Maybe Neal wasn't so bad after all. He looked over at Emma, and she looked… _happy._ It was all he could really ask for.

As they were both leaving later that night, Killian was unlocking his bike from the fence, and Neal walked over to him.

"Hey, Killian?"

"Yeah, mate?"

"I just wanted to say thanks, for hanging out with us. Emma was really tense until you got there. You helped her to relax a little."

Killian smiled. "No big deal. I'm over there almost every day anyway, it's not surprising she feels comfortable around me."

"Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you. I sort of…have a thing for Emma."

He tried to act surprised. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Neal replied. "And I just gotta know, is there anything going on between you guys? Like, am I barking up the wrong tree here?"

 _Fuck_. He should have seen that coming.

Killian scratched behind his ear. "Afraid not. Emma and I have been friends for a really long time, but it's nothing more than that."

What he'd wanted to say was: _Not yet._

Neal smiled. "Thank god," he said. "Cause I want to ask her to prom."

"Go for it," Killian answered. "I think she's expecting you to."

"For real?"

"Uhh, yeah," Killian sighed. _How dumb was this guy?_ He couldn't blame him, though. No one knew Emma as well as he did. "She invited you over, mate. She doesn't usually do that."

"You know her really well, don't you?" Neal asked. "How do you think I should ask her? I was thinking of getting her some flowers and leaving them at her locker. But I don't even know what kind is her favorite…"

"Look, Neal, I really don't-"

Neal held his hands up as if to stop him. "No, you're right. It's okay. I'll figure something out. But hey man, thanks for being so cool. To be honest, you really scared me at first. I definitely thought you and Emma already had a thing going, anyone can see how close you guys are."

Killian tossed his backpack over his shoulder and walked over to Neal.

"You're right. I do know her really well," he said. "And you don't have any reason to feel threatened by me. Unless you hurt Emma in any way, **then** you can feel free to fear for your life."

Neal laughed nervously. "Right, got it."

"Glad we had this chat," Killian smiled sarcastically, patting him on the shoulder. "I'll see you around, Neal."

"See ya, Killian."

Neal turned away from him and started walking down the street. Killian started to feel a little pang of guilt for not helping him out, only because he knew that his actions would make their way back to Emma in some way, and he would do anything it took to see her happy.

"Hydrangeas!" he yelled out.

Neal turned around, confused. "What?"

"Hydrangeas," he yelled again. "Those are her favorite flowers…the blue ones."

Neal nodded. "Thanks man."

Killian sighed and hopped on his bike, and didn't stop until he got home.

* * *

Emma was beaming the next day at lunch. He hadn't seen her since their walk to school that morning, because he got sucked into helping August finish a last minute project he'd forgotten to do.

"Someone's having a good day," he noted, setting his tray down and sitting next to her.

Emma smiled. "Neal asked me to prom this morning."

"Well, good for you, Swan. How'd he do it?"

She reached down into her backpack and pulled out a small stem of blue hydrangeas. "He'd left these taped to my locker with a note," she said with a grin. "I don't know how he knew these were my favorite…must have asked my mom or something."

"Must have," Killian replied.

"Anyway," she continued. "The note said to meet him outside near the fountain, and so I did. He was waiting out there for me, and then he asked me."

"How romantic," Killian chimed.

"Shut up," Emma laughed. "It was really sweet. I told him yes."

"Well, you kids have fun with that."

"Killian, seriously," she whined. "You should go. If you find a date, we can all go together and laugh about how stupid the whole thing is."

His voice raised a little in frustration, startling both of them.

"Swan, I'm not going. There's no point."

"What do you mean?"

He caught her eyes for a moment, and didn't know what to say. Turning back to his tray of food, he shook his head.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit," Emma said. "What's up with you?"

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "It's just been a long day today. I didn't sleep so well last night."

"Well snap out of it," she said. "I could really use my best friend right now."

"He's still here, love," he said, smiling at her.

She smiled back as she stole a french fry from his tray. "Good."

* * *

The days leading up to prom were insufferable. Every time Killian would walk over to their lockers, Neal would be standing there with Emma. He never saw her like this-open, flirty, excited. And for what? A stupid school dance? Their classmates all knew that Emma and Neal were talking now, and it was all anyone ever seemed to care to talk about. Frankly, he was sick of hearing about it. He actually looked forward to going to work after school those last few weeks, because then he didn't have to see Neal so much. The downside was that he didn't see Emma as much, either.

The day of prom had the whole school bustling. For once, on his last trip to the lockers, she was there alone.

"Hey, stranger," she said. "Everything okay?"

"Hey Swan. Yeah, I'm fine…just been picking up some extra shifts at work, that's all. Are you ready for tonight?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess. My mom helped me pick out a dress last week and everything."

"Let me guess…blue?" he asked with a smile.

"How'd you know?" she smiled.

"It's your color, Swan. Your favorite, I mean."

"Okay, yes. The dress is blue. It's a shame you won't get to see it, though. You'd laugh…I look like a puffy blue cloud in that thing…it's completely ridiculous."

"I doubt that very much. I'm sure you'll look great. I'm sorry I have to miss it, though."

Emma's eyes fell onto something behind him, and he turned to see Neal coming their way.

He closed his locker and started to walk away.

"Have fun tonight, Swan."

"Thanks…" she said as she watched him leave.

* * *

She sat in front of her vanity later that afternoon as her mother pinned up her hair. Emma had wanted her hair up, with loose braids and curls. When it was done, she looked like a tried and true princess. Her dress was a classic ball gown, in a beautiful dusty shade of blue. She looked like Cinderella. Her mother placed a small, sparkling hair clip on her bun, and sighed happily. "There," she said. "Now you really look like a princess. Now let's get some pictures before Neal and Killian show up."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Killian's not going, Mom."

Her mom didn't hide her disappointment. "Oh, why not?"

"I don't know," Emma sighed. "He just didn't want to."

"Do you think," her mom started, "that it maybe has something to do with Neal?"

"Mom, I've told you a thousand times. Killian and I are just friends. Plus he likes Neal. I think…"

"I like Neal, too, but…he's no Killian, that's for sure. All I'm saying is," her mom answered, "your father and I were best friends before we started dating, too. It's not that unusual."

"No, Mom. Killian and I are different. I don't see him like that…"

Her mind trailed off to that time he helped her study, and how handsome he looked, and how much that moment had scared her.

She straightened herself out. "He's my best friend. That's it."

"Okay," Mary Margaret said, defeated. "Whatever you say."

Neal picked up Emma shortly after that, and they met up with some friends for dinner before heading over to the school for the dance. He was being extremely sweet and super awkward. It was great, but Emma couldn't help but wonder what Killian was up to while they were out.

The gymnasium had been transformed into a completely different space. There were thousands of twinkling lights strung over the ceiling, tons of tables set up with beautiful ornate centerpieces, and a huge dance floor, right in the middle. There was even a photo booth set up for picture taking.

The dancing had already started, the room buzzing with the music. It was exciting, and everyone seemed to be having fun.

Neal led Emma out to the dance floor. They found their group of friends and just jumped right in, laughing and jumping along with the music. Emma decided to just stop thinking about what Killian was up to, and try to enjoy her night while it lasted. If he wanted to stay at home and brood, then he could. But she didn't have to do the same.

Eventually the DJ turned it down to a slower song, and Neal said, "I don't really know how to slow dance…wanna get something to drink instead?"

Emma looked disappointed. "Oh, come on, let's at least try."

Neal shook his head and Emma gave in. But as they started to leave the dance floor, a familiar voice spoke up behind Emma, with an accent she recognized in an instant. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

It was Killian. He was there, and walking towards her, stretching out his hand for her to take.

"Allow me."


	3. Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian surprises Emma at prom. Emma has some thinking to do.

"Damn thing," he groaned.

Killian had been trying to figure out how to put on his tie correctly for about 15 minutes, and was starting to have second thoughts about going after all.

He gave up on the tie with a huff and collapsed onto his bed, wondering what Emma was doing at that very moment. (Probably out to dinner with Neal and his friends or something. Whatever it was, he hoped she was having fun).

Liam casually strolled up to his doorway. "Hey Killian," he said peeking into the room, "I was wondering if you could help me with-" his voice stopped abruptly when he saw Killian in a tux. "Well, well," he snickered, "don't you look  _ dashing." _

"Shut up," Killian huffed, sitting up to look at him.

"Going somewhere special, mate?"

"Prom."

"Ah," Liam laughed. "I remember those days. They were truly," he hesitated, "…well, they were the worst."

Killian chuckled. " Well, dear brother, you weren't as good looking as me, so, that probably had something to do with it."

Liam smiled. "Says the guy who can't even tie his own tie. You're pathetic, Jones. Come here."

Killian begrudgingly stood up and faced his brother, who began twisting and tying his tie.

"So," Liam said casually, "when are you picking up Emma?"

"I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"We're not going together, mate."

Liam shot him a confused look. "Well if you're not going with Emma, who's your date?"

"You're looking at them."

Liam shook his head. "Did you even ask her?"

"Liam, why do you have this idea that Emma and I always have to be together?"

"Because you do."

Killian just smiled at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

* * *

He turned in his ticket at the entrance, letting his eyes scan the crowd for her. There was no sign of them yet.

He said hello to a few classmates as he made his way through the crowd, always looking out for anyone in a blue dress, just in case it was her.

He found a table near the back of the gym, and sipped on some water to calm himself down while he waited. He was nervous to see her, but more of an excited-nervous than anything. But he had no idea what he was going to say to her when she did show up.

Part of him wanted to do the crazy thing and just  **tell her** . Tell her that he was falling for her, or that maybe he already had. But there was no way that she was ready to hear any of that.  Nevertheless, she would probably be leaving town soon for college, and he didn't want to part from her without her knowing. Life was short, and there was only so much time he could waste.  For tonight, he would just do his best to make sure she was having a good time. The stress of senior year had been tough on her. She'd worked so hard, and she deserved to have a little fun.

After a little while, he noticed a flash of blonde hair against baby blue in the crowd and he just  _ knew.  _ It was Emma. He stood to get a better look at her, and was stopped right in his tracks.

She was a breathtaking vision in her dress. Not like a "puffy cloud" at all…more like the princess he had always imagined her to be when they were kids. She was truly the most beautiful girl in the entire gym, he was sure of it.

He couldn't tell from the expression on her face whether or not she was happy, though. At first, it seemed like she wasn't. Like she was nervous, or like her thoughts were somewhere else. It was a long shot, but he wondered if she was thinking about him.

Once she got to the dance floor, though, her whole demeanor changed. She was dancing, laughing, having a great time. The sight warmed him. Her smile was his favorite thing in all the world. The only thing was, he kept missing it, because the crowd of people was moving so much, and she kept getting lost in all of it.

"Well," he said to himself. "Here goes nothing."

He jumped into the first open spot he could find, and did the best he could to wade through the sea of people between them. He tried to keep his eyes on her. Her blonde curls kept bobbing up and down, her blue dress spinning and shining.

Finally, after having to awkwardly dance around people he didn't know, he was close enough to see her. He just had to wait for the right moment.

Soon enough, the music moved into a slower song. People started to leave the dance floor to take a break, including Neal and Emma. He had to strain, but he could just make out what they were saying:

"I don't really know how to slow dance…"

"Oh, come on…at least try!"

_ This is it, Jones. This is your chance. _

Tentatively, he took a step forward towards her, the words spilling out before he could realize what he was saying.

"Allow me."

Emma spun around, her eyes growing as wide as her smile. He felt like his heart had lunged out of his chest.

She shouted over the music in surprise. "Killian?! What the hell are you doing here?"

He just laughed and stretched out his hand. "Well I was hoping I could dance with you, Swan." He looked over to Neal and shouted to him. "Just one dance, mate, and she's all yours." Neal nodded back and after mumbling something to Emma he couldn't hear, walked away.

Emma took Killian's hand as he led her out to the floor, smiling suspiciously the whole time. She had tried to ignore it, but the butterflies in her stomach did all kinds of flips and turns at the sight of him.

Killian pulled her towards him, placing one hand on her back and holding the other in his own. She rested her other hand on his shoulder, and they relaxed into each other's arms. Together, they moved along to the music.

**_Do you know where your heart is?_ **

**_Do you think you can find it?_ **

As they swayed and spun and occasionally stepped on the other's foot, they continued to talk.

"Are you surprised? That I'm here I mean," he asked, his face dangerously close to hers.

"Yeah. You made it seem like you wouldn't come within 100 feet of this place."

"Are you happy I'm here?"

"Of course I am. Killian?"

"Yeah, love?"

"What are you doing here? Tell me, for real."

"Oh," he smiled. "I just decided to come last minute. I didn't want to miss out on all the fun."

Emma scoffed. "Bullshit. Don't even try it, Jones. You and I both know you have to rent those tuxes weeks in advance."

He smiled and looked down and Emma couldn't help but trace his jawline with her eyes.

_ God, he looks handsome tonight. Dammit. _

"Quite perceptive, Swan," he said. "You'll make quite the criminal justice major next year."

"Whatever," she laughed.

The conversation lulled as the song continued.

**_Do you know what your fate is?_ **

**_And are you trying to shake it?_ **

**_You're doing your best dance,_ **

**_Your best look_ **

**_You're praying that you make it_ **

Each of them had become aware of how close they were dancing, but neither seemed to want to move away from the other.

Killian especially, had to stop himself from looking at her too much. But every once in a while he'd smile at her and she'd smile back. When she did, it took every bit of restraint in him not to kiss her right then and there. God only knew what her reaction would be.

His hand felt so… _ right  _ in her own. And he was holding her close enough that she could smell him, too. Whatever cologne he was wearing was doing wonders, too. But his scent was still there. Scents of salty skin and coffee beans and faint cigarette smoke. Scents of blue crayons and rooftop stargazing and 7:45 hot chocolate. This guy who was holding her in his arms, he was different. He was her Killian, to be sure, but being this close to him was making her feel… _ things _ . Things that she had no idea how to explain.

_ What if it could always be like this?  _ She thought.  _ What if this turns into something more? _

She shook off the thought, and after a minute or two, spoke up again.

"You look really nice, by the way."

"As do you, Swan. Quite took my breath away when I saw you."

"Thanks," she blushed as the music slowed to a stop.

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Was this your first slow dance?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "I guess it was."

He smiled. "Me too."

As the song ended, Killian pulled her into a hug before she could move away, which she warmly accepted. That wasn't something they usually did, but it felt like the natural thing to do.

But Killian feared he may have held on a moment too long, because Neal was making his way over to them as soon as an opening cleared in the dance floor.

He walked up to them, two drinks in hand. He gave one to Emma, and said, "You guys make quite the pair out there."

Emma sensed the faint jealousy in his tone, and changed the subject immediately.

"You wanna go get some pictures taken or something?"

Neal shrugged. "Sure, why not."

As they turned to walk towards the booth, Killian stopped.

"Well, I should probably get going," he said.

"What?" Emma questioned. "You just got here!"

He scratched behind his ear and rocked back and forth on his heels. He always did that when he wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah, well," he started, "I told Liam I'd help him with something and he's expecting me."

"Oh come on," she whined. "At least get some pictures taken before you go."

He sighed and then looked at her for a moment. She held his gaze, and then her lips turned out and downward into a puppy dog pout.

"Alright, fine. Let's go," he laughed.

Together the three of them walked over to the photo booth line. Some of Neal's friends were in line in front of them, so Killian took the opportunity to talk to Emma while he was occupied.

"Swan?"

"What?"

"We're not  _ all  _ going to try and fit in that booth are we?"

"No, idiot," she laughed. "Neal and I will go first and then you and me."

"Perfect. I get sloppy seconds," he joked.

Emma just smiled. "You're unbelievable."

The line grew shorter, and they took a few steps closer to the booth.

"You never answered my question," she noted.

"What question, love?"

"Why did you really come tonight?"

"Ah," he said. "To be honest, I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were having a good time. Tell me, has Neal been treating you well?"

"Do you think I'd be here with him if he didn't?"

Killian laughed a little at that. "Of course not. You don't take shit from anybody."

(He loved that about her).

"Damn right," she smiled, and then continued. "Thank you, for looking out for me though."

They smiled at each other then, and the gaze was only broken when Neal spoke up.

"Hey, Emma-it's our turn to go."

Killian stood awkwardly outside the booth as he watched them both go in. After a minute, Emma pulled back the curtain and then waved for him to come inside.

It was a tiny booth- her damn dress was talking up majority of the space. He squeezed in next to her. He liked it in there, though. He was close to her, and there was no one else around. Just the two of them, like it was always supposed to be.

"Okay," she said. "The timer will countdown from 3 and then take a picture. I think it takes like 3 or 4 pictures. Ready?"

"Ready as ever."

She reached over and pressed the start button, and the little red light flashed 3 times, snapping a picture.

"Shit, I think I blinked," Killian laughed.

Emma laughed, too. The found themselves laughing harder and then realized that the second picture had already been taken.

"Crap!" Emma laughed. "We're terrible at this…okay try to take a normal one now."

They huddled close together. He reached his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close to him, planting a kiss on her temple for the next picture.

"Okay one more," she said.

For this one, he just looked at her as she smiled into the camera. She really was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

Emma finally got home around 3 in the morning. She popped into her parent's room, just to say goodnight, and then shuffled down the hall towards her room.

After taking off her gown, she showered and got ready for bed, her head still spinning from the whole evening. All in all, it had been a great night. One of the best she'd had in a while.

And it was all because of him.

She collapsed onto her bed, feet aching from all the dancing. Her eyes were heavy, but as she rolled over to fall asleep, she noticed something on her nightstand.

Sticking out of her purse were her copies of the photo booth pictures from the evening. She flicked on the light and pulled them out to get a better look.

The first set - her and Neal - were okay. They mostly just looked awkward and had the same expressions in each picture.

But when she flipped to the second set – hers and Killian's- a huge smile crept onto her face. The first two were ridiculous- his eyes were closed in one, and in the other they were laughing, which made it all blurry. But the last two were not so messy.

They were wonderful.

In the third, he was kissing her temple, and she was smiling wide with her eyes closed, holding onto his arm around her and just enjoying the moment. She remembered feeling the heat of his kiss there, and how good it felt. 

The last picture is probably what scared her most of all, though. She was smiling at the camera, and he was smiling at her. The look on his face took her breath away. No one had ever looked at her like that before…like she was one who hung the stars at night.

For the second time that night she thought, " _ What if it could always be like this?" _

But the thought was too strange and too scary to think about, so she stuck both strips of photographs into her nightstand drawer and turned off the light, thinking of dancing and laughter and music as sleep slowly pulled her under.


	4. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's graduation day. Killian tries to tell Emma how he feels.

"I'm just worried about her, that's all."

David was sitting next to his wife on the couch, his arm hung over her shoulders.

"She's going to be fine David. You'll see."

"Why did she have to pick criminal justice for a major? Why couldn't she be a teacher like you?"

"Well," Mary Margaret answered, "she's always been a daddy's girl."

He smiled. "That's true. I just don't want her to get hurt, I guess. This line of work isn't easy. And it doesn't exactly pay well…I don't know how we're going to afford it if she gets into that school in New York. Maybe she could get a summer job to help out. "

"It pays better than mine!" Mary Margaret laughed. "As far as the money, she's got financial aid coming either way, and she's nominated for a scholarship, too."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And as far as her future job," she continued, "she's a tough girl. I wouldn't worry too much."

"I can't help it," he said, placing a kiss onto his wife's temple. "She's our little girl."

"She's not so little anymore. I can't believe she's graduating high school tomorrow."

David sighed. "Don't remind me."

Emma smiled at them from down the hall, and goes back into her room.

* * *

The day of graduation had finally come. Their last day of school had been a week earlier. It was a bittersweet sort of day: Killian still showed up with her hot chocolate, as usual. It only hit them when they got to school, that it was the last time he would ever be able to do that.

" _ I'm going to miss morning walks with you, Swan." _

" _ Me too." _

It was like the end of an era, really. It was hard to believe that this part of her life was now over, and that she'd be in a completely different place in only a few months time. It was scary, facing her future like this, but it was just part of growing up. She knew that.

The graduation was held inside the gymnasium. Parents and families slowly began to fill the seats, and there was a tense excitement in the air for all of the graduates. They'd been working for over a decade for this moment.

The graduate's march began to play, and Emma checked her phone to make sure it was silenced, only to see a new message from Killian.

**(10:03 AM) KILLIAN:** _Here we go, Swan. See you out there._

She smiled, sending a quick reply.

**(10:04 AM) EMMA:** _Look for me when you're up on stage!_

 **(10:04 AM) KILLIAN:** _Always_

Emma silenced her phone and tucked it into her pocket, having just enough time to straighten her cap and gown before walking out.

The sight of the gym packed with so many smiling faces and happy tears just about took her breath away. Her eyes scanned the crowd for her family, who she finally spotted in the section across from where she was sitting. Her father looked so proud, and she could see that her mother was already crying. She felt a surge of love and appreciation for them, knowing that there was no way she could have gotten this far without them.

She thought of Killian, and how he must feel knowing that his parents weren't there to see him graduate. If his mother was still alive, she would have been there. And his father, well…god knows where he was right about then.

But he still had Liam, who was sitting next to Emma's mom, beaming and hollering for his little brother as they all found their seats.

As the ceremony began, Emma tried to find Killian in the sea of black caps and gowns, but with no luck. She pulled out her phone to send a quick text.

**(10:15 AM) EMMA:** _Where are you? I can't see you._

 **(10:17 AM) KILLIAN:** _5th row back, over to the right._

 **(10:18 AM) EMMA:** _Ah, gotcha!_

The key note speaker was Archie Hopper, the school counselor. He gave a pretty typical speech as far as graduations go-

" _ You should be proud of all your accomplishments…" _

" _ You can change the world…" _

" _ Never give up on your dreams…" _

His speech seemed to drag on for ages. Emma played with her hands, and the hem of her gown, eager for the staff to start off the diplomas and call out names. As she looked down, she noticed the light from her phone blinking in her pocket.

**(10:42 AM) KILLIAN:** _Zzzzz…._

 **(10:43 AM) EMMA:** _Tell me about it._

Finally, Archie wrapped up his speech. The principal, Kathryn Griffith, stepped up to the podium.

"Thank you, Dr. Hopper. Now before we hand out diplomas, we have some awards to present!"

**(10:55 AM) KILLIAN:** _Good luck, Swan. I've got my fingers crossed for you!_

"First, we would like to present the Storybrooke High scholarship for track and field, to…Ms. Ruby Hood."

The crowd erupted with praise as Ruby makes her way down to the stage.

"Next, we'd like to present the Storybrooke High academic scholarship, to a student who has shown exemplary marks and has shown considerable drive and determination these last four years…"

Emma braced herself. This was it.

"…to Ms. Emma Nolan."

Her classmates around her cheered, alerting her to the fact that she'd just won. Redness rose within her cheeks as she walked up the ramp to the podium. A quick handshake, the flash of a camera, and it was over.

She was almost back to her seat when the principal continued.

"We have one more award to present this year. This is the first year we have ever awarded this, but as times change, so must we. We have recently connected with Storybrooke College, our very own local community college. Many of our students will be attending there next year in lieu of University. This last award will be awarded to one of those students. This is a student who has shown considerable growth, both academically and personally over their high school career. This student is one who shows great work ethic, both in school and outside of it, and also has strong character. On behalf of Storybrooke High, it is my pleasure to award this scholarship…to Mr. Killian Jones."

Emma's heart swelled with pride. She was surprised, but also not surprised at the same time. She curved her hands around her mouth and shouted, "Go Killian!"

The crowd went wild. Everyone was in support of him, and it took everything she had not to start crying. Killian may not have been the most popular guy in school, but everyone knew him. He was just one of those people, who never really got into trouble, could make anyone laugh, and was friendly with just about everyone. He may not have always had perfect grades, but he deserved this nonetheless.

The cheers died down, and the principal began calling out names for diplomas. One by one, the students walked across the stage, smiling and cheering for one another. When Killian's name was called, she waited until he was on stage, and then sent out a whistle for him, just to see his smile.

His eyes caught hers, and he does.

Outside the gym, she pushed through the crowd of her former classmates to look for him.

Everyone was so elated, happy and excited, it was contagious.

She heard him calling out for her.  "Emma! Over here!"

She turned, just as he is scooping her up into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed, hugging him tightly. She had to shout over the crowd as he brought her back down.

"Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!"

He just laughed, trying to modestly shrug it off. "Thank you! You too."

They eventually found the edge of the crowd, where her parents and Liam were waiting. Liam pulled his brother into a swift hug, patting him on the back.

"Too bad you're not old enough to drink, little brother. I'd take you out for a pint to celebrate!"

Emma's parents pulled her in for one, too. Her mother spoke with a shaky tone, trying to stop from crying. "Emma, baby, we're so proud of you…"

Emma tried not to laugh. "Mom, stop…you're embarrassing me…"

David planted a kiss on his daughter's forehead. "Love you, Emma."

"I love you guys, too."

The next few weeks of summer were wonderful. Killian still had to work down at the coffee shop, but he took a few extra days off to relax. Any spare moment they had, they spent together. They would spend afternoons by the shoreline, reading and swimming and lounging. Sometimes Neal would come, too, just as a friend. Nothing had really happened between him and Emma after Prom.

Killian had the smallest flicker of hope that it was because he had shown up…that maybe, just maybe, Emma was starting to feel differently about him. But if she was starting to feel differently, he'd never know. Emma wasn't one to lay her feeling out in the open. She'd always been that way. He, on the other hand, had always worn his heart on his sleeve. The more time they spent together, the harder it was for him to keep his true feelings to himself.  _ Before the summer was over, he would tell her. _ That was his plan, anyway.

There were a few times that he had tried to bring it up, but each failed miserably. The timing was never right, or she would change the subject. It was almost as if she saw it coming every time.

The first time was on the last day of school, before they walked in. She was finishing up her hot chocolate, when he stopped behind her. She noticed, and turned towards him.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

He scratched behind his ear nervously. "Yeah, I uh...Can I talk to you about something?"

"We're already late, Killian. Can it wait?"

"It's the last bloody day of school, Swan. It doesn't matter."

"That's exactly why it matters!" she laughed. "Can you tell me later?"

He shook his head and obliged, walking in after her.

The second time was when she had come to visit him at work.

She walked up to the counter smiling. "Hey stranger."

His eyes lit up when he saw her. He had been in the groove working, and didn't even notice when she'd strolled in.

"Hey, you," he smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"Just coming to say hi…and maybe get some free coffee?"

He laughed. "You're pathetic, Nolan. Just admit it. You've been using me for the free drinks all this time."

"Just an extra perk of being your best friend." 

"Give me fifteen minutes. I'll be taking my break then and I can bring you something."

"Mk," she answered. "Make it something sweet."

"You got it."

He met her outside on the patio.

"Thank you," she said, taking the drink from him. She took a sip, her eyes rolling back into her head. "Sweet jesus that's good. You're the best."

"What can I say? I know what you like."

"So how's work been today?" she asked, continuing to sip on her icy concoction.

"Fine. Better now that you're here."

She blushed, setting her drink down for a moment.

"Do you think you'll still work here next semester?"

"Not sure yet," he answered. "Technically, I have a few years until that scholarship expires, so I could work and save some money first, then use it up. I've no idea what I want to study, anyway."

"You could study music," she noted. "You're really good at it."

"Yeah, I thought about that. But I would hate for school to ruin my love for it, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"I guess only time will tell," he said.

"Guess so."

They sat there like that for a minute or two, just enjoying the sunshine and the birds chirping nearby.

_ This could be it, Jones,  _ he thought. _ You know you want to tell her. You've got a few minutes left…why not give it a shot? _

He cleared his throat, bracing himself for what he was (hopefully) about to say.

"Emma?"

"What's up?"

"You and I, we've been friends for as long as I can remember…"

His voice trailed off, his nerves unsettling, his palms growing sweaty.

"Yeah…" Emma said. "What's your point, Jones?"

"Well," he continued, "we've both grown up so much since that day you gave me that blue crayon, and-"

"You remember that?"

Her question took him aback. "How could I possibly forget that? It was the most important moment of my life. Well, other than right now."

Her expression turned then. Emma was intuitive, that's for sure, and she slowly began to pick up on what he was trying to say. Thankfully for her, he never got around to it.

"What are you talking about?" she asked nervously.

"Emma, I don't know how to say this, but-"

Just then, her phone began buzzing, startling them both.

"Sorry," she winced. "It's my mom, I have to answer it."

He held up his hands. "No, no, it's okay. I've got to go back to work anyway."

"We'll talk later?"

"Yeah, definitely."

He walked back into the café, and spent the rest of his shift beating himself up over the whole thing.  _ Are you crazy? You could have ruined everything. _

Before he left work, his phone buzzed.

**(10:04 PM) EMMA:** _ hey, we need to talk. _

_ Shit,  _ he thought.  _ This can't be good. _

**(10:05 PM) KILLIAN:** _what about, love?_

He waited nervously for her reply, every minute making him more and more anxious.

His phone buzzed again.

**(10:20 PM) EMMA:** _everything._

 **(10:21 PM) KILLIAN:** _I'll be right over._

He felt like a ton of bricks had landed on his chest.  _ Shit.  _ He had fucked up the timing and now  _ she knew  _ and what if she didn't feel the same way? What if he had ruined everything?

He locked up the café before hopping on his bike and making his way to the Nolan's house.


	5. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has some news to share.

His mind was racing as he walked to her door. He had no clue what he was going to say to her if she asked him about their earlier conversation. This was not how he wanted to tell her.

It was late, so he sent a text.

 **(10:40 PM) KILLIAN:** _I'm here._

A few moments later, Emma opened the door. She stepped out onto the front porch, and under the light, he can see that she had been crying. Maybe this wasn't about him after all.

"Thanks for coming by," she said through a sniffle.

This was not the Emma he was used to seeing. He rarely saw her cry-she was a tough lass, she never showed her weaknesses on purpose. He knew that deep down, she didn't like being vulnerable, because she didn't want to set herself up for disappointment. She was always on guard, always prepared to protect herself if necessary. But this girl standing before him was not that Emma. This Emma was utterly broken.

"Emma, what's wrong?"

She took out a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolded it, handing it over to him.

"See for yourself."

He straightened out the wrinkled paper and began to read. The letter head was from the school in New York where Emma had applied…her dream school.

"Dear Ms. Nolan," he began to read, "We regret to inform you that you have not yet been accepted into our University. You have been placed on the waitlist for this upcoming fall semester. Should you be accepted, we will be in contact with you."

"That's some shit, isn't it?" she scoffed. "I worked my ass off to get into that school. And it was all for nothing."

"Emma…I am so sorry."

"Me too."

"But it says here you're on the waitlist," he said, trying to console her. "So that means you still have a chance."

"They might as well have just told me no, Killian. I feel so stupid." Her eyes welled up with tears again, and she slumped down on the front steps, covering her face with her hands.

He felt helpless. "You're not stupid, Swan."

What he had wanted to say was: _you're perfect._

He sat next to her, and pulled her close. "Everything's going to be fine. You'll see."

She sniffled and looked up at him. "But that was my dream school. It has been for years."

She looked so hurt, so broken, like her life had completely crumbled before her.

"It's not the only school in the country, Swan."

"I know, I know. I just really wanted that to be the one."

"I know you did," he said. Instinctively, he pulled down his shirt sleeve and used it to wipe a tear off of her cheek. The gentle touch startled her, but she allowed him to continue.

"Sometimes life doesn't work out how we imagined it would, but that doesn't mean it can't still be good. Maybe something even better will come along that you would have missed otherwise."

She nodded, taking in his words like medicine. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just feeling sorry for myself I guess."

"It's okay to be disappointed," he added. "But you can't let it keep you down. You're the strongest person I know, Swan. I know you'll come out on top no matter what you do."

At these words, her lips curled up into a smile. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he pulled her close again. She rested her head on his chest and sighed contentedly.

"Thanks Killian. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He ran his palm over her hair gently. "And you will never have to know what that feels like, love, as long as I have a say in it."

He was always so supportive. Damn him. How was she supposed to live away from Storybrooke next year…away from _him_?

She hugged him tighter, and then sat up. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She looked at him and smiles.

"Hey what was it that you wanted to talk about earlier?"

"Nothing," he said. "Don't worry about it."

That was another conversation for another time. Right now, she just needed her friend. There on the porch, under the star spotted summer sky, she looked just like the princess she pretended to be when they were kids. Right now, she just needed her pirate to save her. He didn't want to burden her with anything else tonight.

"Well then," she said. "Wanna come inside for a bit? We had a late dinner but I didn't eat anything because I was upset…now I'm just hungry."

"Of course." He stood by the door and stretched out his hand. "After you, m'lady."

He could just see the corners of her lips turn up as she passed him in the doorway.

* * *

The summer continued, its days stretching out like long yawns. To make some extra cash for school, Emma picked up a job waiting tables at Granny's. She only worked a few days a week, but was finding it hard to spend time with Killian, whose own work schedule was always different from her own. The coffee shop wasn't far from the diner, though, so she would often walk over while she was on her break, just to see him.

One such occasion was on the afternoon of July 4th, when Emma got off early for the holiday celebrations. Killian was outside, putting up new flyers on the café's community bulletin board.

"What's that?" 

"Oh, hey Swan. Just some flyers for a little event I'm putting together."

"You? They put you in charge of something?" she laughed.

"Oh, ha-ha," he mocked. "It was my idea."

"Well what is it?"

Killian smiled. "An open mic night…sort of like karaoke, but classier. Local musicians can come and play here for free."

"Nice. Are you going to sing?"

"Probably not," he sighed. "I'll be running around making sure everything is going according to plan. You should come, though. It'll be fun."

He most certainly **was** planning to sing that night. In fact, that was the whole reason he set up the event, so that he could invite _her_ . So that he could sing _for her_. He was going to use the opportunity to finally tell her how he feels. He just had to keep that a secret until then.

Emma checked the calendar on her phone. "Of course I will! I'll just have to make sure I take off work. When is it?"

"Next Friday."

"Shit, that's really soon. I'll ask Ruby if she can cover it and I'll let you know tonight."

"What's tonight?" he asked.

"It's July 4th, what do you mean 'what's tonight?'"

"Oh god, I totally forgot," he said, "You know I'll be there."

"Good. Alright well, I gotta get going. My mom is expecting me for the family cookout."

"Try not to look too excited."

She rolled her eyes and then turned, walking back into the center of town.

He wondered to himself if he can wait a whole week to tell her.

_You've waited a decade, Jones. You can wait one more week. Just try to make it through tonight without making a fool of yourself._

As she walked home, she took in the town in all its festive glory. She was excited to be living somewhere new in the fall, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't sad about leaving this town. This was her home. Her parents were here, and so was Killian. They were her pillars in life. She had no idea what it would be like to be out in the world on her own, without any of them around to guide her.

But though Storybrooke had its charms, Emma didn't want to stay there forever. At least not right away. She wanted to explore and see what the rest of the world had to offer. But that desire didn't come without its fears. She was afraid to lose her home, to lose herself. But mostly, she was afraid of losing Killian.

Whenever she got these thoughts, she pushed them out of her mind, and tried to concentrate on the present- the here and now, and make the most of it while she had it. Like tonight, when Killian would be joining her for their annual 4th of July tradition of watching the fireworks from the shoreline.

She was planning on telling him the good news- that she had chosen the school in Boston, and would be sending in her acceptance letter in the morning.


	6. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Killian celebrate 4th of July, but it doesn't go quite as planned.

It happened so fast.

He didn't sleep that night, but just kept replaying the moment over and over in his head: her eyes sparkling under the moonlight, the sound of the shoreline, her hand in his hair, her lips on his…

It was _not_ supposed to happen like that.

But it did.

* * *

Emma was relaxed, her toes dug deep into the sand when Killian finally got to the beach.

"Hey you!" she called out.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "Had to close up the café."

Emma smiled as he sat down next to her on the blanket. "It's okay. At least tell me you brought something."

He grinned mischievously. "Of course I did."

He reached into his backpack and pulled out a six pack of ice cold beer. It was the cheap stuff, but that was usually all Liam could afford. For the last few years, he'd taken a pack down to the beach for them, and they'd drink and while they watched the fireworks. This year was no different.

Killian popped open a beer for her, and then one for himself. She raised her drink towards him.

"To…uh…" she started, "to independence."

"To rebellion," he laughed.

Their glasses clinked, and they each took a swig. He finished his drink much quicker than she did (she was such a lightweight). He sighed and lied back on the blanket. They sat in silence, listening to the waves lap against the shore as they waited for the fireworks to begin.

She got about halfway through her beer when the fireworks started. She chugged the rest and tossed the bottle in the sand. Lying next to him, she turned her eyes upward, watching as the fireworks light up the sky. It was a beautiful sight, and she couldn't help but smile.

She felt his arm brush hers, and she turned to look at him.

His eyes were still looking upward, and she could see the exploding lights reflected in them. As she looked at him, time seemed to slow to a stop. It suddenly hit her that this is one of those fleeting moments, and this feeling of happiness she has wasn't going to last.  _ Because nothing ever does. _

_ Your childhood is over. Everything is going to change. _

Soon she was thinking about college and leaving town and what it would be like to say goodbye to him and she couldn't see his face clearly anymore, because her eyes were blurry with tears.

He couldn't hear her sniffles over the booms and fizzles of the fireworks. When the show was finally over, he exclaimed with a smile,

"That was brilliant, huh, Swan?"

But he heard nothing but the waves in reply, so he turned to look at her. Her eyes are closed, but he could see the tear tracks on her cheek. He sat up, alarmed.

"Emma, what is it?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she sighed, trying to control it. She sat up and wiped her face. "I'm sorry, it's nothing."

But he knew her better than that. "No, it's not nothing, love. Talk to me."

She looked at him, allowing herself just one more time to be vulnerable.

"I was just thinking," she sighed, "about time."

"Time?" he asked, confused. "What do you mean?"

She sniffled and continued. "I was thinking about time passing. Like, our childhood for instance. We're never going to get that time back."

He wasn't sure what to say.

"I guess I was just feeling nostalgic," she said. "And a little scared about all the changes happening this year."

He nodded his head, the pieces starting to click into place. "It's all part of growing up, Swan."

She smiled, rather pathetically. "I know. It's just sort of sad, that's all."

He knew exactly what she meant, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do about it. So he did what he could- he embraced her.

"Come here," he said, pulling her towards him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he held onto her. The closer it was to her move, the more affectionate they had become. It was as if they knew that they needed to take advantage of the time they still had together.

She was holding onto him, taking in every ounce of the moment that she could. She felt safe as his arms anchored her down, her tears slowing to a stop. When her breathing evened out, she sat back, but didn't move away from him. They were close, so close that she could see the harbor lights in his eyes, along with something else.

_ Desire. _

She was looking at him, and couldn't look away. His hand came up to rest on her cheek, and she leaned into it. She was aware of how handsome he suddenly looked in the moonlight –his dark hair falling over his face and his deep blue eyes searching her own. There was something in her that felt like it was pulling her towards him, like the ocean being pulled to the shore.

Before she had time to even think about throwing her walls back up, she leaned forward, and pressed her lips against his.

He didn't respond at first, out of shock, but when she didn't immediately pull away, he melted into her kiss.

It's everything he'd ever wanted.  _ Emma. _

His hand fell to her neck and he pulled her closer, parting her lips and kissing harder. Her hand found its way to his hair, and that's when he finally pulled back. Her eyes peered into his and it was as if for the first time, she realized what was happening.

Her breathing got heavy as the weight of her action finally hit her.

She tried to speak. "I….I'm…sorry. I have to go."

And just like that, she stood up, throwing her things together as quickly as possible, and walked away as fast as she could.

_ Emma, what the hell have you done? _

Killian called out after her. "Emma, wait!"

But she didn't stop.


	7. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma tries to figure out her feelings. Killian runs the open mic night at the cafe.

Her eyes were burning with tears as she sped down the street-the tires of her bike working furiously to get her home.

Her mind spun equally as fast, replaying the moment over and over.

The moment, in all of its heated hormonal glory, flashed back as she turned the last corner towards home. But it was all too much, and she found herself skidding to a stop. She gripped the handlebars and breathed deeply, waiting for her nerves to calm.  When they did, she tried to convince herself that she was imagining things. Surely she hadn't really done what she thinks she did. There was no way.

There was no way his eyes had been that blue. There was no way his hand had caressed her face. There was no way she had grabbed the collar of his Clash t-shirt and held onto it for dear life. There was no way she'd felt his stubble against her mouth as his lips met hers, and the way his hair touched her forehead as their faces twisted together. And there was  _ definitely  _ no way that her insides had melted when it did.

_ Fuck. _

Her foot pushed forward on the pedal, and she kept going towards home.

* * *

He couldn't budge from their spot on the beach, likely from the shock of it all. He wasn't even sure that she had feelings for him like that…but it seemed as much a surprise to her as it did to him.

_ There's no way that just happened _ , he thought.  _ Maybe this is all a dream. _

_ Fuck. _

There was no way that was a dream. Because if it was, she wouldn't have run away. She would have stayed there on the beach with him, kissing him into the starry oblivion.

He wanted to run after her, but she looked so scared…not of him, but of herself. She needed the space and he knew that, so he didn't follow after her.

He turned back to the waves instead. Closing his eyes and reaching his fingers to his lips, he listened to the sounds as he remembered the feeling of her skin against his, still hot in all the places she touched. The feeling was a lot like the ocean. It surged forward, stopping your breath with its beauty and its fervor, and then taking it back as the water pulled it all away. 

* * *

She didn't speak to him for almost a week. She picked up her phone throughout the day and started to text him, but then deleted the messages before ever pressing send.

She just felt so embarrassed. What on earth must he think of her right now? How would she have felt if he had just fucking kissed her out of the blue one day?

Then again, it wasn't like he pulled away from her or anything. It took a moment, but he had kissed her right back.

The thought flushed her cheeks, and she shook it off.

She took the long way to get to work, so she didn't have to walk by the coffee shop. She kept her blinds closed at night so that he knew it wasn't a good time to visit her rooftop. He had tried to call her a couple times, but other than that they hadn't spoken.

And she hated every second of it.

She knew their silence would end soon enough, and it was just a matter of where and when. But until she thought long and hard about what she was going to say to him when the time came, she would hold her tongue.

That Thursday afternoon while on a break from work, Emma sat out on the back steps behind the diner. She missed her walks over the coffee shop, laughing with Killian about stupid customers or just chatting away about random things so they didn't have to think about work.

But since they weren't speaking at the moment, she had nowhere else to go. She went out back just in case he considered coming there. And also because she couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of him. Even just being in the diner was hard. They'd shared many a grilled cheese and late nights studying in those booths, playing darts and pretending like they were so much older than they really were.

She sat down on the steps, exhausted from the usual lunch crowd. It was hot out, the late July sun streaming down on her. She thought about him anyway, and wondered what he was doing at that moment. (Probably putting together some last minute preparations for the open mic night tomorrow-she still hadn't decided whether or not she was going because that would mean  _ seeing him and talking to him…was she ready for that? _ ). Just as she was about to move into the shade, Ruby walked out the door holding a large bag of trash.

"Oh hey Emma," she said, lifting the top of the dumpster and throwing the bag in.

"Hey."

"Why are you out here? It's too fucking hot."

"I know," Emma said. "I just didn't know where else to go. I needed some peace and quiet."

Ruby slumped down next to her. "Oh, I get that. Granny's driving me crazy today."

Emma laughed. "She's not so bad."

They sat there for just a moment, until Ruby spoke up again.

"Hey, uh, is everything alright? You seem a little…off lately."

Emma hesitated to answer truthfully. She and Ruby were acquaintances but hardly friends. They just worked together. But fuck it, it's not like she has anyone else to talk to.

"No, I'm not," she finally replied.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I usually would talk to Killian, but…it's about him this time."

"Well then why don't you talk to him?" Ruby suggested.

Emma sighed and rested her face in her hands. "Because I've fucked everything up."

"But you guys are so close," Ruby responded. "I'm sure it's not that big of a deal."

Emma looked up at her, feeling unsure, but she continued.

"I kissed him."

Ruby's eyes widened with shock. "Oh shit!"

Emma scoffed. "Yeah, I know."

"Do you like him?"

"He's my best friend, Ruby. My only friend really. I can't fuck this up. I don't' know why I did it or where it came from…but it happened."

Ruby smiled sympathetically. "Look, Emma I'm sure it's fine. Killian is a really sweet, really understanding person, and-"

"And what?" Emma asked.

Ruby hesitated, but then continued. "And I mean, it's kind of hard to miss the way he looks at you sometimes."

Emma knew exactly what she was talking about. Her thoughts drifted to their photo booth picture from prom and that look on his face…like she was  _ everything. _

"I better go," Ruby said. "Granny's gonna blow a gasket if I don't get back in there soon."

"Go ahead. I'll be fine. We'll…be fine."

"Yeah, I'm sure you will," Ruby answered. "Plus, he's not your  _ only  _ friend you know."

A genuine smile of gratitude stretched over Emma's face. "Thanks Ruby."

"No problem! Us girls gotta stick together! Just tell me one thing…"

Somehow Emma knew where this was going.

"What was it like?"

"What was  _ what  _ like?" Emma laughed.

"The kiss, idiot. How was he?"

Emma smirked, turning away from her. "See you inside, Ruby."

"Oh, come on!" Ruby whined. "Killian's hot. You can't blame a girl for wondering."

"Bye, Ruby."

Ruby rolled her eyes with a smile and went back inside. When the door clicked, Emma considered what her answer should have been to that question.

The kiss… _ his  _ kiss…it was magical.

But it was a strange sort of magic. The kind that's so powerful it's scary. Like something wild, something foreign or unknown that might consume her and burn her right up if she's not careful.

That reminded her of a quote she'd always loved ever since she was little. In one of her favorite fairytale books, there was a quote which read,

" _ All magic comes with a price." _

If the price of the kiss was their friendship, then she wasn't willing to pay it.

* * *

Killian spent their week apart preparing for the open mic night: adjusting the set list, cleaning the café, preparing the menus and food, calling the radio station and setting up the live stream equipment. It was a ton of work, and it kept his mind occupied for as long as he was there. But when he wasn't working, she was the only thing on his mind.

When he thought about that night, he felt embarrassed. The look of fear in her eyes was pretty disheartening, like she had lost him already. There was no way in hell that was going to happen, though. He just had to figure out a way to tell her that.

He had some ideas. All he could do was hold on to hope that she would show up that Friday night, and they could finally have a chance to talk.

* * *

Emma woke up Friday morning in a bit of a haze. It was lazy summer mornings like this one that make her forget what she did last week, until the reality of it came crashing back into her.

She threw the covers off of herself and slowly stretched her way out of bed, her eyes trying to adjust in the bright sunlight streaming into her room.

As her eyes focus, she noticed something on her window –a bright blue piece of paper-and knew immediately that it was from him. Who else would be on her roof at some strange hour of night?

She clicked the lock of her window, pushing the pane up and open. She reached her hand up and grabbed the paper, stepping back inside.

She could see clearly then that it was the flyer for Killian's open mic night. She sighed and smiled, because she knew that it was his way of telling her that he wanted to see her. When she flipped over the paper, there was a drawing on the back. A sailboat.

The Black Swan.

That was her pirate ship, the one she'd always drawn as a child. She'd imagine herself as the fearless captain, travelling realms and adventuring. Now, the little ship was a sort of symbol for them. Whenever she was feeling sad, he'd draw it out on her hand to remind her that he was there for her, that she was still his Swan. It was her version of the bracelet she'd given him so long ago when his dad left.

She walked downstairs to get breakfast, and found her mother beaming at the kitchen table. Emma gave her a quizzical look, but her mother just kept smiling.

"Good morning, honey."

"Morning...what are you so happy about?"

She stood up from the table and walked over to Emma, opening up her palm and placing an envelope in it.

"You got a letter this morning. Read it."

Her eyes catch the letterhead on the top of the envelope. She rips it open as fast as she can and begins to read.

* * *

The crowd started trickling in around 6:30, ordering drinks and waiting for the show to start. When the room was buzzing and mostly full, Killian stepped out onto the stage and in front of the mic.

"Uh, hello everybody, thanks for coming out tonight-"

Hoots and hollers sounded throughout the room (likely August started it), making Killian more bashful. He scratched behind his ear and waited for them to calm down, and then continued, his accented voice echoing throughout the café.

"We've got a great night of music ahead for you all. We're gonna start off with some local bands who are gonna play for you for a little while, and then we're gonna open up the stage to whoever wants to come and play. The radio stream will last until the open mic starts, so text your friends who aren't here and tell them to listen in! Now everybody can grab a drink and relax, and enjoy the show."

The crowd clapped and cheered. He introduced the first band, two girls from Storybrooke High, and then headed back to the coffee bar.

On his way back, he saw her.

The bell above the door rang as she walked in. Their eyes met across the cafe and to his surprise, she smiled. It was timid, but there.

_ This is it. _

He scooted around the tables and chairs and made his way towards her. She looked beautiful. She was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans with some converse, but…she looked like Emma. His Emma. He hadn't seen her for almost a whole week. She was like a breath of fresh air. He spoke first.

"Hey Emma."

"Hey."

"I'm glad you came."

She tucked a blonde strand behind her ear. "Yeah, me too. The place looks great."

Killian tucked his hands into his pockets and looked around. "Thanks. It only took me a whole bloody week to set this place up."

She laughed. "Well you should be proud. The crowd seems happy."

She looked out across the café, its exposed brick walls decorated with vintage posters, the industrial lighting on the ceiling made softer by the twinkling lights Killian had hung up all over the room and around the stage. It was cozy. It was…intimate.

"Let's just hope it stays that way," he said, smiling. Just then, he noticed his manager waving to him.

"Hey, I gotta go check on some things," he said, "but I'll come and find you in a little bit. I'll bring you a drink if you want."

"I can go get it," she answered. "Do what you gotta do."

He nodded and then walked away, disappearing behind the kitchen door with the manager.

Obviously this wasn't the best time to talk about  _ that night  _ but she knew it was going to happen at some point in the evening. Her stomach was in all sorts of knots and twists knowing that she couldn't avoid this anymore.

But for now, she decided to get a drink (hot chocolate with cinnamon of course), relax, and just try to enjoy this evening that Killian put together.

She saw him pop out from different places throughout the evening. She liked watching him like this, being in charge and running from place to place to make sure everything was running smoothly. He didn't look too bad, either. He's got his usual look: black t-shirt and jeans, a light plaid shirt rolled up at the sleeves, his cross necklace, her bracelet. She tried her best to pay attention to the music, but somehow always found herself watching him instead. Occasionally she sent him a text and watched to see his reaction.

**(8:42 PM) EMMA:** _this guy is really good…_

**(8:44 PM) KILLIAN:** _I can hear the sarcasm from over here_

His eyes caught hers from across the room, and he smiled.

The evening went pretty well, except for the occasional faulty microphone or rude customer. After the first three or four bands played, Killian stepped back onto the stage.

"How's everybody doing?" he asked the crowd. They cheer and clap.

"Alright," he continued, "We're gonna open up the stage now for any brave soul who wishes to come and perform for us all. If you'd like to sing a song or two or play a little something, just meet me over at the sign up table and we'll get you set up. I'll be over there for the next 15 minutes or so, so until everyone's signed up, please enjoy your drinks and maybe take a break. The bands you've just heard have some merchandise tables set up in the back if you'd like to take a look. Thanks everyone!"

The crowd cheered again and he made his way down to the table. Only a few people signed up, but it was fine. He was ready for this night to be over so he could talk to Emma.

He finished at the table and then let August take the stage to introduce the open mic performers. He made his way to her table in the back, and slumped down.

"It's about time you took a break," Emma said, smiling.

"Sorry," he laughed. "I didn't realize just how much work this was going to be. But I'm here now."

He lifted up his coffee cup in an act of cheers, and she hesitated, but only for a moment. The last time they did that, she ended up kissing him.

But she lifted her cup anyway.

They sat together in silence and listened to the first performer. When they were done, Killian cheered for him.

"It takes a lot of guts to get up there and do that sort of thing," he said, taking a sip of his drink.

Emma nodded in agreement. "Hey, Killian?"

"Yeah love?"

She felt sick, but kept going.

"I just wanted to say that…I'm really…I'm sorry for not talking to you until now."

He was a bit alarmed at her sudden change of conversation, but smiled sympathetically.

"It's alright, Swan."

"Can we talk later?" she asked.

"I'd love that."

Just then, August stepped up to the mic again. "Okay, everybody. We have one last open mic performer…a nice surprise for you all, I think. I'd like you all to help me welcome to the stage our very own, very talented, Killian Jones!"

The crowd erupted and cheered with excitement. Emma looked at him in confusion but he just smiled mischievously. Taking one last sip of his drink, he got up from the table. "Well, Swan, I guess that's me."

"I guess so," she laughed.

She'd heard him sing a million times, but she'd never seen him play in front of an audience before. That was going to be interesting. She was suddenly on the edge of her seat, completely invested.

Killian jogged up to the stage, and picked up his guitar. He quickly tuned it and then pulled the stool up towards the mic. The crowd was still cheering for him, and he laughed as he adjusted his microphone.

"Okay you gits," he said. "Settle down."

The people laughed and then the mood of the room shifted, into something a little more serious.

"So, I hadn't planned on playing tonight," he started, "but something changed my mind."

He looked over at her then, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"This song is by the lovely little band A Fine Frenzy, who was first introduced to me by a very dear friend."

Emma smiled, because that was her. She remembered wrestling him to get the headphones in his ears, their laughter floating through his room.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to that friend. She's incredibly important to me, and I don't know what I'd do without her. So, uh, here we go."

She already felt like she was going to cry from that little speech, but it got worse when he opened his mouth to sing. His fingers strummed the guitar in a quick little rhythm as he sang:

" **_If we were children I would bake you a mud pie_ **

**_Warm and brown beneath the sun_ **

**_Never learned to climb a tree but I would try_ **

**_Just to show you what I'd done_ **

**_Oh what I wouldn't do_ **

**_If I had you, babe, I had you_ **

**_Oh what I wouldn't do_ **

**_If I had you, babe_ **

**_If I were old, my dearest, you would be older_ **

**_But I would crawl upon your lap_ **

**_Wrap a blanket round our frail little shoulders_ **

**_And I'd die happily like that_ **

**_Oh what I wouldn't do_ **

**_If I had you, babe, I had you_ **

**_Oh what I wouldn't do_ **

**_If I had you, babe, if I had you…"_ **

He kept playing, and when he looked at her, he swore he could see tears on her cheeks. That wasn't going to make the next part of this song any easier, but he sang it anyway.

**_So lace your hands round the small of my back and I will kiss you like a king_ **

**_You'll be my bride, I'll keep you warm at night_ **

**_I will sing, I will sing_ **

**_It was now and we were both in the same place_ **

**_Didn't know how to say the words_ **

**_With my heart ticking like a bomb in a birdcage_ **

**_I left before someone got hurt_ **

**_'Cause it was what I wouldn't do_ **

**_If I had you, babe, I had you_ **

**_It was what I wouldn't do_ **

**_When I had you, babe, when I had you."_ **

He played the final few notes, and as the last note echoed throughout the room, the audience clapped and cheered for him one last time. He smiled and looked around, just in time to see a flash of blonde going out the door.

He quickly thanked the crowd, dismissing them and handing his guitar off to August. He made a mad dash for the door, praying that she wasn't too far gone yet.

He stumbled out into the warmth of the summer night. He looked up and down the street, but she wasn't there.  _ Shit. You've done it now, Jones. _

His hands ruffled his hair in frustration, and he just stood there, unsure of what to do.

He pulled out his phone to call her, but it was then that he heard a shuffling noise from the outdoor patio next to the café.

He slowly walked over, and found her there. She was sitting in one of the metal chairs, her feet propped up on a table, her face in her hands.

"…Emma?"

Her blonde hair whirled around in surprise. She quickly rubbed the tears off of her face, and got up to leave.

"I'm sorry," she says as she brushed past him.

But she didn't get far, because his hand curled around her arm, holding her back. "Emma, please."

She stopped and looked at him, and relaxed her arms. He let go and then faced her.

"Please don't run away this time," he said, voice growing quieter. "We need to talk."

She didn't want to _.  _ She really didn't want to.

But  _ all magic comes with a price. _


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Killian finally get a chance to talk about their feelings.

"Let's go for a walk."

"Are you sure? Don't you have to take care of the café?"

"August can take care of it. I've got time."

Emma hesitated, but they set off together down the street. The walk was comfortable: the stars were out and the humid heat had dissipated into a cool breeze. They made their way towards the shoreline, to the scene of the crime.

They walked in silence, serenaded only by the distant crickets and the waves lapping the shore. Each unsure of what to say to the other, they kept walking, letting the awkward silence fester between them.

As they neared the docks, Killian veered to the left, towards the castle playground. Emma couldn't remember the last time she'd seen it, let alone walked on it. The wood was clearly falling apart now, having weathered many a storm and the stomping feet of children over the years.

They used to play there, too.

That was their main place and the setting for all of their Pirate and Princess adventures. It was where the happy endings of their make believe stories took place. They had carved their initials into the railing one day as children, as a way to never forget.

"It's been awhile," he said. He walked up the stairs of the castle and sat on the edge, letting his legs dangle over the side, his feet almost touching the ground.

Her fingers floated over the 'K + E' embedded in the wood as she walked up the stairs.

"I don't even remember the last time I was here," she noted, sitting next to him. "It's a lot smaller than I remember."

"I was talking about us, Swan."

Her head ducked as she watched their feet sway together. "Oh…right." She tried to laugh it off. "Well…it's only been a week."

"And a bloody miserable one."  


She forced a smile, to show him that she understood.

He looked hurt, but like he's trying to hide it. His expression was saying all the things he couldn't:  _ You're the one who walked away. You're the one who didn't pick up the phone. You're the one who left me alone on that beach. _

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

His voice was calm, but searching. "Why, Emma? Why did you do it?"

Her green eyes met his blue, and she was thinking about their childhood and their friendship and  _ that stupid fucking kiss  _ and it was all too much. She pushed off of the wood with her palms and her feet landed on the ground with a thud.

Killian sighed and jumped off too. Emma was tough to talk to sometimes, but he had always liked the challenge.

She walked over to the swing set and sat down, the plastic curving around her hips as she began to swing slowly. He sat next to her and did the same.

They did this for a little while, swinging in silence-nothing but the creaking of the old swings around them. Until he spoke up again.

"Emma, please. Talk to me. We can't sit here all night."

Her feet skidded to a stop and she sigeds. "I'm sorry. I just…I just don't want to have this conversation. I don't know how."

"Well there's no going back now," he said. "It's just you and me, Swan. And we need to talk about this."

"I know."

"So…why? Why'd you do it?"

"I don't know."

His voice raised a little. "What do you mean you don't know?"

She bit back. "I _mean_ , I have no idea why I did that and if I could take it back right now I would."

"Bloody hell," he mumbled, standing up in frustration.

"Killian, I'm sorry."

That was exactly why she didn't want to have this conversation.

He shook his head and looked up at the sky, taking a deep breath before he continued.

"Emma, you can't just kiss your best friend of 15 years like that and have no fucking reason for it. Especially when-"

His voice stopped abruptly, like he regretted having opened it in the first place.

She had got tears in her eyes then, because he was getting frustrated and she could  _ feel  _ his disappointment from there.

She stood up, her voice cracking as she spoke. She didn't really want to know the answer to the question she was about to ask, but she had no choice.

"Especially when-what?"

He breathed deeply, and then looked straight at her. He had tears in his eyes, too.

"Especially when," he started, lowering his voice, " _ especially  _ when that friend happens to  **love** you as much as I do."

The word hit with a force, knocking the breath out of her. They were not ones to say "I love you." She knew she loved him as her best friend, and vice versa, but still they've never said it. They've only shown it: through the little actions, like 7:45 cups of hot chocolate and a leather bracelet that he never takes off.

But to hear the word coming out of his mouth then was a completely different story.

"What are you saying?" she asked.

His shoulders slumped as he sighed again. He ached to just come out and  _ say it  _ but all he could manage is,

"I think you know what I'm saying, Emma."

She stepped backwards, still not believing what she was hearing. "No, I don't," her voice shook. "…please elaborate."

He bit his lip, trying to figure out the best way to say all of the things that had been weighing on his heart.

He took a step towards her, until his face is only inches away from hers. With every ounce of bravery he could muster, he opened his mouth.

"Emma…I know you may not be in a place to hear this right now, but I can't keep it in any longer."

Her cheeks flushed and she felt like she was about to throw up, because somehow she could sense where this was going and she didn't like it one bit.

He looked into her eyes with deep sincerity and continued.

"It's always been you for me."

Her breathing became erratic as his confession bared down on her. Her eyes were darting back and forth between his as she desperately tried to figure out a way to stop this before it got worse.

"Killian, I-"

But he saw her attempt, and kept talking.

"Emma, there is no one that I trust more in the world than you. You've always been there for me when no one else was, and…I owe you a debt that I will never be able to repay."

This made her cry, because  _ goddammit Killian. Why this? Why now? _

He smiled, timidly raising a hand to brush a tear off of her cheek.

"All I know is, over the last few years, my feelings for you have grown into much more than just friendship. They've grown into something that even I don't fully understand. What I do know is: I cannot live without you, Swan."

Her breath hitched as she continued to cry, her eyes closing as she soaked in his words.

"I was planning on telling you tonight anyway, after the open mic event, but I had changed my mind because I thought you weren't ready to hear it. Until last week, when you kissed me, and…changed everything."

He brought both of his hands up to cup her face, as tears began to fall down his own.

His eyes were pleading with her, desperate to hear her speak back an affirmation.

She couldn't look at him, so she slowly lowered her forehead to his.

Just barely, she squeaked out "Killian, I…I can't."

"Emma," he said, caressing her cheek, "You can't tell me you don't feel this. Whatever this is between us, I know you can feel it, too."

_ I feel everything,  _ she thought.

She shook her head, and pulled his hands down from her face.

"Killian, I can't do this. You're my best friend. I just feel like…if we tried to be anything more, I could lose you."

He brushed it off. "That would never happen. Emma you're not gonna lose-"

But she spoke up again, emphasizing the words as best as she could muster.

" **I** \-  **can't** –  **lose** \-  **you** ."

There were more tears brimming in the corners of her eyes, and it suddenly dawned on him that  _ you were right, Jones. She was definitely not ready to hear this. _

He knew that opening up about her feelings was not something Emma was good at. It was probably the reason she ran away from him on the beach and most definitely the reason they had never said 'I love you' during all their years of friendship.

She wasn't rejecting him. Not really. She was only asking him to wait.

And he would do anything for her.

"Come here," he said, pulling her into a hug. She buried her face into his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, holding tightly.

He spoke softly to soothe her cries. "Emma, you're not ever going to lose me. I promise."

Her words were muffled into his shirt as she speaks. "I'm sorry."

It was a genuine apology, to be sure. In two words, she managed to say everything she needed to:  _ I'm sorry that I let you down. _

"It's okay, love," he soothed. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry, too."

She breathed him in: the smell of the ocean and summer and memories and coffee and music and years of laughter, and she felt full. His arms around her were like a fortress, strong and solid, making her feel completely safe and at ease.

When their breathing calmed, she pulled back and wiped the tears from her cheeks as he did the same.

"Jesus," she laughed, "look at us."

He laughed too, looking relieved that she didn't hate him. The fear and anxiousness that they had both been feeling seems to have floated away in the breeze.

The moment turned serious again as she gathered her thoughts. "Thank you, for telling me all that."

"I thought you deserved to know."

She smiled. "You're friendship is the only thing I'm sure about right now. And you should know, since we're being honest, that I don't regret kissing you. I just regret the way it happened."

"Same here."

"I just…I just don't have room for that kind of relationship right now. There's just so many changes happening. I'll be moving soon, and then I'll have to focus on classes and work and it's just too much. I was thinking about all of that stuff that night, and was just feeling really shitty and overwhelmed. And you were there, and I was thinking about how much I'm going to miss you and I don't know what came over me, but that's why I kissed you."

He scratche behind his ear. "Yeah, I understand. It's…it's nothing, Swan. Not to worry." His expression changed from embarrassment to smugness, which was usually his way of covering up his own feelings. "It's going to be a lot harder than that to get rid of me."

She smiled at this, happy that he understood and wasn't pushing her. She didn't want to say what she was really thinking:  _ we can't do this because if anything happens it will probably be my fault and I would never forgive myself.  _

"Speaking of college," she said, "I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I um, I got a letter back from the school in New York and…well, I got in."

She saw his expression drop for only a moment, but then the corners of his lips turned up and he laughed, embracing her. "Swan, that's amazing! Congratulations!"

She laughed as her feet lift off the ground and her arms closed around his neck. "Thank you!"

He set her back down but suddenly his expression had changed.

"New York is much farther than Boston."

Her eyes turned down to look at her feet. "I know…that's the only thing I'm not happy about."

"But it's your dream school," he said, trying to cheer her up.

"Yeah," she smiled, "It is."

"Well, you know I'm proud of you, right? You're probably going to do so much better than I will in college."

She blushed but brushed it off. "Thanks. And shut up, you'll be fine. You're one of the smartest people I know."

"When do you leave?"

"One week."

His eyebrows arched as he did the math. "Only one? I thought you were still gonna be here for at least another month."

She sighed, "Yeah, I know. But orientation for the criminal justice program is earlier than the other school, and I still have to move in and everything."

"Shit," he mumbled.

"I know, I'm sorry.'

"What can I do to help?"

"My mom and I were going to start packing up my things on Monday. I'm moving next Friday morning. We'll probably need your help, seeing as I don't have any other friends."

"Well, count me in then."

They stood there smiling at each other like a couple of idiots, happy for the awkward tension and stress to be over.

He wasn't going to admit that his heart was broken, but this wasn't over. He still had a chance, and he was going to try again. He'd win her heart one day. She just wasn't ready to give it away yet. And it was okay, because he knew that Emma was worth waiting for.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked. "I'm not quite ready to go back just yet."

"I was hoping you'd say that," she answered. "Beach?"

"Definitely beach."

They walked together down the sandy shore, stopping every once in a while to look at the stars or splash water on each other. Everything could go back to normal now.

Which would be true, if everything wasn't about to change.


	9. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian helps Emma start her move to New York.

"Oh my god…did you see this one?"

She leaned over and handed him the photograph, now faded and worn around the edges. He laughed as his eyes fell on it, slightly embarrassed by what he saw. It was their first Halloween together, they couldn't have been older than 6 or 7. She was dressed to the nines in a pirate costume- _Captain Hook, to be exact_ -large brimmed hat, a painted mustache on her smiling face, and a plastic grey hook in one hand. She looked incandescently happy. And then there was him.

He was next to her, looking positively miserable in a clown costume his brother and father had thrown together for him. He distinctly remembered that he had wanted to be an astronaut…but they couldn't afford the costume, so he was forced to wear something else. He was wearing a bright multicolored jumpsuit and a rainbow wig. Emma's mother had painted his nose red, but his cheeks drowned out the color from crying so much.

The longer he looked at it, the funnier it got.

"Good god," he remarked. "That was one of the worst nights of my life."

She laughed. "Shut up, we had fun anyway."

"Whatever," he scoffed with a smile. "Keep it or leave it?"

"Are you kidding? Keep it, definitely. Unless you want it."

"Not a chance. It's all yours, _Captain._ "

He laughed and handed it back to her, and she tossed it into one of the many brown packing boxes scattered over her bedroom. They'd been packing up the last of her belongings for a few hours, and in the morning, she would be setting off for New York with her parents and Killian, who had graciously agreed to come help her move in to her new place.

She stood up and stretched, ready for a break. "I'm gonna go get a drink, want anything?"

He smiled at her. "No, I'm fine. Thanks though."

She nodded and walked out of her room, and downstairs towards the kitchen.

Killian sighed and continued to flip through the stack of pictures, each one bringing memories of childhood back to him. They were all of Emma, but he was in most of them as well. In a way they chronicled the beginnings of their friendship all those years ago. Together in their little league uniforms, walking around the zoo, faces stained red from watermelon on a hot summer day next to the pool. Always together.

He flipped through them until his eyes fall onto the last one, and it stopped him right in his tracks.

Emma took a detour before going back upstairs and had a quick conversation with her father, who was taking a break from packing her stuff into the truck.

"Emma, we can't fit all that furniture **and** your boxes into the U-Haul. You're gonna have to downsize…"

"But I need all that stuff!"

"Oh really? You need every book you own? They're taking up so much space and you've got other things you need. Plus you won't have time to read them…you'll be reading textbooks instead."

She rolled her eyes but obliged. "Fine. I'll downsize. But just a little."

Back upstairs, she noticed that it had become incredibly quiet. She peeked into her room, but Killian wasn't sitting in the spot he was before. She walked in and said his name, but got no response. Something was on the floor where he was sitting. It's a photograph.

She turned it over and immediately understood.

She jogged back down the stairs and looked around for him throughout the house, until she finally saw him sitting on the steps of the front porch, shoulders hunched over.

The screen door creaked as she steps outside. "Hey."

He quickly wiped his face and sniffles to control himself. He didn't usually cry around Emma. "Hey, sorry. I just needed some air."

She sat next to him and pulled the photograph out from her sweatshirt pocket, handing it to him.

He saw it and froze, realizing that she understood why it made him so upset. He took it from her and held it up to examine it once more, now that he could see it with more clarity.

"I haven't seen him in six years. I had almost forgotten what he really looked like, sounded like…and then I saw this picture and it all came flooding back."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know it's never been easy for you to talk about him."

"My father," he sniffled, "is not worth talking about."

"I think he is."

"Well, you didn't have to live with him, Emma. You weren't the one he abandoned. I'd really rather not talk about it."

So she didn't inquire further. She'd never really heard the story of how it all happened, but she knew that he would tell her when he was ready.

"Sorry," she said. "We don't have to talk about it."

Killian breathed a sigh of relief and forced a smile, turning to her. "Thank you. I'll save my sad story for another time. For today," he grunted and stood up, extending his hands to help her up, "let's get you ready to go tomorrow."

She smiled to hide the fact that she was actually terrified about the whole thing. Excited, but terrified. The good thing was, she wasn't going to go alone.

* * *

When she woke up the next morning, he was already there, helping her father to load the last few boxes into the U-Haul truck. The drive was going to take them most of the morning and afternoon, so they were going to leave as early as possible. Plus, they knew they were going to have the New York traffic to deal with later on.

She walked out and greeted them, and when everything was finally packed up, they hit the road. Emma and Killian drove in her yellow bug, and her parents drove the U-Haul. This way, they could drop the U-Haul off in New York, and all ride back together in the bug.

Emma drove first, and Killian controlled the music.

"Nothing to crazy," she said. "I still haven't woken up yet."

"That reminds me," he noted, "Pull over here real quick."

He pointed to the café, and this made her smile. He jumped out, and then ran over to the truck, saying something to her parents before running inside the cafe.

A few minutes later, he walked out with a cardboard carrier full of piping hot drinks and a couple bags of goodies. He handed off some to her parents before getting back in the bug. The smell of coffee and chocolate and breakfast biscuits filled the car, and Emma didn't realize how hungry she was until she smelled it. 

"One for you, Swan…hot chocolate, of course."

She eagerly took it, breathing in the scent like it was saving her life. "Praise the gods above…" she mumbled as she took that first glorious sip. He laughed and opened up the bag of food as Emma started the car, turning back out onto the street and heading out of Storybrooke.

He finally settled on his easy listening playlist, with bands like Coldplay, The Shins, and Jack Johnson. The buildings slowly faded into towering trees and forest all around as they got closer to the town line.

It was still early morning, and the fog was weaving throughout the trees and over the mountains ahead. It was a beautiful sight, and it hit Emma that this is the last time she was going to see it for quite a while. They drove past the "Welcome to Storybrooke" sign, and she couldn't help the tears that pricked at the edges of her eyes.

This place was her _home._ And she was leaving. It wasn't for good, but it felt like it was.

She shook it off, distracting herself with figuring out how to eat her food and drive at the same time.

The road stretched on, and the hours passed as they slowly but surely make their way across the states. They made a pit stop in each one to switch drivers…her father eager to take pictures to capture their entire journey. He forced them to take a photo beneath each state's welcome sign, much to everyone's chagrin.

As the morning eased into the afternoon, Emma really finally woke up, and they switched the music to things a little more lively-Killian's 80's pop playlist. Killian had always had good taste in music, but he would also throw in something stupid every once in a while just to entertain them-like a remix of the Reading Rainbow theme song or a song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that somehow he knew all the words to. In between, they talked about anything and everything just to pass the time.

It was late in the afternoon when they spotted the first road sign with hints of New York on the way. Nothing spectacular…it was still over 50 miles away, but still. It was all becoming very real.

Emma no longer felt that lingering sadness about leaving Storybrooke. She was feeling nothing but the excitement now. She couldn't wait to finally _see_ the city, to decorate her dorm room, to settle into this new phase of her life. But she also knew deep down that before that could happen…Killian and her parents would be leaving to go back to Storybrooke.

But she wasn't ready to think about that yet.

Slowly the number of miles left to go got smaller and smaller, and when they finally reached the outskirts of the city, she couldn't believe her eyes.

Even in the daytime, the skyline was breathtaking. It was so much bigger than she had ever imagined, and the city was bustling with excitement at every turn.

Killian's phone rings, but he was driving. "It's your Dad. Can you answer?"

"Hey Dad, what's up?"

"Hey, just tell Killian to follow closely behind us once we get into the city…and just to keep an eye out. The traffic and crazy drivers here are not easy to navigate."

"Sure thing."

She hung up and told Killian, who laughed. "Does he really think I wouldn't follow him once we get into that mess?"

But David was right-bumper to bumper traffic and two almost-fender benders had Killian stressing out. But Emma didn't notice…her eyes were glued to the window as she looked out into New York City for the first time.

"This is amazing," she said.

"Yeah, well the traffic sucks."

She laughed but didn't acknowledge him further on the subject.

Eventually they made their way down to Brooklyn, where her college campus was located. First thing was for Emma to meet with her advisor, and then she would have to visit campus housing to get a key to her dorm.

Killian and her parents search for somewhere to eat while Emma is in her meeting getting registered for classes. When they meet up, Emma looks stressed.

"What's wrong?" her mother asks.

"Unfortunately the housing office is closed now. We were too late. They open again tomorrow at 7am….which means I can't move in today."

"Well," her father said, "I think we've got an extra bed for you to sleep in at our hotel. You won't mind staying with us one more night will you?"

She smiled at the thought. "I guess not."

They knew where her dorm was located, so they had rented a couple rooms at hotel down the street from it. They had planned to stay just two nights before heading home.

The sun was setting as they got settled in their hotel rooms. Killian had an extra twin bed in his room across the hall from her parents, so Emma would be sleeping there. They all collectively decided that some rest was needed by all, but they would get together in an hour or so and go out for dinner together to celebrate.

Emma fell backwards onto her bed as Killian sifted through his book bag.

"I come to New York with a fucking U-Haul packed full of shit, and all you have is a backpack," she laughed.

He smiled and threw the tv remote to her. "Here, make yourself useful, Swan. Find us something good to watch."

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, I'm gonna take a quick shower, I think. Packing up the trailer and then being in your car is a lot for one day...I won't be long."

"Oh, okay."

He took his bag into the bathroom with him and shut the door.

Emma turned on the television and starts flipping through channels. There was absolutely _nothing_ on. Figures.

She faintly heard the water of the shower turn on, and then the sound grews fainter. Her thoughts were drifting…to all kinds of places she knew they shouldn't.

She was alone, in a hotel room, with Killian. Who was in the shower, presumably _very_ naked. Her best friend Killian, who she kissed because she's an idiot.

Killian, who told her just last week that he might have feelings for her.

She shook her head to banish the thought, but then it turned into something else. A memory.

A memory that is only a couple weeks old-of his lips brushing against hers and the way his hand had touched her neck and pulled her closer.

_Fucking hell, Emma,_ she thought. _Stop. This cannot happen. It would never work. He's your best friend. You're just upset because he'll be leaving in a couple days. Yeah, that's it._

She shifted her attention back to the television and finally found reruns of The Office. _Good enough._

The tap in the bathroom turned off, and a few minutes later, he emerged wearing jeans and a white undershirt, his hair still sopping wet atop his head.

He smiled when he saw what was on the TV (he loved that show). Emma tried to nonchalantly act like _I've definitely just been watching this the whole time and not thinking about you naked in the shower or when we kissed a couple weeks ago. Nope, not at all._

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he took a towel and attempted to dry his hair with it. She felt her stomach do a little flip at the sight.

_God he looks cute with his hair wet._

Before she could think about it anymore, they heard a knock on the door. It was her mother.

"We'll be leaving to go get dinner in about 10 minutes guys. Your father can't wait much longer. I'll come back and let you know when we're ready."

"Okay." Emma rolled her eyes, but was secretly thankful that she wasn't going to be alone with Killian while he looked like that much longer.

They decided to just go for a walk and find something for dinner when they saw it. They ended up at a little Italian place a couple blocks away, and had their first taste of classic New York pizza.

The night was cool and peaceful as they walked back to the hotel afterwards, the city glowing all around them. Emma was dreading going back, but everyone was tired, and they had a big day ahead of them.

She took a shower while Killian settled into his bed. After, she donned some light shorts and a t-shirt before leaving the bathroom. When she stepped out, the television was on-some random infomercial about cleaning products was flashing light across the room. Killian had already fallen asleep, the remote still in his hand. She smiled and took it from him slowly, turning off the TV. The room was quiet and still as she slipped into her bed.

As sleep pulled her under, she desperately tried to ignore the desire she had to walk over and crawl into Killian's bed. She knew that he wouldn't mind, but…that would send all the wrong signals.

* * *

Her alarm buzzed at 6:30, startling her awake. It took her a moment to remember where she was, and then it all hit her. It was move in day.

She jumped up from the bed and started looking for clothes to wear, which was easier said than done considering most of her clothes were stored away in the U-Haul. She ended up with a light cardigan(so great for late August weather in New York) and some shorts.

She started to walk towards the bathroom to change when she noticed him stir in the other bed. He was lying on his stomach, arms crossed underneath his pillow. At some point in the night, he had removed his shirt. She couldn't help it when her eyes trailed across the line of his shoulder blades, moving in sync with his breathing.

She walked over to him, and lightly pushed on his arm. "Hey, Killian."

He grumbled but didn't stir.

"Hey, wake up."

His blue eyes fluttered open, and he sat up quickly on his elbows, like he needed a moment to think about where he was. He squinted as his eyes focused on her. "Emma?"

She laughed, because when he woke up he always acted as though he was late for something. It was endearing.

"It's okay," she smiled. "It's just time to wake up. We gotta make it to the housing office in time."

He nodded and yawned, stretching out underneath the comforter. She made her way to the bathroom and finished getting ready, her mind drifting back to the sight of him in bed, his hair a mess and his eyes soft and inviting.

The wait at the housing office was a complete nightmare, but once she finally got her dormitory key, they made their way towards the campus plaza.

"You excited to meet your roommates?" Killian asked as he parallel parked her car.

"Yeah. I'm a little nervous though."

He chuckled. "What's there to be nervous about, Swan? I'm sure they'll love you. I tolerate you well enough."

"No," she answered. "I mean, what if one of them is like a klepto or something and steals all my shit when I'm not there?"

"You're a criminal justice major, Emma. Connect the dots…"

She punched his arm as he laughed.

Her dorm was located on the 10th floor of a 17 story building in the middle of campus. The place was buzzing with other freshman students and their families moving in, and Emma couldn't hide her excitement.

They started with all of Emma's _stuff-_ boxes of knick knacks and bags of clothes. She was lucky enough to be able to get into one of the suite style dorms, so she would have a room to herself, and would be living with two other girls.

One of whom was already there when she stepped into her new home for the first time.

The front door swung open to reveal a tiny suite. It was simple enough…just a little kitchen and a decent sized living area, which led to a hallway where the bedrooms were located.

The girl stepped out of one of the bedrooms and came up to her, brunette curls bouncing about.

"Hi," she said, accent thicker than any she'd ever heard. "My name's Belle. I'm a junior here."

Emma smiled and shook her hand. "Emma. Nice to meet you! Is anyone else here yet?"

"Uh, no," she answered. "Just me. I moved in a couple days ago. Our other roommate's name is Marian, she's a sophomore. She should be here some time today…but I would use that to your advantage and choose which bedroom you want."

"Good idea. Oh, god I'm sorry," Emma said, realizing she hadn't introduced anyone with her. "Uh, Belle these are my parents, and my friend Killian."

Belle smiled. "Nice to meet you all. And Emma, let me know if you need anything or need help bringing things upstairs…I'll just be in my room unpacking some things of my own."

"Okay, thanks!"

Emma smiled to Killian, who is smiling back at her. He brushed past her and whispers, "Still nervous, Swan?"

She shook her head and followed him in. They took their time inspecting the two rooms that were left, and ultimately Emma decided on the room with the view and the access to the fire escape, but it had the downfall of having to share a bathroom with Marian.

"Nice choice," Killian said. "I would have picked that one, too. That fire escape would be perfect for smoking."

"You should really try to break that habit, you know."

"I know, Swan. I know. Fine then, use it for stargazing."

"Will I even be able to s _ee_ the stars here at night? I feel like that's something I'm just gonna have to get used to."

"Among many other things, I'm sure."

It took a couple of hours, but after recruiting a couple people they met in the hallway, the process went by much faster. Her mother and father put together her bed while Killian helped her to unpack some of her things.

The afternoon dragged on and night fell, leaving everyone is exhausted. They ordered in Chinese food, and afterwards Killian set up the television so they could watch a movie.

"If you guys are okay," her mother said, "I think your father and I might head back to the hotel. It's getting late and we've got a long drive tomorrow, so we need some rest. Killian, feel free to stay as long as you want…just know we've got to check out by 9am."

"Sure thing," he nodded.

He picked the movie- _O Brother, Where Art Thou?_ and about halfway through, there's a loud knock at the door.

"That must be Marian," Emma said. She stood and shuffled towards the door, peeking through the peephole first before opening the door. 

The girl was a complete mess-attempting to hold too many bags at once, along with pulling a rolling suitcase behind her. She was brunette, too-but much more energetic than Belle.

"Hi!" she exclaimed. "You must be Emma! I met Belle the other day…hey, where's my room? Do you guys have any food here yet? Jesus, I'm starving."

Emma just stared at her, unsure of what to say for a moment. But it didn't matter, because Marian had already shoved her way through the doorway and was heading towards the last open bedroom. Moments later, a guy walked in who looked about their age. He looked like he wasn't sure he was in the right place.

Awkwardly, he looked over to Emma and Killian, who have tried to go back to watching their movie.

"Hey guys, did a brunette girl just come through here?"

"Yeah, Marian?" Emma asked.

He sighed. "That's the one."

"She just went back into the last room," Killian said.

"Thanks, mate. My name's Robin by the way."

"Killian. And this is Emma-one of Marian's roommates."

Emma smiled and nodded, and Robin retreated back into the room to help Marian.

Killian laughed. "She seems like fun," he said, the sarcasm practically dripping off his tongue.

"If anyone's the klepto," Emma noted, "my money's on her."

The movie played on, and before they knew it, the two of them had fallen asleep on the couch together. It wasn't even _that_ late-only 11:30, but it had been a long day. Killian was sitting up on one end, his head fallen back onto the couch and his arm draped over a side. Emma was lying next to him, her blonde hair spilling over the pillow next to his lap. He woke up when he heard Robin leave.

He tried to nudge Emma awake, because he really just wanted to go back to the hotel and _sleep_ but he was still here and she looked so peaceful. She didn't stir, so Killian took matters into his own hands.

He slowly got up from the couch, careful not to wake her. He then scooped her up off of the couch and into his arms. Emma stirred just enough to settle into him as he carried her back into her bedroom. He laid her gingerly on her bed and covered her up with the blanket before leaving to head back to the hotel.

He got back around midnight and collapsed in a heap on his bed. His room felt especially empty now that she wasn't there. The blankets on her bed had been straightened up, probably by hotel cleaning staff. It looked as though she was never there.

Around 3 in the morning, he received a text that woke him.

Groggy, his eyes tried desperately to focus on the screen. It's Emma.

(3:24AM) EMMA: **_are you awake?_**

(3:25AM) KILLIAN: **_I am now. You okay?_**

He waited for her answer, but instead of a text, he heard a gentle knock on his door.


	10. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian shares about his past. Emma questions her move.

Confused, Killian got up from bed and quietly made his way to the door. He opened it to see Emma standing in the doorway, looking as if she instantly regretted being there.

"Emma-"

"Sorry- I know it's late, I just…" Her voice trailed off as tears welled up in her eyes.

He felt a little shocked at all of it and had no idea what to say. But it didn't matter, because moments later she was embracing him, the weight of her arms holding firm around his neck. He held her back, and they didn't move for what seemed like an eternity.

He wasn't sure why she was hugging him like that-like she didn't want to let go, but he wasn't about to protest. In just a few short hours, he would be going back to Storybrooke, and wouldn't get this chance again for some time.

She finally relaxed her grip and smiled. "I woke up and you were gone."

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't want to freak your roommates out."

She looked sad again, like at any moment she could break again. Like what she wanted to say is taking every ounce of bravery she had.

"I don't want you to leave."

His heart sunk in his chest, because yes, he was sad to go back…but Emma would be the one staying here, all by herself.

"Come here," he said, pulling her into another hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest until her breathing calmed again.

He smelled of coffee, and a clean cotton shirt, and _home._

He brought a hand up to her hair, gently holding her head against him. He laid his chin on her head, speaking softly. "You'll be alright, Swan."

She pulled back and looks down at her feet nervously. She wasn't used to being this vulnerable, but if she was going to try, he was the only person she felt comfortable with. He knew her better than anyone.

"I've never been on my own before," she whispered.

He gave her a sympathetic smile before reaching around and shutting the door behind her.

"Shall I make us some coffee?"

She smiled and nodded. He always knew what she needed. He'd always been there for her-even at 3 in the morning in a strange new city, he didn't hesitate to put her first.

As Killian started the coffee, she opened the curtains of the room, and was amazed by the view. It was pitch black out, but the lights of the city shone bright and yellow, casting a warm glow into the room.

"Woah," she muttered.

She sat down on the floor next to her bed, and continued to admire the view while Killian finished making the coffee.

A minute later, he was offering her a styrofoam cup full of the hot liquid, and crouched to sit next to her. They took a few sips in silence, until Killian spoke up.

"This is, without a doubt, the worst cup of coffee I have ever had."

Emma almost spit out her drink from laughing.

"You're just a coffee snob because you work in a café."

"You know I'm right."

He carefully set the cup on the floor next to him, and crossed his arms over his bent knees. "So, Swan. Talk to me."

"I don't know, I just…" her voice trailed off, because she really hated talking about her feelings. It was not something she'd ever been good at.

"Emma, it's okay. It's just me."

She took a breath and continued. "I guess I'm just scared. I'm scared that I'm going to hate it here, but I'm also scared that I'm going to love it."

"Come again?"

She thought carefully about her words before speaking again. "What I mean is, I already have a home, back in Storybrooke. I just don't want to forget about it, or move on, or let myself change too much just because I'm here. I'm scared that I'm going to lose myself…and you."

"College is meant to help us grow, love. Don't let your fears control your life. You've already done a really brave thing just by coming here. And I think if you let yourself, you can make this experience worth it."

"You really think so?"

"Of course. And as for me…you're not gonna lose me. I promise."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"Plus," he continued, "it's not like we won't still talk every day. We can text or skype or whatever you want."

"What do you want?" She asked.

"All of the above."

A smile crept onto her face, because for the first time since arriving here, she actually felt like she was going to be fine.

"I should probably go back," she mentioned.

"Or, we could go exploring."

"It's after 4 in the morning, Killian."

"So? This is New York City, the city that never sleeps. I'm sure we can find something to entertain us. I'm awake now anyway."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Enough, Swan. Let's go. Maybe we can find somewhere close with some decent coffee."

She shook her head in defeat. "Fine. But only for a little bit. You need to get s _ome_ rest before driving back tomorrow."

"Today, you mean."

The realization finally set in. "Yeah," she said, dejected. "Today."

* * *

They started walking down the street back towards her dorm, and when they reached her car, a sly smile stretched across Killian's face.

"What?" Emma asked.

"How far away from the Brooklyn Bridge are we?"

"Not too far. Ten, maybe 15 minutes?"

"Give me your keys."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Come on, we'll find some coffee, and then go walk part of the bridge. It'll be great. I've always wanted to see it anyway."

She couldn't help but smile as she tossed her keys to him.

They ended up on Front Street at a local coffee shop. It was picturesque, with its low hanging lights and exposed brick. It reminded them of the Magic Bean back home, only much bigger. Because they were out so early, they were the first customers of the day.

A scruffy guy sauntered up to the counter. "Morning, what can I get started for you guys?"

She caught the name tag on his shirt- _Graham. Better catalogue that for later use. Might be able to get some free coffees if I start acting like a local…_

"Hot chocolate for me, and a tall coffee for this one. Strongest you've got."

He nodded and gets to work while Killian paid the girl at the register.

There was a ding of a bell as a crowd started to trickle in, preparing for their day.

"Looks like we made it just in time," Killian said, handing her drink over. She stopped at the counter to add some cinnamon, and they walked back outside.

"It's starting to get lighter out," she noted.

"Well, we better hurry if we're gonna see the sun rise."

They found a spot to park near the pedestrian entrance to the bridge, and started walking.

The bridge was even more beautiful in person than in any pictures she's seen of it up to that point.

"I will definitely have to come here a lot, since I'll be living so close."

"Lucky," Killian scoffed. "It's an amazing view, for sure."

They walked, suspended above the Hudson as if they are floating on air. It was breathtaking, this view of the city at this time of day. The light was just beginning to peek out from behind the skyscrapers, spreading warmth and color back into the sky.

They found a good stopping point after walking for a few minutes, and stopped to watch as the sun slowly lit up everything around them. It was quiet, with only a few morning joggers and walkers passing them by.

"Now this is more like it," he said, raising his cup in toast.

"To you, Swan."

"No, no. To us."

He smiled as they toasted their drinks and she took a sip, the hot liquid warming and waking her up.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered. "I will be now."

"Good."

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me, Swan. I'm used to it."

"To what?"

He said it nonchalantly, but it was laced with deafening truth. "Being left alone."

Her heart sunk, because she hadn't thought of that. His brother Liam was always busy working, his mother was dead, and his father abandoned them years ago. He didn't have many people to lean on outside of her and her family.

"Killian, I would never leave you alone. You're not going to lose me, either."

She reached over and points to the leather bracelet wrapped around his wrist. "Remember?"

He simply nodded, turning the bracelet round and round his wrist.

"Will you tell me? About what happened with your Dad, I mean."

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Fine."

They found a bench nearby, and they finished their coffee while he told her the story.

"Well as you know, he wasn't really around much when we were kids. I vaguely remember a time when he was, but it must not have lasted long. I just remember him coming home late at night smelling like liquor, or not coming home at all for a few days at a time. Liam was the one who was taking care of me…getting me ready for school, making sure I ate and did my homework."

Emma listened intently as he continued.

"When we were in 7th grade, he left and I finally realized that he was never coming back."

"All I remember is my parents telling me that he'd gone," she said, "but no one ever told me the story. And when I saw you after that you acted as though nothing had changed."

"Because nothing really had," Killian answered. "The only thing that changed was my view of him. I remember the last time I saw him. He told me he was going to the store for something and would be back later. Only, he didn't come back that night."

"What did you do?"

"I sat on our front porch like an idiot, every day after school. Just waiting for him to pull into the drive."

"Killian, you were just a kid, you didn't know."

"Well, a week later, someone did pull into the drive, but it wasn't my father."

"Who was it?"

"Yours."

Emma is taken aback by this revelation. "Mine? Why?"

"He was still the Sheriff then. Anyway I was sitting on the porch again waiting, and he pulled up. Liam came outside and he told us that our father had been arrested for attempted theft in Boston, and that's when I knew he wouldn't be coming back."

"Oh my god," Emma muttered.

"It was all for the best, I suppose."

"Yeah, but you were just a little kid. You shouldn't have had to go through that."

"Liam and I learned to rely on each other. Your parents looked out for us, too. Liam was old enough to get a job, and he's been working to support us ever since. As soon as I was old enough, I got a job too to help out."

"I'm sorry, Killian. I had no idea it was like that."

"Now you know why I always wanted to go to your house after school," he said. "My house was almost always empty."

She couldn't help the tears that were on the verge of spilling over as all of it sank in.

"Well, shitty father or not," she said, "you turned out pretty well."

He laughed a little, but she could tell it was to cover up how much he still hurts about all of it.

"Emma, I'm terrified."

"Of what?"

"That I will become just like him."

"That's not possible, Killian. You're the sweetest, most selfless person I know."

"But I'm sure he was happy, once. I think a lot of his downfall was because of my mother's death. I think-" he was clearly trying to hold back tears now.

"I think," he continued, "that he blamed me for it. And that's why he left. My mother died after giving birth to me. He left because he hated me."

She couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. All she wanted to do was wrap him up and hold him close and protect him from all of this shit.

"No." she said, determinedly. "He left you because he was a selfish asshole. Not because you weren't worth staying for."

He looked at her, like that is the first time anyone had ever told him that.

And it was.

He leaned forward and wiped the tears off of his face, trying to pull himself together.

"Okay?" she asked.

He nodded, letting her words sink in.

"Hey," she said, wanting him to look at her. His blue eyes met her green, and she said something that she never had before.

"You know I love you, right?"

He knew that she meant it in a friendship way, but words couldn't express how much it lifted his heart to hear her say it, regardless of the context.

"I love you too, Swan."

"And when you love someone," she continued, voice shaking, "you don't abandon them. I'm not your father, Killian. And I will never do that to you."

He nodded. "I know."

"Good."

After sitting on the bench a while longer, they decided to head back.

In a matter of hours, their world had completely shifted. They had reached a new level of trust and understanding with each other. They had needed this. They needed to know that they weren't going to lose each other, no matter how far apart they were.

* * *

"See you in a bit," he says as he dropped her back off at her dorm. She waved and heads into the building, blonde curls bouncing about.

He gripped the steering wheel, because _gods he does not want to leave her now._ Her words were echoing in his head.

_I love you._

But he didn't walk out after her, and turned back down the street towards the hotel.

About an hour later, Emma's parents walked over with Killian to say goodbye.

"Let us know if you need anything sweetie," her mother said through tears, pulling her into an embrace.

Emma felt a little embarrassed about the scene they're making, but knew deep down that she was going to miss her parents once they left. Her father was next, cradling her head and telling her to be safe and call them often.

Her parents left first, to give them a minute alone. Killian stood there, hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"I'm gonna miss you, Swan."

She hated this. She hated everything about this.

"I'm gonna miss you, too."

Seconds later she flung herself into his arms, and he was holding onto her like his life depended on it. They were sniffling and fighting it, but their time was running out.

Her hand skimmed his hair and she quickly planted a kiss on his cheek. "Call me when you make it home, okay?"

"I will."

Her father beeped the horn of her car and waved them on.

"I'd better go before your father loses it. Oh, but before I forget, I have something for you."

He whipped around his backpack and pulled out a tiny, flat box from the pocket.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Open it later tonight."

"Okay," she said, turning the little box over in her hands.

As she was looking down at it, he planted a kiss to her forehead. She looked up at him once last time.

"Bye," he said, smiling softly.

"Bye."

He jogged towards the yellow bug and hopped into the back seat. She could see him through the back window, and waved at him one last time before the car turned the corner and drove out of sight.

Suddenly, she felt very, very small in a big city. And very much alone.

She locked herself in her bedroom for the rest of the day, because she was a crying mess and had no idea what to do with herself.

"First night is always the hardest," Belle mentioned to her in the hallway, touching her arm in a sympathetic gesture.

Emma smiled in gratitude but went back to her room, the sobs overtaking her until her whole body ached. She was so worn out from crying and being up all night, that eventually she fell asleep.

Later in the afternoon, she awoke to her phone buzzing.

(4:54 PM) KILLIAN: **_we're home. Miss you already._ **

Her fingers flew as she typed back.

(4:55 PM) EMMA: **_I want to come home_ **

A few minutes passed until he replied, probably because he was trying to think of the best thing to say.

(5:05 PM) KILLIAN: **_did you open your gift yet?_ **

She had completely forgotten about his gift through all her crying fits and restless sleep. Frantically, she grabbed it from her side table and opened it.

(5:10 PM) EMMA: **_I love it…_ **

(5:11 PM) KILLIAN: **_yeah? Im glad. Thought it might make you feel better while I'm gone._ **

(5:12 PM) EMMA: **_it does. you have no idea. thank you so much_ **

(5:13 PM) KILLIAN: **_of course, swan. I wish I was still there._ **

(5:14 PM) EMMA: **_me too_ **

(5:15 PM) KILLIAN: **_you'll be okay…just give it time. I'll call you in a little bit?_ **

(5:20 PM) EMMA: **_please._ **

That evening, Emma sat on the fire escape outside her window, her fingers clutched around the little silver sailboat pendant now hanging around her neck. There had been a note with it when she opened the box.

_For you. I have the bracelet, and now you have this. Remember: I'm not going anywhere. – K_

She sighed and held it tighter as she searched for any sign of stars among the city sky.


	11. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma adjusts to life in New York. Killian thinks about what to get Emma for her birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character Rose in this chapter is meant to be Tinkerbell, named after the actress who plays her in the show.

"You still awake? Emma?"

In true Emma fashion, she had fallen asleep on her desk, head buried among mounds of textbooks and papers.

He chuckled as he watched her through the computer screen. They'd taken to Skype as the main way to communicate while she was away at school. It made the miles between them seem shorter than they really were.

In the end, he had decided to take a couple classes at Storybrooke Community College anyway. He figured that doing part time school would be helpful not only for his own career long term, but also just to give him something to keep himself occupied with now that Emma was gone.

They were about 2 months into the semester, and midterms were right around the corner. He had been immersed in a reading for class, when he finally noticed that things had become particularly quiet on Emma's end of the skype call.

He laughed to himself, taking one last look at the sleeping blonde in front of him, desperately wishing that she really was and not hundreds of miles away.

He typed a quick message before signing off for the evening.

Emma later awoke to a black screen and a pounding behind her eyes. She looked over to the clock (4 am… _ jesus _ ) and sat up to stretch her tight limbs. She still wasn't quite used to pulling all-nighters for studying just yet.

As her eyes came back into focus, she tapped the mouse pad of her laptop, bringing the screen back to life.

A little surge of disappointment hit her when she saw the "offline" notice next to Killian's name, but it floated away when she saw his last message.

**_storybrookepirate33:_ ** _ you're pathetic, Swan. In the sweetest way. Good night _

She laughed to herself and shut her computer. Slowly, she walked over to her bed and slid under the covers, burrowing deep down and allowing sleep to drag her back under.

All nighters be damned.

* * *

When she first started the semester, she had been a complete wreck. Crying whenever she was alone, avoiding her suite mates, and not being able to focus on her classes.

She missed her best friend. She missed  _ home _ .

It wasn't until about a month into it that she began to find her footing. The sobs became lighter, her suite mates more inviting, and her professors more understanding.

Of course, the gorgeous autumn weather helped quite a bit, too. She found that the best way to clear her head when she was feeling upset was to go for walks. And there was no better place to do it than New York City. Sometimes she'd walk all the way to the little coffee shop where Killian had taken her, and sometimes she'd walk as far as the Brooklyn Bridge.

All in all, she still missed home more than anything (what she wouldn't  _ give  _ for a grilled cheese from Granny's), and even though she was crying less and less every day, she still had moments of weakness. But when she did, all she had to do was clutch the small silver sailboat hanging around her neck, and she'd instantly feel better ( _ Remember: I'm not going anywhere) _ . If she was sure about anything these days, it was that being in New York made her realize just how much she missed Killian, and just how much she needed him in her life.

* * *

October finally rolled around, bringing the crisp air and promise of holidays (of seeing her) with it. He was doing just fine, taking his night classes at the local community college and working at the Magic Bean part time. He'd even taken to volunteering down at the college radio station in his spare time. It felt good to be surrounded by music, considering that all of his idle thoughts usually turned to Emma and how much he missed her.

He was amazed to realize that life in Storybrooke continued as normal even without Emma there. And he couldn't decide if he should feel grateful for that (he missed her too damn much) or if he should curse it.

He hadn't seen her for almost 2 months now, except for through a computer screen. They talked almost every day, doing their best to keep up with each other.

One such time, they were skyping about a week before midterms. Emma was getting a head start on studying, and Killian was working on a last minute writing assignment.

"Okay, here we go," he said to himself, trying to work up the energy to start the paper.

He jumped in place, bobbing his shoulders and rolling his neck, like he was about to enter a fight of some sort.

She laughed at him about fifteen minutes later when he decided it was time for a break.

"Killian, seriously?"

He grinned at her. "Look I really can't concentrate on this stupid thing now anyway. Let's talk about something more interesting."

"Like what?" She sighed, giving into him.

"Like your birthday."

She tried to shrug it off. "I hadn't thought about it."

"I very much doubt that. It's only two weeks away."

She'd definitely thought about it. But it only made her sad because she wouldn't be able to go home for it. All their money was concentrated in getting her home for Thanksgiving break and Christmas, but her birthday would have to take a hit.

"I don't know, Killian. The thought just depresses me, to be honest."

He set his elbow on the desk and balled up his fist underneath his chin with a sigh.

"There has to be something you want, Swan."

She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, as if it were nothing.

But he knew her better than that.

"Emma, I know you. What would you like for your birthday?"

She doesn't look up at the screen, but instead fiddles her thumbs together.

"To see you."

His stomach dropped when he heard it. That's what he was afraid she was going to say.

"Emma, you know I'd love to see you. But I have work and classes and now the station-"

"I know, I know," she said, cutting him off with a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry about it."

For the rest of the night, they didn't mention it again.

* * *

Storybrooke College had allowed him to share an hour long radio program slot with a girl named Rose, who was also in one of his classes at school.

Every Thursday night at 9pm, Emma would be waiting by her computer to listen in.

The Thursday night before the Friday that was her birthday, she had tuned in just in time to hear the show.

Her phone buzzed on the bed next to her.

KILLIAN (9:01 PM): **_you listening? ive got something special planned tonight in honor of someones birthday_**

EMMA (9:03 PM): **_of course! cant wait :)_**

She sighed and dropped the phone back on the bed, annoyed with herself that she could pretend to act so happy when all she wanted was to be able to see him, to hear him-

The familiar fuzziness of the radio station began to hum through her speakers, and then the tell-tale music that began the show.

She expected to hear his voice, because he was always the one who spoke on the show (Rose didn't like it, she did all the behind the scenes work). But this time it wasn't his voice, it was Rose.

"Evening everyone," she said. "Thanks for tuning in tonight, uhh...sorry this is really awkward for me because I don't usually do this, but my partner in crime had a last minute change of plans."

Emma turned up the volume, feeling the blood rush to her ears. What was he up to?

"So," Rose continued. "He asked me to read this note in his absence."

She could hear the sound of paper being unfolded and smoothed out, and then Rose began to read.

_ "Evening, blokes. I know you were probably expecting to hear my voice when you tuned in tonight, but I had some very important business to attend to. As some of you may know, tomorrow is the birthday of a very dear friend of mine, and honestly that's much more important to me than playing tunes for you gits. Just kidding, please don't fire me. Yours truly, Killian Jones." _

Rose took a deep breath, and continued. "Killian, you're a bastard for leaving me with this, but who could say no to that stupid face of yours? Well folks, stick around because we've got a lot of great music coming your way within the next hour. Oh, and Emma, if you're listening, please go open your front door. I have a text here that says you've locked the poor bloke out-"

The sound went fuzzy, and then Rose's voice came back, though muffled. "What do you mean it was supposed to be a surprise? Killian! Well sorry, you didn't tell me all that..."

Next thing she knew, she was hurling her laptop onto the bed and gunning it for her front door. She moved the chain and unlocked the deadbolt. The door swung open, spreading light into the hallway. He was there, sporting a flannel shirt over his classic black tee, his cross necklace hanging low on his chest, and on his face he sported probably the biggest smile she'd ever seen on him.

"Swan!-"

He just about lost his balance when she tackled him with a hug. She had thrown her arms around his neck, and he couldn't help but laugh. He set her back down, and she hit him playfully on the shoulder before wiping a tear off of her face.

"I can't believe you!"

"Are you surprised?" he laughed.

"Well, yeah! You made it seem like coming down here was gonna be impossible."

"It almost was, but I figured it out."

"Here, here," she said, grabbing his duffle bag off of the floor. "Let's go inside."

He followed her in, and was amazed to see the little apartment in its current state. The last time he saw it was when he had helped her move in. There had been nothing but a couch and the television stand(and her,asleep in his arms), with boxes piled high all around the rooms.

But now, the girls had transformed the little apartment. It was warm and homely, with white lights hung from the ceiling (no doubt Emma's doing), and art work hung on the walls, and some manner of candle burning at all times.

"Place looks nice," he mentioned as she led him back into her room.

"Thanks," she said, tossing his bag onto the floor. She turned around to look at him, placing a hand on her hip and shaking her head in disbelief.

"You would do something like this."

"You said you wanted to see me, Swan. And here I am."

She walked over towards him, circling her arms around his middle, inhaling his scent(coffee and woods and  _ home _ ) and sighed with contentment.

"And I'm so glad you are."

She looked up at him then, heart swelling with happiness.

Happiness, but something more.

His eyes were bluer than she remembered. Or maybe it just seemed that way because it had been months since she'd seen them. And he'd grown quite a bit more stubble since then, too.

His arms around her were firm yet gentle, keeping her from collapsing into a puddle before him.

She felt herself getting pulled into the deep blue of his eyes, her stomach flipping at the way they danced across her face.

"I...I really missed you," she whispered.

He smiled then and planted a kiss to her forehead.

"I missed you too, Swan."

"How long will you be staying?"

"Just the weekend, unfortunately."

"Well then," she said, taking a step back. "I guess we need to make the most of our time then, huh?"

He smiled. "It's like you're reading my mind."


	12. Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian and Emma celebrate her birthday.

Her dreams were peaceful that night. Knowing that he was actually there, asleep on the couch, eased every worry she had. In just a few weeks she would be able to go home, but for now, she had him.

She woke up to the feeling of someone tapping on her leg. She looked up through hazy eyes, and heard him calling her.

_ "Swan...wake up..." _

_ "Bloody uncomfortable couch..." _

She laughed a little, burying her face into her pillow, willing herself to wake up.

She sighed and stretched underneath the covers, her vision finally coming into focus. Killian was sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Morning. And happy birthday," he said with a grin.

She couldn't help but smile along with the surge of happiness she felt in her chest. It was amazing how you could look forward to one day all year but then forget what day it was when it actually came.

"Thanks."

"Any decent places to get breakfast around here?" he asked.

She laughed. "Well,I know a good bagel place that will change your life."

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Get up!"

He laughed and patted the back of her leg again, and then retreated back into the living room so she could get ready.

They spend the rest of the morning and afternoon sightseeing. Walking through Central Park with a couple of everything bagels (to which Killian did say his life was forever changed...Granny's failed in comparison), to roaming through Times Square, and finally heading to the top of Rockefeller Center.

"Swan, I can't."

"Killian, come on. The view is amazing!"

"I feel like I'm going to be sick," he laughed nervously.

"Stop being such a baby."

"How tall did you say this was?"

"About 70 stories."

"Jesus."

She finally walked back over to him, stretching out a hand.

"Come on, it's perfectly safe."

He sighed deeply before giving in and grabbing her hand.

One look over the side of the building, and his hand was flying back up to cover his eyes.

"Alright, Swan. I'm good. Get me off this bloody thing."

She laughed and shook her head, taking a mental picture of him like this, just for when she was feeling down.

* * *

A little bell rung above them when they entered the coffee shop.

"This is the same one we went to last time, right?" Killian asks offhandedly.

"Sure is," Emma said. "I come here a lot actually."

Just then, one of the baristas was looking in their direction.

"Hey, Emma! The usual?"

She waved and nodded back. "Make it two this time!"

"Jesus, Swan. First name basis, huh?"

"Yeah..." she said, wincing."It's your fault, really."

"My fault?" he laughed.

"You brought me here! So yes, it's all your fault."

The barista rounded the corner with two drinks in hand.

"Here you go," he said, handing them over. "Two hot chocolates, on the house."

"Thanks Graham!" Emma remarked.

"No problem, And if you guys need anything else, just let me know."

Graham's hand was touching Emma's arm now, and Killian couldn't help but look at him suspiciously.

Graham walked away then, leaving them to their drinks. Emma seemed blissfully unaware of just what had happened.

They sat outside the cafe on a bench, sipping their drinks and enjoying the crisp fall air.

"Graham seems nice," Killian said before taking another sip.

Emma's eyes narrowed, because she could sense his tone had something accusatory behind it.

"Yeah...uh, he is I guess."

"He likes you."

Emma set her drink down in her lap. "What?"

"Mhm. I could tell."

"He's just doing his job, Killian."

"By giving away free drinks? I hardly think that's good business, Swan."

"What," she laughed, "are you jealous or something?"

Killian took the top off of his drink, letting the steam out before drinking again.

"Don't be ridiculous. But do you..." he started, "do you like him?"

_ Where the hell was this coming from? _

"No..." she said. "I come here for coffee or hot chocolate and that's it. Plus I told you back in the summer, I don't really have time for-"

"Sorry," he said, cutting her off. "Forget I asked. It was a stupid question anyway."

She wasn't sure how to feel about that. After an awkward minute or so, she continued.

"You're right though," she confessed. "I've gotten that vibe from him before, too."

"Really?" he said. "At least I'm not going crazy."

"Yeah. That's why I usually get my drinks to go."

He laughed then, letting out the anxiety of the previous moment. He still held out hope that one day, Emma would change her mind about them. The thought of her being with someone else made him cringe, but thankfully that was not the case. There was still hope.

"Wanna get out of here?" he asked.

"Looks like now you're reading  _ my _ mind."

* * *

Emma was sitting at the kitchen table, munching on a bowl of cereal, when Belle entered the apartment.

"Hey, you! Happy birthday!" she shouted, running over to give Emma a quick hug.

"Oh-" Emma grunted as Belle's arms circled around her. "Thanks, Belle."

Belle walked back over towards the door, hanging her coat up and her keys on the rack.

"Where's Killian?"

"He's in the shower," Emma said. "We're getting ready to go back out for dinner in a little bit."

"Nice," Belle said. "So uhh...if you don't mind my asking...what's the deal with you two?"

Emma swallowed a big bite of cereal. "What do you mean?"

Belle came back over to the table and sat down next to her.

"I mean...are you guys just friends or what?"

Emma took a deep breath, trying to stay as neutral as possible.

"Just friends. He's my best friend, actually. Has been for a long time."

"I see," Belle said, sitting back in her chair. "You guys just seemed so close, I thought maybe something was going on."

"We are close...it's just. Nothing like that, that's all."

"Whatever you say," Belle said, smiling. "But I think you guys would be cute together, is all."

"Well," Emma started, unsure if she should be saying any of this, "he has expressed feelings for me in the past."

Belle's eyes widened with excitement. "Seriously? Emma. How could you not jump on that opportunity? He's  _ gorgeous. _ Not to mention nice and caring and your best friend. What happened?"

"I don't know," Emma said. (This was the first time in a while that she'd thought about this).  "I was scared, I guess."

"But did you like him, too?"

"That's what I wasn't sure of. And I didn't want to risk our friendship over it."

Belle nodded in understanding. "Maybe it's all about the timing."

Emma smiled at her. "Yeah, maybe."

Moments later, Killian emerged from the bathroom, steam rolling out behind him. He had nothing but a towel around his waist (damn him) and the necklace hanging over his chest, his hair still wet and draped over his eyes. He looked over to see them staring.

"Hey, it's Belle, right?"

They had both been in a sort of trance (who could blame them), which Belle snapped out of first.

"Uh, yeah. Nice to see you again, Killian."

"You too."

"Hey listen," Belle started. "I was just telling Emma about this party that a friend is throwing tonight..."

"You were?" Emma said, confused.

Belle dismissed her comment and continued. "...and I was going to tell her that you guys are welcome to stop by after dinner if you're looking for something to do."

Killian shrugged his shoulders and looked at Emma, unsure of what to say.

"It's up to the birthday girl, I guess."

Belle looked at Emma, waiting for an answer.

"Uh...I guess that sounds fun?" Emma said.

"Great!" Belle answered, smile widening. "I'll text you the address when I get it from Marian."

"Sounds good," Killian said. "If you don't mind, I've got to go change before there is a permanent water stain on your floor."

Belle waved him on, and he walked back to Emma's room to change.

Emma turned to her. "You know I hate parties."

"I know," she said with a sly smile. "That's why I didn't tell you about it before."

"You're evil."

"Oh hush. It'll be fun. Nothing too crazy...just a few people."

"There's no such thing when Marian is involved."

Belle pursed her lips and nodded her head in agreement.

"No matter," she said. "Just pretend like it's a party for your birthday. Wear one of your favorite outfits and bring your favorite guy along, and maybe it will be bearable."

"That's true. At least I have Killian."

"Exactly!" Belle smiled. "That's the spirit."

They sat there in comfortable silence, until Emma speaks again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything. I'm an open book," Belle said.

"Have you ever been in love?"

Belle looked down at the table and sighed. "Yeah, I was, once."

"What was it like?"

She thought about it for a moment. "You know that feeling of when you're on a swing set, and you decide that you want to let go and just jump out into the air, and then suddenly before you know it, you're flying and your heart is racing?"

"Yeah," Emma replied.

"Being in love is like that."

Emma looked at her, trying to contemplate what she meant.

"And when you lose that love," Belle continued, "That's the feeling of hitting the ground."

"What happened?"

Belle sighed, obviously pained by the memory. Emma was starting to regret bringing it up in the first place.

"We had to separate. He was much older than me. Old enough to have a child, in fact. In the end he decided it was best for him to go back to his ex-wife for the sake of their son, and give me a chance to find someone closer to my age."

"Belle, I'm so sorry," Emma said. "I had no idea."

"Yeah, well, it's okay. Life goes on."

"Have you heard from him at all?"

"No. But I have hope. Hope that, one day either we will meet again and be in a better place, or I can meet someone else who will make me feel the same way."

"Is that what you want? To find someone else?"

"No. I really doubt that I can ever have with someone else what I had with him."

_ This was all starting to feel like familiar territory now. _

"Like you said…maybe it's all about the timing."

"Yeah," Belle shrugged. "Maybe."

"Was it worth it?" Emma asked. "I mean, do you regret it?"

Belle paused before answering.

"Not for a second."

* * *

He was waiting for her in the living room when she finally came out.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

He turned to answer her, but was stopped in his tracks.

Emma was standing there in the doorway to her room, dressed to the nines in an adorable short floral dress and high heels. Her hair has been pulled to the side in a loose braid, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to just push her back into that room and kiss her like she deserved.

He shook off the thought and tried to keep it cool. "Emma, you look stunning."

She blushed, looking down at the dress. "Well, it is a special occasion. You look pretty dashing yourself."

"I tried," he laughed. He's wearing black dress pants, and a deep blue dress shirt with a gray dress cardigan. He smiled and walkd over, offering her his arm. "Care to join me for dinner, birthday girl?"

"Yes, God…I'm starving."

_ She tried to ignore the way her stomach flipped at the sight of him. She really did. _

They ended up at fancy Indian restaurant not too far away (that was Emma's favorite), and enjoyed an evening of spicy food and laughs, catching up on all the little details of each other's now separate lives. To anyone else in the restaurant, they probably looked like they were on a date.

And she had to admit, she didn't really mind. After her conversation with Belle, she had some serious thinking to do about this… _ thing  _ that her and Killian had. But for the moment, it could wait.

Towards the end of dinner, Emma's phone lit up on the table in front of her.

"It's Belle."

"What's the verdict then?"

"Well, it looks like the house isn't too far from here. We could probably walk if you wanted to just stop by."

"I only want to do what  _ you  _ want to do, Swan. It's your birthday, after all."

She thought about it for a moment, and made her decision.

"Let's go."

He looked surprised. "Seriously? Because you seemed unsure earlier."

"Yeah," she shrugged. "Why not. And if it's awful, we can just leave and do something else."

"Alright," he said. "Let's pay and get the hell out of here, then."

* * *

As they walked down the street in comfortable silence, Emma couldn't help but think back to her conversation with Belle.

" _ I really doubt that I can have with someone else what I had with him." _

She knew that her relationship with Killian was special, to be sure. She just had no idea how to be more than that. She loved him too much to do anything that might jeopardize what they had. But at the same time…

He had the bluest damn eyes. And sometimes when his hair would fall in his face her stomach would do little flips. And earlier when he walked out of the bathroom with nothing but the goddamn towel around his waist…

But no. It was more than that. It was all the times that he was her shoulder to cry on, and all the times he encouraged her. It was all the times that he brought her hot chocolate, and all the times he made her laugh.

It was the way she had felt when she kissed him on the beach, which seemed like ages ago now. Yeah, she knew exactly what Belle was talking about.

" _ You feel like you're flying. That's what being in love is like." _

When his lips were against hers, she felt completely weightless. But when the reality of what she'd done hit her, it was like being thrown back against the ground.

Had she just been afraid to admit it to herself that what she was feeling was real? (She's starting to think that was the case).

But even if she did love him like that (jesus), she had no idea how he felt about it anymore. Maybe he'd given up hope and moved on from that prospect. He had other friends who were girls. Maybe he'd moved on to one of them…

She suddenly became very aware of him next to her, and could feel the heat rising up in her cheeks.

"Everything alright, love? You look concerned about something."

"What? Oh, uh…no I'm fine. I think we're here."

They rounded the corner of the street and came upon a large white townhouse, where they could hear the music coming from inside.

"Here goes nothing," she said.

As soon as they got inside, Emma was amazed that they were able to fit that many people into one townhouse. You would think the entire college was there.

There were drinks, food, and even a small stage set up in the living room, where a band was playing.

Over the crowd, she could hear someone shouting her name.

"Emma! Over here!"

Marian was fighting her way through the crowd until Emma finally spotted her. Grabbing Killian's hand, she pulled him through with her.  They finally got to Marian, but still had to yell over the music.

"Hey guys!" Marian said first, obviously a little bit tipsy already.

"Hey!" Emma shouted. "Is Belle here?"

"WHAT?" Marian shouted back.

"BELLE!" Emma emphasized.

"Ohhh! No, she left early."

_ Of course she did. _

Marian spoke again. "Go enjoy yourselves…there's plenty of food and beer. You know the drill!"

Next thing Emma knew, Marian was being whisked away by Robin, who was looking extremely mischievous.

Emma turned back to Killian, who wasn't able to hear any of that conversation. She had to lean in close to him so she didn't have to yell.

"Looks like it's just you and me."

(Her chest tightens at the fact that she could feel the stubble on his face again)

He smiled, and leaned over to her ear. "I'll make it worth your while."

(She most definitely did not feel a shiver go up her spine. Nope. Not at all).

They made their way towards the kitchen of the house to find something to drink. They picked a couple beers out of the fridge, to avoid whatever the punch was inevitably laced with.  As they headed back out into the living room, the music from the band got louder. Most people were dancing, but some were standing by listening to the music, too.

"They're not bad," Killian spoke into her ear again.

Emma nodded in agreement. She scanned the room, feeling the eyes of people around her watching them. Some of these people were in classes with her, and some lived on her hall at the dorms.

She had that feeling again that they probably thought she and Killian were together. And she was starting to wish that they actually were.

The band finished another song, and she saw a familiar face-Marian, getting one of the band members to lean over so she could say something in their ear. The next thing she knew, Marian was pointing straight at her.

_ Shit. _

"Hey, how's everybody doing tonight?" the lead singer said as the crowd cheered. "Listen, it's come to my attention that today is somebody's birthday…Emma Nolan? Where are you?"

She covered her face with her hands in embarrassment. Killian looked at her and laughed.

Marian pointed her out again, and the singer continued. "Ahh, there she is. Everybody, please join me in singing happy birthday to the beautiful Emma Nolan!"

She had no idea when she woke up that morning that she was going to be serenaded by about 40 drunk college students, but yet here she was.

The song finally ended (thank god), and everyone turned back to the band. She looked at Killian, who couldn't help but laugh.

"Wanna find somewhere a little quieter?" he asked.

She nodded, and they stopped at the kitchen to grab a couple more beers before venturing through the rest of the house. They decided against going upstairs to avoid the awkward stares of people who might have thought they went up there for more… _ scandalous  _ activities.

They ended up in the back yard of the house, which had been decorated as well (it was pretty small-this was still in the city, after all). There were some people out in the yard playing games, and others were sitting on blankets underneath the twinkling white lights strung through the trees.

"Now  _ this _ is more like it," Emma said happily. She grabbed a blanket from a nearby basket and together, they walked down into the little yard to look for a spot.

They set down the blanket and laid down on top of it, staring up into the night sky. It was an absolutely gorgeous night out. The air was cool, and the sky was clear of any clouds.

"Thanks for giving me a great birthday," she said, happy that she didn't have to yell over a crowd anymore.

"Thanks for being born, or whatever," he laughed.

She playfully hit him in the arm. "I'm being serious you idiot."

"I am too!" he laughed again. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Swan."

She sighed contentedly and smiled at him. "Same here."

And for awhile, they stayed like that, just enjoying the cool night air and sound of the music coming from inside.

"How's the radio station gig going?" Emma asked.

"Oh, uh. It's good."

"Just good? I thought you would have loved it."

He scratched behind his ear, that nervous little tick that had only become more endearing to her over the years. "I don't know, I just wish I could play more of the music I wanted to. And I feel like they could give me a little more responsibility. I could be a really good station manager but I don't think they trust me enough yet."

"I don't see why they wouldn't," Emma said. "You're really good at what you do. And you work really hard. Maybe it's just because you haven't been there very long. Not because you're incapable."

"True," he said. "I hadn't really considered that. Plus there's Rose to think of."

"What's she like? I've never met her."

It felt weird to say that, because her and Killian had grown up together. They always had all the same friends.

"She's nice. A little bossy at times, but yeah she's fine. Pretty funny too."

An unknown feeling swept over Emma then, and she had no idea what it was. But whatever it was, however foreign to her, it was causing complete and utter word vomit only moments later.

"Has anything ever happened between you guys?"

She regretted it the instant it came out of her mouth, but the deed was done.

"What?" he asked, sitting up on his elbow to look at her.

"You know," Emma said, attempting to be nonchalant. "You and Rose. You work together, you have classes together. There's nothing there?"

He took a moment, and answered. "No. We're just friends. Sometimes I think she may like me but she's never said so if that's the case. But I'm not interested in her like that."

"Oh," Emma replied, trying to hide her inner happiness. "Okay."

He layed back down on the blanket next to her, and Emma felt completely elated at the thought that even though there were other girls out there for him, it was likely that he hadn't stopped feeling things for her.

And if that was the case, then maybe it could work. She just had to muster up the courage, and figure out a way to tell him.

Her eyes drifted upward then, and she couldn't believe what she saw.

"Oh my god, look!" she squealed.

He looked up then, too (he had been looking at her, damn if she wasn't the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen).

"What, Swan? I don't see anything."

"The stars, Killian!"

Above them, thousands of stars were twinkling and shining, brighter than she'd ever seen them before in the city.

"Ohhh, right. You don't really get those here, do you?"

"It's very rare. It makes me miss home."

"Well," he said, "consider this your final birthday gift."

"What, did you move heaven and earth for me just to see the stars? That's pretty impressive."

"I would if I could, Swan."

She smiled, because she knew he meant it.

* * *

Her feet were killing her when they finally made it back to the apartment, and she immediately kicked off her heels when they came inside. She absentmindedly rubbed the back of her neck, twisting it around and loosening her tight muscles. Killian went into the bathroom to change, and Emma went into her room to do the same.

She could definitely feel the effects of the alcohol they had consumed at the party. She was having trouble holding herself steady. She clumsily threw on a pair of comfy sweatpants and a t-shirt, letting her hair out of its braid to reveal soft, flowing waves of blonde hair. As she did, there was a gentle knock on her door, and she walked over to open it.

She was faced with her heels, hung up on one of Killian's fingers. "You left these out here."

She smiled and took them from him as he leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms.

"Thanks."

"Of course," he said. And then his eyes were scanning her. He always knows when something is up. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah…I'm fine…" she said. She tried to lean against the door too but lost her balance, and his hands reached out to catch her.

"Alright, Swan. I think you've had quite enough for today. Let's get you to bed."

She couldn't help the slight giggle that left her mouth as he helped guide her back over to her bed. She had always been such a lightweight.

He pulled back her covers as she haphazardly crawled underneath them, snuggling in and smiling back up at him.

He leaned over and planted a kiss on her forehead.  "Goodnight, Swan. And happy birthday."

She smiled, getting closer and closer to sleep with every breath. "Goodnight."

He turned and walked back out into the living room, but when he reached her doorway, he could hear faint words drifting over to him.

"Killian?"

"Hmm?"

"Stay with me?"

He was a bit taken back by that, and wasn't sure whether or not to attribute this invitation to the alcohol or to Emma's feelings. Maybe it was both.

"Emma, I don't know if that's such a good idea-"

"Please?"

He sighed, and sauntered back over to the bed. She scooted over and made room for him on her double bed, and he reluctantly climbed in next to her. She turned on her side to face him, still drifting closer and closer to sleep every second.

"Thank you for today," she said quietly.

"Of course, Swan."

"And thank…thank you for coming here in the first place."

He smiled, knowing that she just needed him here because it hurts when you're far away from the people you care most about.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead again. "Shh, go to sleep, love. I'm right here."

He allowed himself this, because she'd never allowed him to be this close before, and he wasn't about to waste a second of it. He pulled the covers up further over himself, and waited to fall asleep.


	13. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma decides to take a leap of faith, but will Killian catch her? 
> 
> (Yes, obviously).

_ The waves are lapping against the shore as the moon drifts higher into the sky. She's running, running as fast as she can, salt air filling up her lungs, tripping through the sand in her bare feet and her heart is hammering within her chest. In the distance, she can see a seated figure on the beach, waiting. _

_ She ran and ran as fast as she could, but she never reached him. _

Her eyes jolted open and she had to take a moment to get a grip on her surroundings. Her eyes came into focus as she scanned her room. She's alone, though her bed looked as though there had been someone next to her.

She sat up, sighing into her hands. She rubbed her forehead with her palm, willing her little hangover to magically disappear.  _ Had she really asked him to stay last night? _ She vaguely remembered doing it, but it felt more like she had imagined the whole thing: how he had lazily kissed her forehead and how she felt the mattress dip as he slid in next to her, barely getting a glance at him before sleep dragged her under.

_ Jesus. _

She suddenly wondered where he was. She reached over to her night stand with a grunt, pressing the little round button on her phone to check the time.

10:20 AM.

He'd let her sleep in, obviously. She slowly brought her legs round to the side of the bed and stepped off of it, stretching her arms high into the air to wake up her still sleepy limbs.

She noticed it was particularly quiet in the apartment, but it was raining out (the raindrops on her window were so damn loud…at least that's what her hangover was telling her), and it was likely that he was still there.

She wasn't sure what to do. She could either acknowledge the fact that she asked him to stay last night, and deal with the ramifications of that (she didn't want to lead him on, but, she had been doing some thinking lately regardless), or she could pretend like it never happened until he brought it up. And if he did, she could pretend like she had no idea what he was talking about.

She thought about it a moment, but realized that he deserved better than that.

And she did, too.

She brought her palms up to her temples and pressed them in as her head throbbed more.

_ It's too early for this. I need…something. I need… _

And just then she caught the scent of it, sighing with relief.

_ Coffee. _

She checked herself in the mirror, straightening out loose strands of hair and attempting to wipe the bags out from under her eyes.

"Looks like this is as good as it's gonna get," she mumbled to herself. She took a deep breath, and walked out into the living area.

Sure enough, he was there, with his back turned to her as he cooked something over the stove.

He must have heard her walk in, because a moment later, he turned to look at her.

"Morning," he said with a small smile.

She could tell he was a little nervous and unsure if she remembered the night before.

"You must have gotten up early," she said nonchalantly. "I didn't even hear you leave."

She saw the light of understanding flicker across his eyes, and she watched as he scratched behind his ear.

"Yeah, uhh…I just, figured you'd want to sleep a bit longer."

He turned back to the stove, trying to hide the blush in his cheeks. She walked over then, touching a hand to his arm lightly.

"Thanks for staying with me."

He looked over with shock on his face, and seemed as though he was about to say something, when Belle walked into the room.

Her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them as she made her way to the coffee pot.

"Morning, you two."

Emma shot her a death stare, and Belle just smiled.

"Have a fun time last night?"

She knew what Belle was getting at, but she was not in the mood to play games. Not when she hadn't even had a chance to really talk to Killian about what had happened.

"Yes," Emma said, keeping her voice calm but stern at the same time, "the party was great. Thanks for the invite."

Killian had already turned back to the grilled cheese he was cooking, when Emma sauntered over to where Belle was standing.

"Don't say anything, please," Emma whispered.

Belle smiled and looked up at Killian and then back to her.

"Had a change of heart, huh?"

"I'm not sure, but I think so. I just need a little more time."

"It seems to me," Belle answered, "that you're already in the middle of it, dearie. Did something happen last night?"

Emma shook her head. "No, nothing like that. But I was thinking a lot about what you said."

Belle smiled and patted her on the shoulder. "Good luck and godspeed, girlfriend."

Emma huffed out a laugh and rolled her eyes as Belle picked up her cup of coffee and went back into her bedroom.

She turned to face Killian again, who had sat down at the kitchen table to eat.

"I made you one, too." He said as he took the first, gooey bite.

"Thanks," she said, tucking some hair behind her ear. "I'm gonna have some coffee first. My head is killing me."

"Hmm," he hummed. "Right."

She poured her cup and made her way over to the table, sitting across from him.

They sat in comfortable silence as she sipped her coffee, watching the rain fall outside her windows.

"Crappy day," she mumbled.

"Never judge a day by its weather, Swan."

"Wasn't I the one who told you that?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Well I guess I better start taking my own advice then, huh?" she laughed.

He smiled, clearing his throat.

"Emma, can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"Why did…" His voice trailed off, like he was nervous, but then he started again. "Why did you…ask me to stay last night?"

The question hit her like a brick wall, and she set her coffee down to think about a sensible answer. She couldn't tell him that she was drunk, because she wasn't really. Only a little…and she couldn't lie and tell him she didn't remember doing it. Not when she'd just mentioned it a minute ago. None of those options were going to work, so she does the best thing she can think to do.

She told him the truth.

She traced the rim of her empty coffee cup with her forefinger and sighed. "Because I wanted you to."

Before he could say anything else, she stood up from the table and walked over to pour another cup.

_ Bloody hell, he thought. What is happening here? She's not even denying it. _

She wouldn't turn back to look at him, and he could tell that the weight of her words had shaken her a little bit. The tenseness seemed to fester in the air between them, and he didn't want to worry her any further.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" he asked, trying to make his voice sound lighter than he really felt.

"Yeah," she says spinning around. "Let me just go get ready first."

Seconds later, her blonde hair is disappearing behind the door of her bedroom.

* * *

He leaned his elbows on the table, stroking his face and letting his palms rest over his mouth in disbelief. When he had decided to visit Emma for her birthday, he was not expecting this. Whatever  _ this  _ was. He was expecting an easy, fun weekend with his best friend. She had made it very clear to him how she'd felt before leaving for college, but now it seemed as though she was starting to come around. She was...different. She had stuck close to him, she'd asked him about Rose, and she'd asked him to stay with her last night. That little flicker of hope that he'd dimmed over the last couple months was starting to reignite again.

She emerged from her bedroom a few minutes later, donning her yellow rain boots, jeans, a Granny's diner t-shirt, and blue raincoat. She'd woven her hair back into a side braid, and to him, she looked positively radiant.

"Ready?" she asked.

He nodded and went to grab his coat.

She only had the one umbrella, so they had to huddle close to share it. She felt his arm around her shoulder, bringing her close to his side as they began to walk, the rain falling steadily around them like a curtain.

"Where are we going?" he asked as they round the corner.

"Nowhere, really. Unless you can think of somewhere you'd like to go."

They walked for a little while, until they found a small, quiet park nearby (a rarity in this city). She noticed a wooden gazebo further up the trail, and motioned toward it.

They ran inside to escape the rain, laughing as they quickly wiped off the droplets from their pants and arms. But moments later the laughter died out, and they were alone, nothing but the sound of the rain falling all around them.

The air between them was tense again, as if they had carried it from her apartment down to the little gazebo. There were things she needed to say, and she couldn't tell if now was the right time or not to say them, but it felt like she had no choice.

He was sitting opposite her on one of the wooden benches surrounding the edge of the small fortress. She wanted to say something, but couldn't physically bring herself to do so.

They would smile at each other, and then look away again every few minutes, each waiting for the other to speak first.

When it became obvious that Emma was not going to initiate the conversation, he spoke up.

"Emma?"

(She felt like she couldn't breathe already).

"Yeah?" her voice barely squeaked out.

"Is everything alright?"

She smiled with a little bit of relief then, because damn if he wasn't always thinking about her first and if she was okay. He didn't always need answers, but he did always need to be sure that she was alright. And she was grateful for that.

But now was her chance to return the favor.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just been doing a lot of thinking."

_ Jesus, here it comes. Here goes nothing. _

"About what?"

"Us."

He felt his stomach drop, and whatever he was going to say became lodged in his throat.

She saw how this surprised him, and mustering up every bit of courage she could, she spoke again.

"I um, I've been thinking about us a lot lately, actually. Even before you showed up this weekend."

Killian didn't know what to say, but he was afraid that if he said anything, her moment might be gone, and she wouldn't say what she needed to. So he waited.

She took a deep breath, and with shaky nerves, continued.

"I was talking to Belle yesterday, before we went out to dinner."

His eyes met hers with concern. "What did she say?"

"She told me about what it was like to be in love with someone, and what it was like when she lost that person."

"Swan, you don't have to-"

"No, please, just let me finish," she said, cutting him off to stand up. She paced back and forth before continuing.

"She told me that being in love was like the feeling of being on a swing. But not just the swinging part. That's great and all, but you don't really go anywhere that way. She told me that being in love was like the feeling of letting go-of  _ flying _ ."

"Emma, what are you saying?"

(He definitely couldn't breathe anymore. He couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth).

She brought her hand up to her forehead in frustration (not with him, but herself). "I don't know, Killian. I don't know."

"It's okay, love. What else did Belle say?"

(He felt like he could throw up that damned grilled cheese he just ate). Was this really happening?

Emma took another deep breath. "I asked her if it was worth it- if the happiness she got from loving him was worth all the pain she experienced after losing him, and-"

He stood up, and was slowly walking towards her. "And?"

(It was really rude of him to look like that right now, with his hair a little wet from the rain and his bright blue eyes hanging onto every word she said).

"And," she whispered as he got closer, close enough for her see the little flecks of green in his eyes, and she felt like every nerve in her body was on fire.

"She said that it was. That she didn't regret it for a second."

His lips pursed together, like he was trying to stop himself from tearing up, and after a moment he spoke up.

"Emma, I don't understand. When you kissed me months ago and then denied me, I didn't think that you would ever change your mind-"

"WELL I DID, OKAY!?" she shouted, catching him off guard.

Her statement hung in the air between them, and when she caught her breath she said it again.

"I did, Killian," she said softer this time. "I've changed my mind."

He took a step back from her and mumbled to himself. "Bloody hell."

Emma suddenly felt extremely insecure, and had no idea what to do with herself. Her first instinct was to run, run as fast as she could, but her feet wouldn't move.

Her chest was practically heaving with the weight of her exclamation, but he wouldn't say anything.

Her eyes bore into him, waiting for an answer. "Well? Killian, please say something."

He sat down on the bench again and was staring at his feet, until his blue eyes met hers once again.

"I don't know what to say," he said, barely a whisper.

She felt sick, or like her legs were going to give way beneath her any moment.

"Talk to me," she pleaded. All she could think was  _ this was a mistake.  _ She didn't know what she had been expecting when she finally told him, but it wasn't this.

"I…I need to think. Please, forgive me, Swan. I just need some time."

She nodded in understanding, but felt like her world was crumbling right in front of her.

"If you're okay, I think I might just go for a walk by myself for a bit. I'll meet you back at the apartment in a little while."

"Um, okay," she said, her voice shaking. "Are you okay? Are we okay? You're worrying me."

He walked over to her again, taking hold of her wrist as it hung at her side, to reassure her. "I'm fine, Swan. I just…need some time. Don't worry. I'll see you in a little while."

"Okay."

And just like that, he was swinging the gazebo door open and walking out into the rain, and away from her.

She let the tears come then, the ones she'd been forcing down during their conversation. She was so angry with herself. It wasn't the right time and she'd fucked everything up, just like she knew she would.

This is  _ exactly  _ what she'd been afraid of.

She cursed at herself for being such an idiot, and ruining what was probably the most important relationship of her life, and stormed out of the gazebo to go home.

(She left the umbrella).

* * *

She came home to an empty apartment. She had a feeling he wouldn't be there already. He could be anywhere at this point.

She decided to take a shower, hoping the steam would clear out the mess in her head.

Her body reacted harshly to the piping hot water, but she forced herself to get used to it, letting it burn her until she couldn't feel it anymore. It was a long shower, mostly taken up by her crying to herself and cursing her own stupidity.

She emerged almost an hour later to a still empty apartment. She retreated back into her room to change, throwing on a pair of clean jeans and a new t-shirt, and out of habit, the sailboat necklace. She checked her phone with a defeated sigh-still no messages from Killian.

The rain had stopped, but the sky was still cloudy, enveloping the city in a dark haze. She stepped out onto her fire escape, leaning against the rails, inhaling the fresh air like her life depended on it.

She had no idea what to do, except to wait for him to come home so they could talk. She had been so sure of herself, and of his feelings, but now she was second guessing herself. Her lids felt so heavy, from crying, from the restless night of sleep, from the stress of the situation. She felt like a sitting duck, but didn't want to leave the apartment in case he came back. So she did the only thing she could think to do, and crawled into her bed, forcing herself to go to sleep and put it all out of her mind for a little while.

* * *

His heartbeat was ringing in his ears as he walked down the sidewalk, and away from her. He had no idea where he was going as he trudged through the rainy streets of New York, but he knew that he needed some time to think about what had just happened.

He wanted to slap himself, because all he had  _ really  _ wanted to do was grab Emma right then and there in that little gazebo and just kiss her,  _ love her,  _ like he'd always wanted to, but he knew that he needed to be rational about it. He was just afraid. Afraid that if he took another leap of faith with her, he would fall. Afraid that she would break his heart again. Even when she'd done it before, he'd chosen to stay by her side, because he knew that she was worth the wait, worth the pain...but could he really put himself through all of that again?

And just then, Emma's voice floated into his mind.

_ She said that it was worth it. _

If Emma, who was probably the most stubborn person he knew, was starting to believe it, then what was stopping him from believing it again? This might be his last chance to be with her in the way he'd always wanted to...if he let it slip through his fingers now, he might regret it for the rest of his life.

_ Being in love is like that feeling of flying. _

If there was anyone on this earth who made him feel like he could fly, it was Emma.

* * *

It was dark out by the time he made it back to the apartment. He was greeted by Belle, who was on her way out the door.

"There you are, Killian. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Is Emma home?"

"She's in her room."

He nodded and brushed past her. "Thanks, Belle."

She smiled, shutting the door behind her on the way out.

He quickly took off his coat and shoes, laying them near the radiator to dry. Taking a deep breath, he walked over towards Emma's room, and knocked gently on the door.

"Go away, Belle! I seriously don't want to talk about it."

"Emma, it's me."

He didn't hear anything for a moment, but then a slight shuffling noise and the click of her lock.

"Swan."

She didn't say anything. (She didn't know what to say).

"May I come in?"

She nodded, moving over to let him through.

"Emma, I'm sorry about-"

"No," she said, cutting him off. "Please, before you speak, I just need to say something."

"Okay."

She seems surprised at his response (once again, his reaction is not what she expected), but goes ahead.

"All afternoon I've been thinking about us, and how much your friendship means to me. And I thought about that first time I kissed you, and how I ran away and then rejected you that night by the swings."

"Emma, really you don't have to-"

"-And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." She was fighting back tears which were prickling at the corners of her eyes.

"Sorry for what, love? You have nothing to apologize for."

"No, I do. I had no idea how you must have been feeling that night until this morning, when you left me in that gazebo."

He closed his eyes, sighing as he let his head dip down in understanding.

"I understand now the pain you must have felt, and I'm really sorry, Killian. Because this absolutely sucks."

He looked up at her then, the tear tracks on her face, and the pleading look in her eyes. She looked like she'd already been defeated, like he'd already given her his answer. He took a step closer to her, lifting his hand up to cup her cheek.

"You were worth it to me, Emma."

She smiled at him as though she was embarrassed, and he used his thumb to wipe a stray tear off of her cheek.

"I don't ever want to do anything that would hurt our friendship," she muttered, "because you mean more to me than anyone in the world."

"Emma, let me talk-"

"And I need you to know," she said, cutting him off again as though her voice couldn't stop, "that I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me, and that I really do love-"

Before she could finish, he had pulled her to him, pressing his lips against hers. A moment of shock passed over her, but it went away as she slowly melted into his kiss...into  _ him. _

His hand was woven into her hair now, pulling her closer and tilting her head to deepen the kiss. It was like their first kiss, only needier...hungrier. As her lips bit and pulled at his own, he thought his heart might burst out of his chest with the joy and the pure electricity of it. He snaked his other arm around her waist, lifting her up onto her toes to bring her closer.

She moved her hands up his chest and into his hair. A breathy moan escaped his mouth, and she pulled away at the sound of it, having thrown her back into reality.

"Killian," she said through uneven breaths, "what was that?"

"My answer, Swan," he laughed. "You wouldn't shut up long enough for me to say it, so I thought I'd show you instead."

She smiled, twisting a lock of his hair between shaking fingers, looking down to admire his kiss - swollen lips. (Jesus).

"Is this really happening?" She asked in barely a whisper.

"You tell me."

Her eyes dart between his, trying to read his expression. He looked completely and utterly  _ wrecked  _ for her, which he made even more clear as he surged forward again, crashing his lips into hers. She could feel herself growing hotter, needier- needing to feel more of him against her skin, like she was afraid that he would drift away if she let go.

He was backing her up towards the door when he finally pulled back to look at her. His hand cupped her cheek again.

"Bloody hell, Swan. You have no idea how long I've wanted this...how long I've wanted you."

She laughed and pulled him closer by his shirt collar. "Well what are you waiting for? You have me now."

His eyes found hers, and a sly but joyous smile crept onto his face. He growled low and deep (driving her absolutely crazy, as if she wasn't wrecked enough already), and reaching around her back, he hoisted her up to straddle his waist, kissing her as her back rested against the bedroom door, closing it shut behind her.


	14. Hand in Hand

His hot breath trailed down her neck, marking her as his own with every kiss. Her legs tightened around his waist to bring him closer, and her fingers ran deeper through his thick hair. She needed  _ more _ , to feel more of him.

She had barely moaned out his name as he found the sensitive flesh underneath her ear, when elsewhere in the apartment she heard a door open and shut, with footsteps coming nearer.

Her head snapped up and his eyes met hers.

"Emma," he breathed out into the darkness, "are you okay?"

She smiled and unraveled her legs from around him.

"Someone's here. Hold on."

He nodded and they leaned towards the door, hoping to hear the footsteps retreat so that they could continue their… _ activities _ .

But instead, all she heard was the sound of sniffling, almost like crying.

They gave each other puzzled looks, unsure of what to do.

"I think I better go check this out," Emma whispered. He nodded, clearly saddened by her change of mood, until she leaned forward to plant a small kiss on his lips.

"We'll continue this later," she said mischievously. "Wait five minutes, and then you can come out after me."

"As you wish," he said as she straightened her hair before heading out the door.

He emerged from her bedroom a few minutes later, only to lock eyes with Emma, who was sitting next to a devastated looking Marian on the couch.

He knew that she was by no means close with Marian, but he also knew that Emma had more empathy and compassion in one of her fingernails than he had in his entire body.

He sauntered over towards the kitchen and pretended to look for something to eat in the fridge as Emma soothed her roommate.

"Everything's going to be okay, Marian, you'll see-"

Marian spoke back through choking sobs. "I just can't-believe-that he did this-"

"I know, I know. He's a jerk, Marian, and you deserve better."

"But I-I loved him. And he ch-cheated on me. With the R.A!"

A look of shock washed over Emma's face. "Regina?! Oh my god…"

"Yeah," Marian answered. "I found them together after the party-and they were- all over each other."

"Marian, I am so sorry."

Marian continued to cry as Emma soothed her, and didn't speak again until the tears had subsided.

"I'm so angry with him."

"And you should be!"

"I just can't believe that he betrayed me like that. I thought he was the one, you know?"

And in an instant, every bit of elation she'd been feeling before Marian got home vanished. She thought of Killian, and how there was that deep, ingrained feeling inside of her that thought he was the one, too. What if something happened?

She thought of a quote she'd heard one day. "To love is to be vulnerable…"

She never felt more vulnerable, and safer, than when she was with Killian.

Marian eventually retreated into her bedroom to be alone, and Killian sat next to Emma on the couch.

"That was rough," he said.

"Yeah."

He looked at her then, and knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Emma, look at me."

Slowly, she lifted her worried eyes to his and waited.

"I will never do something like that to you."

She sighed and looked down at their hands, now intertwined. (When that happened, she had no idea).

"I know. I trust you."

He touched his forehead to hers and smiled.

"And I, you, Swan. You're so much more to me than some fling. You are…everything."

"You too."

He smiled sweetly at her then, and her heart squeezed in her chest. She shuffled closer to him, laying her head on his chest as he put his arm around her shoulders.

* * *

The next morning, she awoke to her alarm blaring around 9 am. She turned over in the bed to turn it off, but instead came face to face with Killian.

_ Right _ .

Somehow sleep had made her momentarily forget that they got together last night. But as the memories slowly flooded back into her mind, she couldn't help but smile.

" _ I'm giving you my answer, Swan." _

_ "You are…everything." _

She remembered hazily waking from the couch at around 3 or 4 am, only to find him beneath her, asleep. She tried to gently wake him up (but it didn't matter, he always woke up with a shocked look on his face as if he had slept through something important-it was one of his more adorable quirks).

She grabbed his hand and led him to her bedroom, snuggling beneath the covers once more, only this time fully aware that he was there, and that he was hers.

At her movement in the bed, his eyes began to slowly open.

And seconds later, he was sitting up and running his fingers through his hair. She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her mouth.

"Killian, it's okay. You didn't oversleep."

He turned to look at her, and then it dawned on him where he was, and more importantly, who he'd been sleeping next to.

A sweet smile crept across his features as he leaned over her, planting a soft kiss to her lips.

"Gmmorning," he mumbled, with a rather sultry look in his eyes.

"Mmmorning," she mumbled back, smiling as he continued to leave kisses across her cheek, her ear, her neck, and down towards her chest. Her arms traveled up and in between the pillow beneath her head and the cool sheets, giving him easy access.

Her breathing became heavier with every kiss, and she began to feel that thing again, that insatiable need to  _ feel  _ him.

He spoke through the kisses as though it was nothing. "Tell me- _ kiss- _ love, what- _ kiss- _ day is it?"

"S..Sunday," she said through shuttering breaths.

And all of the sudden, she could no longer feel the kisses, and instead got goosebumps from the lack of heat.

Her eyes opened up and she saw him sitting up next to her. She sat up on her elbows, hair falling behind her on to the pillow.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's Sunday, Emma. I have to go home today."

"Oh," she said, allowing her disappointment to seep into the word. She'd known this was coming, but did he have to go so soon? So soon after they just confessed their feelings?

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wish I didn't have to go."

"Me too."

"Would you like to get breakfast together, at least?"

"I'd love that," she said, forcing a smile.

They went for one last walk together, hand in hand, towards the coffee shop. The silence settled between them, but it was sort of nice. New York had brought them a bright, beautiful crisp morning, and they were going to make the best of it.

Walking around with him like that, hand in hand, felt  _ so  _ right. Every time she felt his hand tighten in hers, she felt like she could throw up an entire swarm of butterflies.

He bought their coffees, much to the chagrin of an obviously disappointed Graham, and walked hand in hand towards the Brooklyn Bridge once more.

They sipped their coffees in happy silence, never once letting go of the other's hand. Eventually they found the same bench they'd perched on all those months ago.

The water below was shimmering bright, as walkers and runners slowly started to pass by them on the walkway.

She leaned her head onto his shoulder. "I wish you could stay."

"Yeah," he said. "You have no idea."

She laughed a little then.

"What's so funny about that?"

"No, nothing," she said. "I was just thinking about the last time you and I were here, that's all."

"Ah," he laughed, and then the air between them settled into something much more serious.

"Emma," he said, "I love you. I loved you then, and I don't think I'll ever stop."

She sat up to face him then, searching his eyes for the lie. But there wasn't one.

She leaned forward to kiss him, her hand settling on his cheek.

"I love you, too."

They sat there like that for what seemed like hours, allowing their love to settle, to become part of them, to seal the moment into eternity like a vow.


	15. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma comes home for the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter before an epilogue with a time jump. Enjoy!

The sun had begun to set, painting a light pink stripe across the sky and around the frosty landscape. Emma twisted a lock of hair around her finger anxiously as her father rounded the corner and passed the Storybrooke sign.

She was  _ home. _

Earlier that morning, she'd said goodbye to Belle and Marian for holiday break, and practically bolted into her father's arms when she saw him waiting outside with his pickup truck to take her home.

The drive was nice-talking and catching up with her father, stopping at the little diner she liked and eating the largest stack of pancakes she'd ever seen.

"Dad, slow down. You're gonna choke."

David looked up from his maple infused frenzy with a smile. "Sorry. Been driving all night to get you and I was starving."

"Thank you, by the way. For doing that," she said, taking a sip of coffee.

"Well, I had a feeling that you'd want to come home as soon as possible. Also, your mother is dying to see you. And Killian, too."

She slid her fingers through the handle of her coffee mug, laying her palms against it to soak up the warmth. She looked down at it as she moved her thumb across the hot ceramic.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, he was going to come with me to pick you up, but he couldn't get out of work."

She smiled to herself, because she already knew that (any time she wasn't in class, she was texting or talking to Killian on the phone). And even while she was in class, she found herself thinking about him, smiling to herself like an idiot.

Much like she was right now.

"What is it, Emma?"

She snapped out of it and looked up again. "Huh? What?"

"What are you so happy about?"

(She and Killian hadn't told anyone about their blossoming romance yet- well, other than her roommates- so far it had been their little secret. They wanted to wait until Emma came home to make it official).

Emma smiled back at him. "Oh, nothing. I'm just excited to get home. That's all."

As they pulled into town, she couldn't hide her excited smile anymore. David drove through the town square, past Granny's and the pawn shop, The Magic Bean coffee shop, and out the other side towards her neighborhood. Finally he pulled into the drive, and sure enough, her mother was out on the porch waiting-a huge smile plastered on her face.

Her mother's arms were warm and welcoming.  "Oh, Emma!" she said, squeezing tighter. "I'm so happy to see you, honey!"

She laughed. "You too, Mom."

Her mother pulled back and smiled at her with such love and pride. David walked over, planting a kiss to Mary Margaret's cheek before walking up the porch steps. He leaned towards the screen door and yelled,

"Killian! Can you give me a hand with these bags?"

Emma felt her stomach drop. She had no idea he was going to be here…then again, she probably should have expected that. He loved surprising her.

(And god did she love him for it).

Moments later, the screen door was swinging open-and there he was.

Almost immediately, his eyes locked with hers, and it stopped him in his tracks. Her name rolled off his lips into the cool winter air, and the next thing she knew he was running down the steps, and scooping her into his arms.

She couldn't help but laugh as he spun her around – they had to be careful so as not to completely freak her parents out – but she couldn't hide how happy she was.

As he held her, he took the chance to whisper in her ear –  _ I love you – I love you. _

Setting her back down, he laughed and scratched behind his ear, trying to divert her parent's attention. "I uh, I missed you."

Adorable moron.

"I missed you, too."

They stood there like that, staring at each other, smiling like idiots.

"Emma?" her mother called out from inside. "Can you come help me set the table for dinner?"

"Be right there!"

She pulled him into a hug again, her arms circling his waist. She took a moment to breathe him in, feel his heart beating against her cheek.

(Quick as ever).

It felt good to be home.

They spent the rest of the evening tip toeing around each other- getting as close as they possibly could without getting  _ too  _ close (to keep suspicion at bay).

But  _ god,  _ he was making it bloody difficult…winking at her from across the room, touching the small of her back as she sat down at the table, holding her hand from underneath said table, rolling his flannel sleeves up to help her mother wash dishes…generally just doing every possible thing he could to drive her insane.

Afterwards, they decided to go for a walk, if not but to have just a few minutes of alone time.

The air was brisk, but the night was clear, and the stars spotted the sky above them. He looked so handsome in his scarf and coat, his ears turning red from the cold. She had no words to describe how incandescently  _ happy  _ she felt to be home, to be away from the constant noise of the city and to be back there in the quiet streets of Storybrooke, the place where it all began.

They walked down the street in comfortable silence for a few minutes, until her hand seamlessly slipped into his.

He looked down between them at their intertwined fingers.

"You're not worried that someone could see, love? We haven't told anyone yet."

"Right now? No. I don't care at all. They'll find out sooner or later."

He smiled sweetly at her then, and she thought her heart might burst out of her chest.

And then a mischievous look spread over his face.

"Well, if you r _ eally  _ don't care, then-"

And he pulled her sideways into the nearest alley-pressing her back up against the brick wall, pressing his body to hers. His lips crashed into hers in a fury, tongue against them, asking for entrance.

Her lips broke apart as her hands drifted up into his hair (god it felt so good, softer than she remembered), and she arched into his touch.

Moments later he pulled away, touching his forehead to hers.

Through heavy breaths, he uttered the usual "bloody hell, Emma."

"You don't wait around, do you?"

"I've been waiting for weeks, love. God, I missed you so much."

* * *

They barely made it into his room before they were at each other again-kissing, pushing off jackets and peeling off each layer of clothing, until they were both left in nothing but their underwear.

Suddenly the heat of the previous moment faded out, and the stark realization of what was about to happen finally hit her.

He must have noticed the scared look on her face, so he took a step towards her, placing his left hand cautiously on her hip and the other cradling her face, his thumb rubbing against her jaw.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded.

"Emma, look at me."

He waited until she did to continue.

"I am so in love with you, Emma Swan. But I've waited a long time-so if you're not ready, it's okay. I can wait as long as you need."

He shuddered as she touched his stomach, drifting up onto his chest.

"I'm in love with you too, Killian."

She stood on her toes and kissed him then, pushing him backwards towards the bed.

Her face was burning up as he sat on the edge of the bed, eyeing her. Slowly, she stepped towards him as she reached behind her back, unclasping her bra and letting it fall to her feet.

His eyes were so full of awe-of love-and she had no idea how to compete with it.

"Emma, you are so beautiful-"

Her hands were in his hair then, pulling his head back so her lips could kiss his. He was breathy and hot, his hands on her back pulling her closer.

If she was being honest with herself, she would have said that she had no idea what she was doing. They were still so new- and even if this wasn't her first time, with him it was…and it was  _ easy _ . She knew that he loved her-fully  _ loved  _ her. He was the only one she felt comfortable being this vulnerable with. It just made sense.

He was careful with her, taking his time as he kissed her stomach, up towards her breasts-taking each in his mouth. Every kiss was like a sparkler against her skin.

"Killian," she breathed out, letting her head fall back. Somewhere below she began to feel that  _ pull _ -the  _ need. _

He must have felt it too, because moments later he was pulling her onto the bed and flipping her beneath him. Her head fell to the pillow and she sighed, as he took her hands and raised them above her head.

They were a mess of tangled limbs, heavy sighs and sweat-the need to feel each other consuming them completely. Occasionally she would laugh at the way he sighed when she kissed that sweet spot on his neck, watching him come completely undone for her.

And sometimes he couldn't help but laugh when he accidentally touched that spot on her side where she was ticklish-and she would writhe beneath him in a fit of smiles and panting-until she was too much, and his lips were on hers again. Eventually they fell into a rhythm together, until she began to feel herself coiling at his touch-the pressure building between them until finally she came, so full of pleasure she thought she might burst. Killian wasn't too far behind her, and collapsed next to her in the sheets.

Emma covered herself with the sheet and turned towards him, leaning in for a kiss.

Or two.

* * *

Later, Emma slipped on his t-shirt and they sat up against the headboard, sipping on hot chocolate and talking.

"Are you ready for this?" He clicked open the page on his laptop and looked at her.

"I mean,  _ we  _ haven't even figured out what this is yet, Killian."

"Well, love, I'm not about to put "It's complicated" on my profile for all the world to discuss. What are we waiting for?"

Emma smiled. "I'm waiting for you to ask me out, you idiot."

He smiled knowingly, and scratched behind his ear. Then he took one of her hands in his.

"I've always known what we are, Emma. Ever since you gave me that blue crayon. What we are is...real. And it is the only thing I have ever been sure of."

(She tried not to tear up. Tried, and failed, miserably).

"Emma Swan?"

"…yes?"

"Would you please do me the honor of being my girlfriend?"

Her smile was the only answer he needed.


	16. Epilogue Part 1: Diamonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma graduates from college, and Killian makes an offer.

**_Four Years Later_ **

"To Emma!"

The crowd around her erupted with cheer and applause, as Killian pulled her closer to his side to place a kiss on her temple. She raised her glass and clinked it with Killian's, smiling before she planted a quick kiss in return.

Storybrooke was a small town, but they knew how to pack a party. Granny's was filled to the brim with all those who'd come to wish her congratulations on her college graduation, and Emma could not have felt more grateful to live there than she did in that moment. New York had nothing on this.

She scanned the room, feeling happy and content, when she spied her mother bouncing her baby brother on her hip as she tried to pour herself a drink. A lot had changed in four years, but they had all been good changes. Killian had graduated early and had saved up enough from the Magic Bean to finally buy his dream boat. (She wasn't allowed to see it yet. "Can't rush perfection, Swan…"). Her mother had given birth to her little brother Charles (they all called him Charlie), and she'd done the hard job of staying in New York to finish out her degree in criminal justice. There'd been countless times that she'd wanted to just pick up and leave and c _ ome home.  _ But Killian had always reassured her, "You may never get this chance again, Swan. You know I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you're done."

Some things never change.

They did the best they could with long distance-skyping, phone calls every night, and the occasional visit when money and time permitted it. In the end, though, she'd always known that her true home was not in New York, but by Killian's side in Storybrooke.

She was about to help her mother when her father cleared his throat. "Can I just get everybody's attention again, just for a moment?"

The crowd gathered around them and David stood next to her.

"As you all know, I'm not one for speeches…" The crowd laughed, knowing full well that this was a lie-Sheriff Nolan loved his heroic town speeches. But he continued, "But I needed to take a moment to congratulate my beautiful daughter, Emma, who is the apple of my eye."

(She could feel the tears coming, damn them all.)

"And what I-well, your mother and I-want to say to you, is this: we are so incredibly proud of you, and honored to be your parents."

She mouthed a thank you as quiet tears fell, taking into account the many trips her father had driven his truck to New York to take her back and forth, to help her move, and to be her rock and support all those years.

"I know that life after graduation can be difficult," he said, "but we thought that we'd all try to make it as easy on you as possible after all the hard work you've put in. So to start off the gifts, I'd like to give you this."

He reached inside his suit jacket pocket and pulled out a velvet black box, handing it to her.

Eyes wide, Emma took it and opened it slowly, a huge smile spreading on her face. Inside was a golden deputy badge.

"Thank you, Dad," she said, wrapping her arms around her father's neck.

David laughed. "That's boss to you, Deputy Nolan."

The crowd clapped and cheered, raising their glasses again in unison.

Emma turned to Killian, unbelieving. "What's my next gift?" she asked eagerly.

He smirked, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "Be patient, love. All good things come to those who wait."

"You're preaching to the choir on that one, Jones."

* * *

Once it was dark out, the crowd slowly started to trickle out (not long after Granny kicked out Leroy and Marco, drunk off their asses and having the times of their lives).

Her parents said goodbye, and David scooped up little Charlie into his arms, who'd fallen fast asleep.

"We'll see you later then, dear?" her mother asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Killian and I are just gonna go for a walk I think."

"Don't be too late," she answered.

Emma rolled her eyes with a smile, because  _ god she needed to get her own place asap,  _ but also,  _ god it was good to be home. _

"Shall we?" said Killian, stretching out his hand for her to take.

She gladly obliged, and together, they set out down the main street toward the docks, the sweet smells of early summer all around them.

They walked for a few minutes in comfortable silence, before Killian finally spoke up.

"Do you remember our first kiss, love?"

Emma laughed. "Which one?"

"On the beach-fourth of July."

"Of course," she answered. "How could I forget? I was humiliated."

Killian smiled. "Do you remember what you said to me before that?"

"Vaguely…remind me."

He stopped walking and faced her, taking her hands in his.

"You said that you were thinking about time, and how you were sad about it passing."

She nodded, clearly remembering. "Yeah. I have a hard time with change."

"Emma, I want you to know that my love for you will never change. You don't ever have to worry about that."

"Killian-"

"I know we've been together almost four years now, and they've been the best four years of my entire bloody life."

He sounded nervous, and she could feel the blood hot in her ears, because this was starting to sound dangerously like proposal territory.

Killian continued.

"You make me happier than anything or anyone in the world, Swan, and I am irrevocably in love with you."

"Killian, I love you too-"

He was bending down to the ground, stopping on one knee. Her hands flew up to her mouth in surprise, the breath knocked right out of her. This was really happening…

Until Killian reached down and tied his shoelace, and stood back up again.

"Everything alright, love?" he smiled.

She smiled back as she playfully smacked him in the shoulder. "You bastard!"

"What! I was just tying my bloody shoe…"

"I thought you were about to propose!"

He laughed. "Don't be crazy, Swan. Let's go. It's time for your last gift."

He held out his arm and she looped hers through, leaning her head on his shoulder before they set off again to walk down to the beach.

As they crossed the street, Emma had the distinct feeling that they were being watched, but as she couldn't see anyone around, she thought no more of it.

She took off her sandals and sighed as her feet sunk into the cool sand. Killian did the same, taking off his shoes, and they set them together on the sidewalk before walking down towards the water.

About fifty feet up the beach, the small flame of a lighter flashed in front of them.

"There's somebody else out here," Emma said.

"I know, love."

She turned to look at him in confusion. "What?"

And when she looked back, she could see why they'd needed the lighter. Along the edge of the shore, just at the point where the sand gets dry, lanterns had been lit up in a nice, neat row, lighting the way to the docks.

And suddenly the docks were being lit up, too, until she saw it.

Killian's boat.

"Oh my god!" she shouted, excited to finally see it.

His smile mirrored her own, and together, they walked until they reached the dock.

His boat, aptly named "The Swan" sat at the edge of the dock, bobbing up and down in the water. He'd strung white lights all over it, illuminating the deck in a soft glow. It was a nice little schooner yacht, and from the looks of it, Killian had put a lot of work into fixing it up.

"Killian, it's amazing!"

"Would you like to see inside?"

She nodded quickly, eager to get out into the water.

He hopped down into the boat first, holding out a hand to help her step down into it. He took a minute to show her around (taking extra time down below the deck in his "captain's quarters" as he liked to call it, even though it was only a small room just big enough for a bed), before leading her back out onto the deck. He untied the boat from the dock and the two of them set off together.

Emma wrapped herself in one of the blankets from below deck before coming back up to sit near Killian, who was busy steering them out away from the shore.

"I can't take her out very far yet," he said above the wind. "She needs a few little adjustments here and there."

"It's lovely," Emma said. She inhaled the sweet salty breeze of the water and just r _ elaxed.  _ She could get used to this.

After a few minutes, they still weren't far from the shore but had moved down a ways from where the docks were. All was quiet as Killian stopped the boat, letting it slowly coast in the water.

"Come here, love," he said, stretching out a hand to her to help her up.

She stood before him and he wrapped his arms about her waist, laying a kiss to her lips, soft and slow.

She returned the favor, letting her hand drift up into his hair the way he liked, and a light moan escaped his mouth.

She smiled as she pulled back and rested her forehead against his.

"I love you, Killian."

"And I you, Emma."

He pulled back and placed a hand at her cheek, letting his thumb caress it. She leaned into his touch and smiled, heart full and happy and content.

"Emma, I have always loved you."

She smiled. "I know."

"There's nothing that I want more than to make you happy for the rest of our lives."

Her eyes widened at this.

"Killian, what are you saying?"

"Turn around, love."

His eyes fell on the beach behind her and she turned around, an audible gasp escaping her mouth.

At some point while her back was turned, people had lit enough candles to spell out two large words across the beach:

**_Marry me?_ **

She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Okay,  _ now  _ it was really happening.

She turned back around to face Killian, only to realize that he was kneeling down in front of her, holding up a small blue velvet box. He cracked it open to reveal a rose gold ring, with a small sparkling diamond in the center.

The tears were coming freely now, and she didn't care.

"What do you say, love?"

She cried out a "Yes!" and stretched out a shaking hand to him as he gingerly and reverently placed the ring on her finger.

The next thing she knew, he was scooping her up into his arms. Her arms wrapped about his neck and they held on to each other, smiling, laughing, and crying.

_ Happy. _

Killian turned back to the shore and shouted, "She said yes!" and the crowd of people waiting erupted into a roar of applause and cheers.

He turned back to her, looking down at her with the most intense look of love and hope that she'd ever seen from him.

"Do you like your last gift?" he smiled.

Her eyes fell onto the ring.

"You have no idea."


	17. Epilogue Part 2: Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a much deserved happy ending.

"How about this one?"

Ruby pulled out a dress from the rack, showing Emma the details. Emma made a disgusted face and shook her head.

"Too much tulle."

Ruby shrugged and put the dress back, turning to Emma.

"You know, this would be a lot easier if you didn't turn down every single dress we pulled out."

Emma sighed. "I know, I know. It's just…I want it to be perfect. I mean this is my  _ wedding _ , for god's sake. It's the only one I'm gonna have and it has to be right."

" _ Hopefully _ the only one," Marian snarked from another aisle over.

Belle playfully smacked Marian's shoulder. "Oh, shut up! Emma and Killian are solid, trust me. He's been waiting for her since day one. He's not going anywhere."

Emma sighed again and turned back to the rack, seemingly unhappy with the prospects in front of her. Shopping for a wedding dress was turning out to be a lot less fun than she'd imagined it. All of her good friends from college were there, along with her mother, trying to help her, and nothing was turning up. Her mother had suggested a few, but none of them were to her liking ( _ No, mom. I refuse to wear a ball gown like some ridiculous Disney princess…okay, fine. I'll try it on. But I promise you I won't like it… _ ). She'd dreamt of this day for so long, imagining that magical moment when she'd find  _ the  _ dress and see all the happy tears her friends would shed.

"Guys, this is hopeless today. We should just go-"

Ruby cut her off. "You're getting married in three months, Emma. You don't have time to wait anymore. The dress has to be fitted and everything."

"Wait a minute!" Belle shouted from a few aisles over. "Emma, get over here. Now."

Ruby and Emma round the corner to find Belle, holding a dress up in the air. It was gorgeous-a light lace bodice, thin straps with an open back, and a floor length flowing gown that trailed behind it.

It was  _ perfect. _

"Well," Ruby laughed, "what are you waiting for? Get in there and try it on!"

Emma smiled and obliged, eager to try on the dress. The attendant in the dressing room helped her step into it, tying up the back with a clip so that she could see what it would look like fitted to her shape.

She took a deep breath and turned to face the mirror, and the sight of herself just about took her own breath away.

There was no point in hiding the tears from the girls. Almost the second she'd stepped outside the dressing room, they were all in tears themselves, crowding her with hugs and outrageous compliments.

"Emma, you're going to be such a beautiful bride!"

"Your boobs look AMAZING in this…"

"I'm so happy for you…"

And her personal favorite,

"Killian is going to DIE when he sees you in this."

* * *

His hand is warm in hers as they walked along the beach. Storm clouds hovered at the horizon, but they figured they had plenty of time to get in a walk before the rain hit.

It had become their favorite place, with so many memories forever hidden in the sands under their feet-summers at the shore, Fourth of July fireworks, their first kiss, and taking a walk together to help mend the fallout for Killian's brutal confession after said kiss.

It was their favorite thing to do: to just walk hand in hand, taking a leisurely stroll down the shore, letting the waves lap against their feet, listening to the soft cry of the gulls overhead, talking about any and everything.

"I found my dress yesterday."

He looked over and smiled at her, arching an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Mhm," she hummed. "I can't wait for you to see it."

He stopped mid stride and pulled her close, leaning down to whisper in her ear,  "I'm more interested in what you'll be wearing  _ underneath _ said dress, darling…"

She laughed and hit him lightly in the chest. "You idiot."

He took her hand again and started walking. "All jokes aside, love, you could be wearing a paper bag on our wedding day and I'd still think you were the most beautiful woman in existence."

She closed her eyes and smiled at the thought.

"You really know how to charm a girl, don't you?"

"What, is it working?"

"I'd say so."

He planted a quick kiss on her cheek, and they continued walking. After a few minutes, Emma felt a raindrop on her shoulder.

"I just felt something," she commented.

"Yeah, I did too."

"We'll never make it back home in time."

"I know somewhere else we could go," Killian said.

"Well, we'd better get there quick. The bottom is about to fall out."

"Look up there, on that hill." He gestured ahead and she followed his line of sight, until her eyes landed on a house.

"The old cliff house? But what if someone is in there?" She asked.

"Let's go have a look," he said, taking off without waiting for a reply. "Could be abandoned!"

Emma sighed and followed him up the beach and back on to the road, walking up the hill towards the old house, beginning to jog after him as the rain fell in quicker paces.

Before them was an old beach home atop the small cliff. In its time, it was probably a beautiful house, but its present state was in complete disarray. Peeling paint, broken windows now boarded up, and the porch railings snapping under the groaning weight of its sinking roof.

"It's amazing," Killian said under his breath.

"Clearly we're not seeing the same house," Emma snarked, wiping a raindrop from her cheek.

"But darling, think of the potential. You can't see it? A few repairs and a fresh coat of paint would do wonders."

She cocked her head to the side to look at the old house and pondered the thought. She loved the way his mind worked-always looking for the beauty in things. In her mind, all she could see were the dollar signs for how much it would cost to fix that place up, let alone buy it. But nonetheless, she admired his dreaming heart.

Killian walked up to the house, standing on tip toes to look in one of the windows.

Above them a clap of thunder sounded, and Emma grew tense.

"Do you see anything?" Emma shouted.

"Hard to tell from this angle. Come up here, love, and out of the rain."

She met him on the front porch. Killian attempted to open the door, which immediately fell off its hinges. There was a "no trespassing" sign on it, but Emma figured that being the Sheriff's deputy (and daughter) had its perks at this point.

The house was basically empty, save for a few random pieces of furniture and some old picture frames with ancient family portraits fading behind the glass. They walked around in silence, through each room, trying to imagine what it could look like in all its glory. It had hardwood floors throughout, huge bay windows overlooking the ocean, and 3 decent size bedrooms, plus a kitchen and two full baths (complete with vintage claw foot tubs).

Emma had gone upstairs to check out the bedrooms, when she heard Killian laugh.

"Jackpot!"

She turned on her heel and ran back down the stairs to see what he'd found.

She found him in what she assumed to be a dining room, sitting at an old upright piano.

"Emma, come take a look at this beauty."

He opened the dusty lid and pushed it back, revealing the ivory keys. Only a couple were missing, but overall it looked like it was still in pretty good shape. Killian stretched his arms in front of himself and cracked his fingers, and then set to work.

Emma leaned over him from behind, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing another kiss on his temple as he tried to play a sweet little song for her. The piano was horribly out of tune, but it didn't matter. Not to them, anyway.

Emma kissed his ear next, and she felt him shudder beneath her. She smiled knowingly, and went in for another, this time on his neck.

And then another.

Sometimes she just couldn't help herself.

He sighed and lifted his hands from the keys, turning around to face Emma, who leaned forward over him to plant a kiss on his lips. His head tipped backwards onto the piano as he sighed into her mouth, heat racing in his veins.

The kiss grew heavier, breathier, and he slipped his hand under the hem of her shirt, making her sigh into him again.

She broke away first. "We should go."

"What, you afraid someone will find us, darling? I don't think anyone's coming home any time soon. Plus, it's still raining."

Emma looked at him for a moment, running her thumb across his jawline.

"I love you, Killian."

He smiled, blue eyes shining up at her.

"I love you, too."

And with that, she leaned down to kiss him again, letting their love fill the space around them that had been dark and lonely for so long.

* * *

They'd decided to go on a sailing trip for their honeymoon. It would be  _ The Swan _ 's maiden voyage, and they had a lot of prep work to do to get ready. Emma knew next to nothing about sailing and boats in general, and so on the weekends, Killian gave her personal sailing lessons.

It was a bit tough at first, because she didn't know all of the lingo or names of the different parts of the vessel. She just liked to shout random things that she thought sounded like boat-lingo.

"Scrub the masts!"

"Port to starburst!"

Killian sighed. "It's star _ board _ , darling…"

He loved teaching her about the boat, if only to spend more time alone with her. (He especially loved teaching her about all of the useful things down in the captain's quarters).

With all the wedding prep and running about to get things ready, it had been hard to actually spend some quality time together recently. He'd been working extra shifts at Magic Bean to save up, as well as applying to jobs in the hopes of landing something full time to help support Emma and their future together. He'd received a degree in history, as it was the only subject he was truly interested in (and already knew a lot about). Emma was busy planning many of the wedding details, asking him his opinions on things when she could, while also working her job at the station full time. Thankfully, Storybrooke was a relatively safe town, and Emma had a lot of down time at the station to use for planning.

So their weekend sailing trips were always the highlight of his week, because if only for a couple days, it was just the two of them. No dealing with wedding vendors, or annoying customers at work, or apartment hunting. Just them, the sea, and a sweet summer breeze.

Sometimes they'd sail around the coast for a day or two at a time, just to get a feel for what living on the boat would feel like, even if it was only going to be a couple of weeks. They'd bring food to eat and Emma would lay out on the deck to read about sailing and sunbathe while Killian steered. They'd set anchor in a nearby cove and curl up together on deck to look at the way the stars reflected off of the water. Killian would point out constellations he knew, and Emma would snuggle in close to hear the stories. Sometimes if it was warm enough at night, they'd go skinny dipping (Emma's personal favorite sailing activity).

Every time they came home, they felt more and more ready to embark on their grand honeymoon adventure. And even more so, the grand adventure that marriage would be.

After three months of planning and preparation, it was time.

* * *

The morning of their wedding met them with light rain and a cloudy sky.

Emma sighed as the pulled back the white curtains of her changing room, looking out at the horizon.

"Don't worry," her mother said from across the room. "Your wedding isn't for a few more hours. By then the rain will have stopped, and everything will be perfect."

"This is just my luck. This is exactly what I was afraid of when Killian said he wanted to get married outdoors. And on the beach, no less."

Her mother walked over to her, taking one of her hands in her own.

"Emma, look at me."

Emma's eyes lifted up to her.

"I promise you," she started, "that today is going to be the most special day of your life, rain or shine. Look, the girls will be here soon and I bet that will make you feel better, huh?"

Emma smiled with thin lips and nodded, looking back out onto the beach.

Elsewhere in the beach side inn, Killian and his groomsmen were eating lunch and playing pool. He'd selected his three closest friends-his brother Liam as best man, and then August and Will. He'd known August since middle school, and they'd worked together for so long at the Magic Bean, that it just seemed right. And Will was a recent addition to the crew, having moved to Storybrooke only the previous year. He was a bit of a wild card, but he made Killian laugh, so he let him stick around.

"So," Liam starts as Killian racks up the game, "you think you're ready to be married?"

"I don't know," Killian chuckled. "I just know that I love Emma and there's no reason to wait anymore. She's the one for me."

The bell above the door rang as someone steps in. "Truer words never spoken," David said with a smile.

Killian turned and smiled back, extending a hand to Mr. Nolan. David took it, but pulled him into a swift hug, with pats on the back and all.

"You've always felt like part of our family, Killian. Today just makes it official. And there's no one better for Emma than you."

"Thanks, Dave. I really appreciate that."

"Get a room!" shouted Will from across the room.

Liam smacked him with a pool stick. "Shut up, you git."

* * *

Emma was elated once her bridesmaids finally arrived. Ruby, Belle, and Marian each have their own ways of cheering her up. Belle took to her maid of honor duties swiftly, making sure that everything was falling into place as it should, and enlisting the groomsmen to help set up the ceremony site. Ruby assisted, keeping track of the photographer and other vendors. Marian assisted by doing Emma's hair and makeup.

With each passing hour, Emma grew more and more anxious. Finally it came time for her and Killian's 'first look.' They didn't want to take the traditional route, and had each agreed that seeing each other before the ceremony would help put them both at ease, and also give them a few moments of alone time before all the excitement.

The rain had stopped, and the clouds were beginning to roll away. With the photographer ready, Belle held the train of Emma's dress as she descended the stairs. There was a beautiful stone walkway leading to a garden behind the house, where Killian would be waiting to see her.

Each step gave her more and more butterflies, the closer she got to him. She stepped outside and began walking down the sidewalk until she rounded the corner, and there he was. He was dressed in his navy suit with his hand in his pockets, back turned, waiting for her. She could imagine just how nervous he probably felt (because she did, too).

He stood waiting as patiently as he could, rocking back and forth on his heels in anticipation. Finally he heard her footsteps coming up the path, and he felt his heart begin to beat faster.

She tapped him on the shoulder, and he took a deep breath, turning to face her.

She was more beautiful than he could have ever imagined.

All he could say was her name as she embraced him. He kissed her lightly, and the pressed their foreheads together with a sigh.

"I love you, Emma. I can't wait to marry you."

"Me too."

Later, when he saw her walking down the aisle on the beach, his heart wasn't beating as quickly as before. All he could do was smile. Years of waiting had brought them to this moment.  And there wasn't a cloud in sight.

Emma passed her bouquet of blue hydrangeas to Belle, who swiftly moved to the side and straightened out the train of Emma's dress.

Killian took Emma's hands in his own, looking into her eyes as the minister gave opening remarks.

He mouthed different words to her throughout.

" _ You're so beautiful." _

" _ I love you, Swan." _

Eventually the time came to exchange vows. They'd opted to write their own together, that they would each say.

" _ I, Emma, vow to you, Killian…" _

" _ I, Killian, vow to you, Emma…" _

"… _ to love only you until the end of my days, _

_ To laugh with you, to cherish you, to honor you, _

_ To believe the best of you, and trust you with my life. _

_ I vow to be the home of your heart, and to protect it, always, _

_ To the end of the world, or time." _

With tears in their eyes, they placed their rings on each other's trembling fingers (hers to replace her sailboat necklace, his to replace his leather bracelet).

With smiles on their faces, they kissed for the first time as man and wife, and even the waves behind them clapped in joy.

* * *

The rest of the evening seemed to fly by. They ate and danced and laughed, making their rounds through the crowd together, never leaving each other's side. The reception tent had been pitched out on the beach, complete with twinkling lights strung about and tables and chairs for the guests.

Their favorite moment was sharing a first dance as husband and wife. (Dancing would become one of their favorite activities as a married couple-especially in the kitchen late at night).

But as they danced together, as close as they possibly could be, it was as if the world had stopped turning, and for only a moment, they were one.

Emma's heart filled to bursting with love, as Killian nuzzled her temple, whispering to her…to only her.

" _ You're quite the dancer, Mrs. Jones." _

" _ I seem to remember a dance much like this one…long ago. I was so nervous. But I knew when I held you in my arms that night that I would never love another quite like you." _

" _ I love you so much, Emma." _

They ended the evening by inviting their guests back out onto the beach. The sky was clear and spotted with stars. One by one, they handed each of their guests a paper lantern, which would be lit and released into the sky, as a way of offering up their gratitude and well wishes for the couple.

Emma and Killian went first, pushing their lantern up together. The rest of the crowd followed suit, until there were so many floating upwards that they couldn't tell them apart from the stars.

The happy couple departed finally in Killian's car, making their way back to a small inn on the outskirts of town, where they would stay for a night before departing in the morning for their honeymoon voyage.

* * *

The light of the early morning sun streamed in through the small windows below deck, washing over Emma as she stirred from sleep. She awoke, taking a moment to remember where she was. She turned to lay on her side, the thin sheet falling cool against her bare breasts.

The bed was empty next to her, as Killian was an early riser and was probably busy navigating their small schooner. They'd been at sea for about four days, staying near the coastline. Their plan was to sail as far down as the Caribbean, and then make their way back to their home in Storybrooke.

The bed was empty, but her eyes caught sight of a small slip of paper folded on the nightstand, her name etched across it in Killian's slanted handwriting.

She smiled, reaching across the bed to grab the note.

" _ To my beautiful bride- _

_ You looked so peaceful and content, and I couldn't wake you…come and find me when you wake. Perhaps we can continue what we started last night? _

_ I love you. _

_ K" _

She ran her fingers through her tussled hair, sighing happily at memories of the previous night. Of her new husband's eyes widening at her as she undressed for him, revealing particularly scandalous lingerie that she'd packed especially for the honeymoon. (They were black and tight and lacy and left  _ very little  _ to the imagination).

He'd stared at her open mouthed, unable to move, only shaking his head in disbelief (she had to admit, she loved the effect she had on him).

Emma laid down again, letting her hair splay across the pillow as she stretched her arms above her head contentedly. Then she made to stand, sitting on the edge of the bed and letting the bed sheet fall away, exposing herself. She stood and walked over to the desk across the room, where her silk robe rested over the back of the chair.

She emerged from below deck to see him at the helm of the boat, steering. It was warm out, the late August sun beating down on her brow. But the breeze was nice, cooling her off with salty sea spray every now and then.

Killian was focused-or perhaps zoned out, she couldn't tell. He stood at the wheel, dressed in his sweats and a grey henley with the sleeves rolled up, wearing his favorite aviator sunglasses.

She padded up to him quietly, and he didn't notice her presence until she wrapped her arms about his middle from behind, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Morning," she said.

His hands left the wheel and he turned to face her, letting her wrap her arms around him again.

"Morning, love."

He pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and lingered there for a moment, already feeling that pull down below, that insatiable need for her. (After what she'd done last night, who could blame him?)

He looked up at her, trying to shake it off, if only for a moment. "Are you hungry?"

She smiled, thin lipped. "Mhm."

"I made some coffee, and there are still some bagels left."

Emma stood on her tip toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you."

She started to walk away, but his hand on her wrist stopped her.

"Killian, what are you-"

She couldn't even protest, because he was kissing her again, and this time she could feel it, too.

"Sorry, darling," he said, pulling away. "The sight of you in that little robe was too much."

Emma chuckled, pulling his head down to whisper in his ear.

"You should see what I've got on underneath."

He shuddered against her, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"But, unfortunately for you, nothing is going to happen until I've had my coffee."

"Vixen," he growled, planting a kiss to the tender spot on her neck. "An absolute siren you are, Swan…"

He knew that she couldn't resist him when he kissed her neck, so he continued. Her voice became breathier each time she said his name, and he was beginning to realize that it was honestly his favorite sound in the entire world.

"Kil..Killian…come on, I'm hungry!"

"Hungry for what, exactly, darling?" he said, his breath hot against her neck.

"This…is not fair," she gasped, catching a breath.

His hand trailed down to the hem of her short silky robe, letting his hand slide up to her hip. He stopped kissing her neck when he realized that she was completely naked underneath, and he knew then that he was completely done for.

He kissed her neck harder, and her hips lifted to meet him.

"Oh my god," she moaned.

"Just give in, love. Resistance is futile."

"You're gonna get it," she sneered.

"That's the goal, love."

* * *

The next evening, they found a small cove off the coast to anchor in for the night. It was a perfect night-just warm enough for Emma's favorite sailing activity…skinny dipping.

She shrieked with laughter as he jumped in after her. The water at the edge of the cove was just shallow enough for them to stand, so they swam over towards it. The water was iridescent beneath the starry sky as they swam, laughing and splashing each other in the moonlight.

He chased after her in the water, catching her by the wrist again and pulling her towards him. She hugged his neck as he held her close, laying salty kisses to her shoulder and neck, her breasts pressing against his chest, the water lapping around and between them. She slicked back his wet hair, kissing his temple and hugging him tight.

She leaned back and tucked her hair behind her ears, before holding his face in her hands and kissing him. Their kisses were wet and salty and delicious (and the moan deep in his throat wasn't too bad, either). She let her fingers graze his scalp, and then wrapped her arms about his neck again as he held in her in the water.

She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. It could have been minutes, hours. Time didn't matter.

Only him, and his arms around her.

* * *

They find themselves reaching a small Caribbean island the next day, where Killian had been corresponding with a yacht club before their departure. They'd be allowed to anchor their yacht for 3 days on the island while they rented out a small oceanside cottage in a nearby town.

For three days, they ate nothing but fresh seafood, tropical fruits, and far too many rum-and-cokes. They walked hand in hand to the local market, picking out gifts to bring back to their families and little souvenirs for their new apartment back home. They spent hours on the beach, reading, listening to music, and swimming in the crystal clear waters of the coast.

At night, a local bar played live music, and they would go there for drinks and dancing late into the night, before returning to their little exotic home, falling into bed together. They'd talk about their day, their favorite moments from the wedding, how excited they were to go back home and start their life together.

On their last full day, a storm came through, thundering down rain and lightning on the island. Neither of them minded much ( _ All the more time to stay home for other fun activities, darling _ ). Aside from those, Emma sat in the hammock on the patio and read, while Killian cooked lunch. Afterwards they helped each other pack and clean up around the cottage. When the rain finally ceased, they went down to the beach for a walk. The water was still now, the sounds of the waves and birds overhead gently calling to them, saying goodbye.

The next morning, the started their voyage back home.

* * *

"A little to the left…now up…there. Perfect."

Killian stepped back to look at the frame on the wall and nodded in approval. Inside was a picture of the two of them on the beach from their honeymoon, tanned and smiling and so in love.

Not much had changed, thankfully.

They came back from their honeymoon voyage to a new apartment. While they were gone, Emma's parents had taken the liberty of moving all of her boxes of stuff for her, along with Liam, who brought Killian's. It was a bit overwhelming at first, to come home and see all of the boxes. Their trip had been surreal, so wonderful it felt like a dream. And now it was back to reality.

But a damn good one, at least.

They lived out of those boxes for about a week, until Killian couldn't take it anymore.

"Swan, you have to take the day off of work tomorrow. We have to get rid of these damn boxes." He was standing in the middle of the room, in the sea of brown cardboard and duct tape.

"Killian, I just started my job. I can't take off work already!"

"Your father is the bloody Sheriff, Emma. I think it will be alright. Yea?"

"Can't it wait until this weekend?" she whined.

"Swan, I love you, but I'm eager to truly start our life together. And we can't really do that until we move on from what we had before and start fresh. Please, help me out here."

She nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. Okay, I'll go call my Dad, and you can get started on the boxes in the kitchen."

He walked over to her and placed a kiss to her forehead. "Sounds like a plan, love."

She smiled as he walked around the corner into the kitchen. If this marriage was going to work, they'd both have to learn to compromise. She loved Killian with all of her heart, and would do anything to make him happy, to make his life easier. The best thing about all of it was, she knew that he'd do the same for her. Always.

They'd always been best friends, and that wasn't going to change now that they were married.

* * *

"Happy one year Anniversary, love."

His feathery kiss on her shoulder blade pulled her from sleep.

She sat up on her elbows. "What time is it?" 

"12:01 AM."

She chuckled through her nose, before leaning over and kissing him, slow and sweet and steady.

"Happy Anniversary."

* * *

Emma straightened Killian's tie, and smiled up at him.

"Do you really think I can do it?"

She looked at him with compassion. "Of course I do. They'd be stupid not to hire you."

He planted a kiss on her cheek. "Thanks, love."

She watched as he backs his car out of the driveway and headed out to the local community college for his interview. Since graduating with his Master's in history, he'd been on the lookout for a good teaching position. But Storybrooke was a small town, and there was only so much to pick from. Needless to say, he didn't want to work at a retail job anymore, as great as the Magic Bean had been all those years. So when he saw an announcement online that the college was hiring, he jumped at the opportunity.

She was so proud of him. During the first two years of their marriage, he'd become manager at the coffee shop, working full time while also taking on a part time job at the Storybrooke Library. It's not like he'd really needed to work-Emma made enough as deputy to provide, but he still wanted to.

" _ I don't want to live in this tiny apartment forever, Swan…how are we supposed to start a family here?" _

(Her heart always squeezed in her chest whenever he mentioned it.)

So, he continued to work, and they saved up as much as they could during those two years. In the end, it was worth all the late nights and the days they barely saw each other-almost as soon as she'd come home from work, he'd be leaving for another shift. But thankfully that was all about to change.

He'd been gone at his interview for about an hour now, and she was starting to feel anxious. She'd already flipped through all of the TV channels with no luck. She'd rearranged her sock drawer and cleaned the kitchen, even threw a load of laundry in the wash.

As it neared 4 o'clock, she knew that he would be back soon, so she made herself a cup of coffee and went outside to sit on the front steps of their apartment. The weather out was warm and breezy, and the cherry blossom tree in their front yard had just recently bloomed. She sipped her coffee, saying a silent prayer to whatever higher power was listening, that Killian would come home with a smile on his face. She had total faith in him to get the teaching position at the college, but she also knew that even if he didn't get it for whatever reason, her anniversary gift for him would make up for it.

A few minutes later, his car was rounding the corner towards home. Emma stood, setting her coffee cup down.

Killian parked the car, and stepped out.

He wasn't smiling.

Her heart dropped, and she offered him a sympathetic smile. He didn't say a word as he walked up to her, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, babe…" she said, rubbing his back to console him.

"Me too," he said. "I'm really gonna miss bossing August around."

Her hand stopped moving, and a smile stretched across her face. Looking back up at him, she laughed.

"Wait, what?"

"I got the job, Emma."

She laughed, jaw to the floor. "Killian! Congratulations!"

He swooped her up into his arms again, spinning her around as she laughed into his neck. "I'm so proud of you," she said, holding him tight.

"Thank you, love," he said, setting her back down again. "I couldn't have done it without you. Your support these last two years has been invaluable."

"Anything for you," she smiled, caressing his cheek. "So, when do you start?"

"June 1st. Gives me plenty of time to find a new manager for the Magic Bean and then put in my two weeks' notice at the Library."

"Great! Now," she said, taking his hand, "I need your help getting dinner ready. My parents and Liam are coming over to celebrate."

"How did you alert them so fast?"

"I confirmed it with them last night," she smiled smugly.

Killian shook his head in disbelief at her. "That was quite a lot of faith you were putting on me, Swan."

"I always choose to hope the best for you, Killian. I knew my faith wouldn't be misplaced."

He pulled her close then, kissing her. 

"I don't know how I got so lucky," he said, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Me either."

* * *

Everyone was seated round the table, when Emma stood, tapping her wine glass with the handle of her spoon.

The sound got everyone's attention, and she smiled. "I would just like to say, thank you all for coming over to celebrate with us."

She reached over the table and took Killian's hand. "It's been a long two years, and Killian has worked so hard to both provide for our future and make something of himself, and I have never been more proud of him. To Killian!"

Everyone raised their glass towards him, and his ears blushed pink. "To Killian!" 

Emma smiled and clinked her glass with everyone, before leaning down to give Killian a quick kiss. "I love you," she whispered.

He smiled up at her, making her heart squeeze in her chest. "I love you too, darling."

* * *

Later that evening, she's sitting on their couch, relaxed, finishing up her third glass of wine. Her father sits next to her.

"This was nice," he said. "I'm so happy for you two, Emma."

"Thanks, Dad, me too."

She looked over into the kitchen, where Killian stood at the sink, his sleeves rolled up as he washes off the dishes that Liam has cleaned up from the table. Her mother stood next to him, drying the dishes after he finished washing them. It was a sweet picture, the two of them standing shoulder to shoulder, laughing about something that she couldn't quite make out.

"So," David said, "how'd your meeting with the real estate agent go?"

"Shh! He might hear you!"

"Oh, sorry," he said, looking over his shoulder at his wife and son-in-law in the kitchen. "I thought he knew already."

"No," Emma answered. "I was planning on telling him tonight, actually. After you guys go home."

David smiled. "That's nice. Well I take it then that the meeting did go well?"

"You could say that," she said with a sly smile, taking one last sip of her wine.

Once their family was gone and the table was cleared, Emma and Killian collapsed on the couch.

"Thanks for inviting them," he said.

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Of course. They love you, too, you know."

"Aye, I know. But not quite as much," he started, leaning back over her, "as I love you, Swan."

He kissed her then, so full of love and satisfaction, that she can't help the gasp of air she takes as his hand falls back into her hair. (Or maybe it was just the wine).

He smiled at this rather mischievously, and leaned in to kiss her again.

It was amazing, she thought absentmindedly, that after all this time, she still got butterflies in her stomach when he kissed her like this, as if it was the first time all over again. Somehow, she loved him more and more every day.

He started to move his kisses down to her neck, and she had to stop him. She knew that if he went any further, it'd be tomorrow morning before she could give him his gift.

"Wait, Killian-"

"Hmm?"

He sat back up and looked into her eyes. "What is it, love?"

"I have something I need to give you first."

"What do you mean? You've already done so much today."

"No, this is different. Actually, it was supposed to be an anniversary gift, and I know that it's not for another couple of months but I couldn't wait any longer."

He sat back, and looked at her suspiciously. "Emma are you…you know?"

"What?" she asked, before the realization set in. "Pregnant?! God no."

He breathed a huge sigh of relief and smiled. "Okay, then. What is it?"

"Wait here." She left and walked towards the bedroom, coming back a minute later with a box in her hand.

She handed it to him. "Open it."

He looked at her cautiously again, and then the corners of his mouth tipped up slightly.

It was a small velvet black box, and inside, was a brass key.

He took it out of the box, turning it over in his hand. "I don't understand, Swan."

"There's something else in the box. Look again."

He picked the box back up and lifted the cushion out of the bottom, revealing a slip of paper. He took it out and unfolded it, reading the contents to himself.

Emma couldn't quite read the expression on his face. "Well?"

"Emma…" he said, voice cracking. "Is this really what I think it is?"

She smiled wide, unable to help the tears that began to form at the edges of her eyes. "Yeah…it's the deed to our new home. The cottage by the shore…the one you always wanted."

His lips pursed together as he tried not to cry. He looked up at her as the tears formed anyway and he tried to smile. "How did you-I can't believe you did this, Emma. You have no idea how much this means to me."

She laughed through the tears. "All your hard work the last two years really did pay off. I visited the real estate agent's office a couple weeks ago and talked it over with them. We had enough to put a down payment on the home, so I asked them to hold it for us until I knew for sure you got the job, and we could afford the mortgage. But it all worked out, Killian. The house is ours."

He laughed as the tears came freely, and pulled Emma into a hug. "Thank you, Swan. Thank you so much."

She laughed too, pulling back to kiss him again. "I knew back when were engaged, that one day that place would be our home."

"I'd hoped it would be," Killian said. "But how did you know?"

"Because," she answered. "You saw something beautiful in that old broken place. Just like you did in me."

"Oh, Emma," he sighed. He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes as her breathing evens out again.

"We'll have to do a bit of renovation first, before we can move in. But I think by the end of the summer, it'll be ready."

"I can't wait," he said. Then he shook his head, turning the key over in his hand again. "Is this real life?" he asked, chuckling in disbelief.

She answered him with another kiss.

* * *

They started by cleaning out and painting the house first, recruiting every available friend and family member for 3 weekends straight to get it done. They hired Leroy to paint the outside of the house-they chose to stick with the light grey, but just brighten it up with some nice white shutters and a bright blue front door.

Killian wanted to keep the old piano ( _ You know I'm sentimental, love _ ), so Emma had it tuned and repainted, and moved into their new living room.

A couple of the windows upstairs were broken, likely from some teenagers who had nothing better to do than sneak out to mess around in abandoned houses (she didn't blame them…she and Killian had trespassed here years ago). Once those were replaced, Emma dressed them all with white lace curtains.

Slowly but surely, the house came together. They went shopping for a new sofa and chairs, opting to get the large L-shaped couch in light grey, and two mustard yellow chairs that were cozy as hell. A few trips to Marco's wood shop afforded them some beautiful end tables and a coffee table, as well as a gorgeous light oak cabinet to use for their entertainment system.

Emma hung up their college degrees, as well as a painting of a bird that her mother had painted for her when she was little. Killian put up an old photograph of his mother as a young teenager. He built a desk by hand for his new office, and found an antique office chair at a local consignment shop. His office was a classic - wooden bookshelves built in that lined an entire wall, just enough for his history books and Emma's memoirs that she loved to read so much.

His finishing touch was a photograph of the two of them on their wedding day- the first time he saw her in her wedding dress. He's holding her and her beautiful blonde hair is falling in waves down her back. It was one of the most wonderful moments of his life.

Emma decorated their bedroom, going for a simple nautical theme. She opted for a king size four poster bed, hanging a thin white curtain around the top. Something about it just felt right, and she couldn't wait to burrow herself under the new fluffy white sheets later that summer.

Sure enough, by the end of the summer, they had a beautiful home waiting for them. Neither of them could help the tears that came as they walked up to their front door for the first time, hand in hand. Killian turned the key slowly, taking in the moment, hoping to the gods that he wasn't having a dream.

The door swung open, and they both breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was there, ready to go. They'd moved everything but their bed back at the apartment. When they'd left for the last time, Emma couldn't help but feel sad, because that newlywed time of their marriage was over. But standing there, at the threshold of this beautiful house with her husband, with her Killian, totally made up for it.

He looked over his shoulder at her, lifting an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Welcome home, love."

* * *

Their first year of home ownership proved to be a test of their wills at best. In autumn, their basement flooded from the impact of a hurricane off of the coast. It was a complete disaster-everything in the basement had to be removed, and they had to call Leroy and his crew to come in and clear it out to assess the damage. Two grand of repairs later, they decided to spend a little extra to proof the basement to prevent that from happening again. Their home was beautiful, and they wouldn't trade it for the world, but because of the combination of the home's age as well as its location at the coast, it was prone to problems like that.

During their first winter there, the pipes froze every time it snowed. They had to call the contractor back to repair the pipe system. In the meantime, Emma took her showers at the station and Killian used the showers at the college gym.

It was terrible, to say the least.

But eventually, once those repairs were done, they finally fell into a good routine and rhythm. Since getting the job at the college, Killian's schedule was so much better. Now, they could come home at the same time and spend the evenings together. Killian would grade papers for a bit as Emma read, or cleaned, or caught up on paperwork from the station. Occasionally Killian would worry over her, even though her job as a deputy was rarely dangerous. Although, she did come home once with a black eye from a particularly nasty perp, and Killian was furious.

"How on earth could Dave let this happen?"

"Killian, I'm fine, it's fine…"

"Emma, what if he'd hurt you worse?"

She could tell he was getting worked up, getting worried over losing her.

"Hey, hey," she said, stroking his chest to soothe him. "I'm okay, Killian. I'll be more careful next time, okay?"

He looked at her sympathetically, and then kissed her forehead. "Go lay down, love. I'm gonna make you an ice pack for your eye."

She didn't think she really needed it, but she obliged. It was nice to have someone to dote after her, to take care of her. Killian constantly reminded her that it was okay to trust others in that process.

Sometimes they would have Liam over, or her parents, for dinner. Every few months, one of Emma's college friends would come and stay with them for a weekend. First Elsa, then Belle and eventually Marian. Emma also noticed that Elsa and Liam seemed to hit it off whenever she visited, and she made a mental note to invite Liam to join them for a meal the next time she was in town.

When they didn't have guests, it was just the two of them. They would go for walks on the beach, which was literally only a few yards away from their front door, or walk over to Granny's to grab a bite to eat. Sometimes Killian would play open mic night at the Magic Bean, a tradition that had continued after he'd left, and she would come to watch and cheer him on. (She always thinks of the first time he did it-when he sang to her and then laid his heart on the line all those years ago. She's forever grateful that he took that chance).

Sometimes they would go to karaoke at the White Rabbit with August and Ruby. Sometimes they would just stay home and snuggle together on the couch with some hot chocolate and cinnamon, watching movies or seeing what was on Netflix. Eventually they would retire to the bedroom, sometimes to crash from exhaustion, sometimes for more… _ enjoyable  _ activities.

It was one of the best years of their lives.

* * *

Christmas was Emma's favorite holiday, and she decked the house out that year with lights in every window, mistletoe hanging in every doorway (per Killian's suggestion), and a huge tree, which she had forced Killian to buy one night when they passed a small tree farm set up on Main Street on their way home from Granny's.

For Christmas that year, she got him a dog. Her name was Tink, and she was a precious little grey mutt. Emma had known for a while that she wanted to get him a dog. She loved Killian, and she loved their house, but sometimes it felt a little empty. It was rather big for just the two of them, but they weren't quite ready to have kids yet. So when she found Tink at the pound, her big brown eyes staring up at Emma with longing, she knew that there was no other choice.

Her parents begrudgingly watched the dog for a few days before Christmas, and that morning, Emma managed to wake up before Killian to go over and get her. When he came downstairs later that morning, hair tussled with sleepy eyes and a smile on his face, the first thing he noticed was Tink, curled up and sleeping in front of the hearth, a large red bow on her collar.

"Emma?"

"Oh, crap!" he heard her say from the kitchen.

"Darling, who's our guest?"

Emma rounded the corner, and laughed as she embraced him. "Merry Christmas, Killian! This is our new dog, Tink!"

He smiled wide, and moved over to the dog, who immediately sat up and seemed to almost smile back.

"Swan, you're amazing."

Emma smiled smugly. "I know."

Killian kneeled in front of Tink and scratched behind her ears. Her tail began to thump on the carpet happily, and Killian was already a goner.

"I think we're going to get along just fine, yea?"

Tink stood up and licked his face.

"Alright, alright," he laughed, making to stand. "I have to give Emma her present now."

Tink whined only for a second, before laying back down on the rug as if nothing had happened.

"Now," Killian said, turning and walking back over to his wife. He pulled her close as she wrapped her arms about his waist. "I believe that there's something special for you, Swan. Did you happen to find it already?"

"No, I was waiting for you."

"That's very kind," he said, kissing her cheek. "Now, go look under the tree, darling."

Emma smiled bashfully, and then walked over to the tree.

There wasn't anything underneath except for a card, with her name on it. (They'd decided to only get the other one gift, and just make it a really good one…they liked to keep things simple. Plus, there wasn't much that either of them really wanted anyway).

She looked at him with another smile before sliding her finger along the edge of the envelope and tearing it open.

Inside was a postcard, a beautiful picture of rolling hills and valleys, a small cobblestone pathway leading somewhere she couldn't see. She turned the postcard over in her hands to read the description.

" _ Drogheda, Ireland." _

She wasn't sure what to make of it at first, but then she put the pieces together.

Her eyes lit up as she looked up at Killian, whose eyebrow is already arched and waiting for her response.

"Are you serious?!" she squealed.

"Aye, love. I'm taking you to Ireland for a week's vacation in a few months. Liam is coming along as well. We're going to show you our hometown."

She ran at him, throwing her arms about his neck as he laughed and spun her around. 

(Needless to say, that was her favorite Christmas).

The rest of the day was spent at her parents, and with Liam, watching Christmas movies and sharing gifts with their family.

* * *

Three months later, they were dropping Tink off with her parents again (much to David's chagrin), and heading to the airport with Liam.

Ireland was a whirlwind. Emma had never been out of the country before, so that alone was an adventure for her. Killian let her have the window seat, gentleman that he was, and couldn't help but smile at the way she marveled over the scenery below them.

Seven hours and one short layover in the London airport later, they finally arrived. Killian and Liam hadn't been back since they'd moved to the US with their father all those years ago. But most things were still the same.

They managed to find the home where they were both born, and Emma took a photo of the two of them in front of it. After lunch at a local market, Liam told them that he'd found the place where their mother was buried. The next morning, Emma walked back to the market to buy some fresh flowers, and brought them back to Killian. The weather was grey and misty, a cold breeze making its way through the town. Together the three of them made their way to a small cemetery down the way from their hotel, and Emma stood back as the two men walked together through the stones. They finally came to a stop, and Emma guessed that they'd found it.

Killian kneeled and laid the flowers on the stone, and Liam patted him on the shoulder. Killian stood and looked over to Emma, motioning for her to come over.

Emma took his hand as he showed her.

**_Here lies_ **

**_Eleanor May Jones_ **

**_Beloved wife and mother_ **

"She was an incredible woman," Liam lamented.

"Aye. I wish I'd gotten the chance to know her," Killian added.

Liam nodded. "Well I have no doubt that she sees you now…sees the man you've become. She'd be proud of you."

"Hey," Emma said, laying a hand on Liam's shoulder. "She'd be proud of you too, Liam. I mean, just hearing about the way you took care of Killian all those years…it's incredible."

Liam thanked her and sniffled. They stayed there for a few minutes, and then together they set off back into town. Before she walked away, Emma whispered a silent  _ thank you  _ to this woman she'd never met, for giving up her life, and for giving her the greatest gift she'd ever received.

Liam wanted to go out and eat, so they found a small restaurant in the main square and had a hearty meal, the boys filling up on stouts and Emma polishing off a particularly exquisite bottle of white wine.

Afterwards, Liam said he was going to meet up with an old friend, and so Emma and Killian had the afternoon to themselves.

Feeling that lovely lightness of the alcohol, they walked around, taking pictures and visiting local churches, visiting the shops, snuggling on a bench in the park together and just relaxing.  As the afternoon dipped into evening, the sky burned bright with orange and pink streaks. They were walking down a small lane, holding hands and just enjoying the beautiful scenery that Ireland had to offer.

Some way down the road, Killian stopped, pulling Emma close.

"Are you enjoying your trip, darling?"

Emma smiled. "Of course…it's amazing. I can see why you missed it so much."

He smirked back. "Aye. But being here has made me realize one thing."

"What's that?"

"That my home is with you, in Storybrooke. It always has been, truly."

Her eyes fluttered as she sighed, pulling him close to kiss him. He brought his hand up to her hair and turned his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding against her lips asking for entrance. She obliged, bringing her hands to his hair and running her fingers through it. This pulled a moan from deep in his throat, and when she pulls back to look at him, his ears were blushed pink, and he looked completely done for.

"What do you say we head back to our hotel early, love?"

Emma smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."

She loved him like that, completely unraveling beneath her. Every roll of her hips sent him spiraling further, and her name, raspy in his throat, hung over them like a prayer.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" David asked from across the station. "You really don't look so well."

"Thanks, Dad," she answered, just a hint of sarcasm looming on her tongue.

"Emma, I'm serious. You look pale. You should just call it a day."

"But I'm trying to catch up on the hours I missed during our European excursion…"

David walked over to her, laying the back of his hand against her forehead.

"Hmm," he mumbled. "You don't feel warm. Must not be a fever. Did you eat something funny?"

"No, not that I can think of. I've only had Granny's the last few days and I've never gotten sick from her food before."

"Well, either way, I think you should go home. I can take care of things here."

"No, really Dad, I'm fi-"

Just then, she's reached towards the wastebasket, as if it's an urge she has no control over. Almost immediately, she hurled straight into it.

"Oh, geez," David commented, unsure of what to do. "Hold on, Emma."

He left her to find some sort of towel, as Emma sat bent over the wastebasket, trying to breathe steadier. She had honestly been feeling fine most of the morning, but this seems to have hit her out of nowhere.  Emma could barely walk, feeling nauseous and shaky, so her father closed down the station temporarily, taking his badge and phone with him in case there was some sort of other emergency.  He called ahead to Dr. Whale, who made an exception to see Emma right away.

Killian came home early from work that evening, after receiving a call from Mary Margaret.

"Hey, Killian," she said. Somehow, he could see his mother-in-law smiling on the other end.

"Afternoon, Mrs. Nolan. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you'd heard from David or Emma this afternoon? I've been trying to get in touch with them all day but neither one has responded."

"Uh, no, I haven't." The realization only hit him then-that no, Emma did not call on her lunch break like she does every day. He just must have been too busy to notice. What if something was terribly wrong?

He heard his mother-in-law again on the other end, and it brought him back to the present moment.

"Oh, you know what, Killian? That's David pulling into the drive now. Emma's not with him, so I imagine she's at home now."

"Alright then," he said. "Thanks for calling."

His entire ride home was a mixture of terror and confusion. He supposed that if something quite serious had happened, he'd have been informed of it. Maybe it was just a slow day at work and they both wanted to leave. Maybe one of them had been hurt by another scumbag. The thought of his beautiful wife with another black eye, or worse, made his blood boil.

Sure enough, Emma's bug was in the drive of their home.

He opened the door, and Tink came running up to him in joyful greeting.

"Hey, girl," he said, scratching behind her ear. "Where's mum, huh?"

He called out for Emma, but got no answer.

He took a second to throw his bag into the office and feed Tink, who was ravenous. Emma was usually the one to get home first, and would feed her. But for whatever reason, she hadn't that day.

Gingerly, he made his way upstairs to their bedroom. He peeked around the corner, but only saw a perfectly made bed, and no light on in their master bath.

"Emma?" he said again, just a hint of worry in his tone.

"In here," he heard her feeble voice call out.

He looked down the hall and sees light coming through the cracked door of one of their guest bedrooms.

"Love, what on earth is going on?" he said, pushing the door open.

She's sitting in the middle of the room, on the floor. The room itself was rather small, but it sat on the side of the house facing town, which always got the best sunlight. Emma had pulled the blinds up, letting the soft glow of the afternoon sun wash over her.  Killian sat next to her on the hardwood floor.

"Emma?"

"I got sick at work today," she said, looking up at him. For the first time, he can't quite read the emotion on her face.

"How so?"

"I puked."

He gave her a compassionate look, and pulled her head towards him, planting a kiss on her temple.

"Sorry, love. How do you feel now?"

"Pretty good."

"Yeah? So you're not feeling nauseous anymore?"

She chuckled a bit. "Oh, well…the nausea has only just begun, unfortunately."

"I don't understand, love. Are you sick or not?"

"Killian," she said, turning towards him and taking his hands in her own. "I'm not sick. I'm pregnant."

His eyes grow wide, and then before she knows it, he's scooped her up in his arms, burying his face in her neck.

"Oh my god!" he said, muffled in her hair.

She couldn't help the happy tears that came, because this was a surprise, but such a wonderful one.

He sat back up and she could see that he was crying, too.

"How…how far along are you?"

"Six weeks."

He looked as though he was trying to figure something out, eyebrows furrowed and serious.

"It was Ireland, if that's what you're wondering."

He chuckled. "I can't believe this."

"Well, believe it, buddy. Because in 9 months, this room is going to be a nursery."

* * *

They decided to break the news to their friends and family by inviting them all out to dinner at Granny's. They were met with countless hugs and offers of babysitting and well wishes, as well as a lot of tears (mostly from Emma's mother).

The next 7 months were a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, birthing classes, and getting the nursery and house baby-ready. Things were going smoothly. They were excited, and the baby was healthy and growing perfectly fine. On any given night, one could find Emma laying across the couch with Killian sitting on the end, rubbing her sore swollen feet as they watched movies or talked about their day. Her cravings hadn't been that ridiculous, except for the one night where she needed onion rings at 4 in the morning. (He'd kept a stash of frozen ones in the freezer for weeks, knowing full well that this could happen at a time when Granny's was closed).

She kept working up until about a month before she was due. But even before that, David had forced her to just do paperwork and take incoming calls. He hired Ruby as a part time assistant, and let her take on the less dangerous deputy tasks while Emma stayed at the station.

Her due date had passed, and she was starting to grow impatient with the little bundle hiding beneath her skin. She was so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Any temperature above freezing made her sweat, her feet were sore all the time, her back ached, she ate everything in sight, and she had to pee every 5 minutes.

That night was no different. She woke up at about 3 in the morning for her usual middle of the night bathroom visit, but as her vision came to, she realized that Killian was not lying next to her as he usually was.

She squinted her eyes, looking around, and noticed that the bathroom light was already on.

Groggily, she sauntered out of bed and waddled towards the light. But as she neared it, she heard a sound that startled and confused her.

Sniffling.

She knocked on the door. "Killian? You okay in there?"

She heard him shuffling around (was he on the  _ floor?)  _ and moments later, he opened the door. His hair was in disarray, his eyes red and puffy, and tissues were strewn about the floor haphazardly.

Her eyes grew wide at the scene, and she embraced him.

"What time is it?" he asked, voice raspy.

"3:15."

"Bloody hell. I had no idea. Sorry, love. It's about that time, isn't it? I'll leave you to your business-"

He tried to leave, but her hand splayed on his chest stopped him.

"Hey, not so fast," she said, concerned. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing, Emma."

She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows at him.

"It's definitely not nothing," she said. "Come on."

She took his hand and led him back to the bedroom, sitting down at the edge of the bed. He took his place next to her.

"Talk to me, Killian."

The air was tense, until he let out a shaky breath.

"I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

He paused for a moment.

"My father."

She sucked in a breath, lifting a hand to rub his back with concern. "What about him?"

In the back of her mind, a growing hatred of this man caught flame once again, for somehow continually hurting Killian, even though he hadn't been present in years.

"I know we've had this talk before, love, but I'm so frightened."

"Of what? Of becoming like him?"

He sniffled and nodded, looking down at his fidgeting hands.

"Oh, Killian." She pulled him close, letting him rest his head on her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair sweetly as he let his breath even out again.

"I'm just afraid that I won't be a good father, like him."

"Killian, look at me."

He sat up, sadness etched across his face. Emma took his hand, and layed it across her swollen belly.

"Do you love me?" she asked.

Her question took him aback. "Of course I do."

"And do you love this baby?"

"Aye, love."

"Okay, then. That's all that matters. Your father was selfish and cowardly, and you are neither of those things. You never have been."

He smiled, nodding his head.

Emma continued. "If you're half as good of a father as you are a husband, then this is going to be one lucky kid."

"Thank you, Swan."

She leaned over (as far as she can with a swollen belly), and planted a sweet kiss to his lips.

"I love you, Killian."

"And I you, Emma."

"Now," she said, "please go back to bed. This baby could come at any minute and you really should be rested."

He chuckled, raising her hand to plant a kiss to her knuckles.

"As you wish."

The next evening, they welcomed Eleanor Ruth Jones into the world.

* * *

A few weeks after Eleanor was born, Emma found herself waking once again in the middle of the night, but this time to the cries of their newborn daughter. Before she could find the strength to attend to her, she felt Killian roll over next to her on the bed.

"I'll go this time, love. Get some sleep."

She mumbled a soft  _ thank you _ , before he slipped out the door. Minutes later, the house became quiet again.

Even though he'd taken care of it, Emma had trouble falling back asleep. So she slowly got out of bed, and put on a thick pair of wool socks before slipping out into the hallway and heading towards the nursery. She peeked in through the door, to see her husband sitting in a rocking chair with their daughter, singing to her. Her heart squeezed in her chest as she listened.

She slowly creaked the door open, trying not to wake the baby. Killian's eyes flitted up to hers, and he looked concerned for a moment, but when she smiled at him, he kept singing. She shuffled over to him, leaning down to plant a kiss to his lips, cutting him off while he sings. It surprised him, but he melted into her kiss, lifting his free hand up to tangle in her hair.

"Mm," he said, pulling away. "What was that for, love?"

"For being the best husband in the world."

He smiled, turning back to his daughter. "I think she's asleep now. Shall we?"

She nodded and he stood slowly, keeping Eleanor in the crook of his arm safe and snug. They each gave her a soft goodnight kiss before laying her back in her crib.

* * *

Parenthood came easily to them. Of course, they weren't perfect, but they made it work. Ellie had Killian wrapped around her little finger, and he was completely in love with her. Emma had to call him out multiple times for giving Ellie too many sweets, but every time she did, he would simply arch an eyebrow and wink at their daughter, who would giggle and smile back at him.

Ellie was a sweet girl, dark-haired with bright green eyes, the perfect mix of the two of them. She loved to play with Tink, who would spend every night at the foot of Ellie's bed. She loved music, and Emma would dance with her as Killian played a tune on the piano for them. She preferred onion rings over French fries like her mother. She loved to play outside with Emma's little brother Charlie. She loved having sleepovers at "Pawpaw and Mom-mom's house" (her coined terms for David and Mary Margaret).

Once, Ellie accidentally let Tink out of the house, and Killian spent the entire night searching for her. He found her in the morning, wet and shaking beneath the docks on the beach. Ellie squealed with delight when she awoke the next morning to find her beloved canine friend at her feet.

They lived a sweet life, full of love, of laughter, and lots of hot chocolate with cinnamon. Their house truly became a home, and every day was full of new surprises.

* * *

Four years after she was born, on a cool and misty September morning, Emma and Killian helped Ellie get ready for her first day of preschool.

Emma tried not to get emotional. Really, she did. But she couldn't resist the tears when she saw her baby girl wearing her new pink backpack and holding a little plastic peter pan lunchbox.

Ellie looked a little timid about the whole situation, so Emma and Killian decided to walk her to school for her first day. Together the three of them set out, with Ellie holding one of their hands in each of her own.

As they walked, Emma and Killian shared knowing smiles, sharing in the happiness of their little family. She laid a soft hand on her newly swelling belly, eager to bring a sibling into the world for Ellie.

As they approached the preschool, she felt Eleanor's grasp tighten.

They paused for a moment before going in, and Killian knelt down to talk to her.

"Now, love, don't be worried. Your Mom-mom is your teacher, and you'll have so much fun. And then Mommy will be here to pick you up before you know it."

Ellie nodded, and then threw her arms about Killian's neck. Emma's heart squeezed in her chest again.

Killian pulled back. "I have something for you."

Ellie's face lit up. "A present?! For me, Daddy?"

Killian chuckled. "Aye, love." He reached around to his back pocket and pulled out the gift, wrapped in pink tissue paper.

"Go ahead," he said. "Open it."

He looked up at Emma, who looked confused, but curious.

"Crayons!" Ellie shouted, throwing the tissue paper to the ground. "Thank you, Daddy!"

She hugged his neck again, and he laughed. "Now, Ellie darling, there's something very important you should know about these crayons."

"What, Daddy?"

"They're magical."

Her eyes grew big. "Really?!"

"Aye, it's true. They have the power to make you the happiest person in the world."

Ellie looked at her little box of crayons in awe. "Wow…"

Killian pressed a kiss to his daughter's forehead. "Give your mother a hug, and let's go find Mom-mom, okay?"

Ellie obliged, and Emma knelt down to give her daughter a hug. She held on as long as she could, trying not to cry. "Have a good day, Sweetie. I'll come and pick you up soon, okay?"

Before taking Ellie inside, Killian pressed a kiss to Emma's temple knowingly.

She watched her husband and daughter disappear around the corner, and then looked back down at her swelling belly in disbelief.

How could this really be her life?

And to think, that if she hadn't shared that blue crayon with the dark haired boy with the funny accent all those years ago, she wouldn't have any of this.

(The thought scares her more than anything).

Killian came back a few minutes later.

"How'd it go?" Emma asked.

He scratched behind his ear. "Well, she cried at first…didn't want to let go of me. But then she saw the other kids playing with toy instruments, and it was all uphill from there."

"Good."

Killian looked up at the sky, and then in the direction of the beach.

"Fancy a walk, love?"

Emma nodded and he stretched out his hand for her to take.

She thought to herself that  _ yes _ , this really was her life. And it was so much better than any make believe story. It was  _ real _ .

She took his hand, and they set out. Together they walked hand in hand down the stretch of beach, the sky stretching before them in a beautiful light grey. A cool, salty breeze was blowing in off of the water, and around them they heard nothing but the sound of the waves and the gulls above.

_ The End _


	18. Bonus: Reminders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a one-shot created to show a snippet of their life after the events of the epilogue. I hope you enjoy!

"Are you sure she's ready for this, love?"

Killian looked at his wife with concern. Their four year old daughter Ellie was about to have her first sleepover away from home. Granted, it was only at Emma's parents' house, but nonetheless, this was a big milestone for their little family. Ellie was growing up.

Emma rubbed her growing pregnant belly as she answered. "Of course, she's a tough kid. She'll be fine. Plus, if anything goes wrong, my mom knows to call me."

Killian nodded. "If you say so."

Emma smiled to herself at the way Killian worried over their daughter. Ellie had him wrapped around her little finger and Emma for one loved watching every second of it.

The Jones family made their way to Mary Margaret and David's house, and helped Ellie get settled before heading back home. It was strange not having Ellie in the house. Oddly enough, her absence made their cottage house by the sea feel smaller, even though there was one less person in it.

Emma missed her little girl, but also knew that it was rare for her and Killian to get alone time like this. It had been so long.

Usually they'd take this opportunity to have sex, and a lot of it, but she was 7 months pregnant and very much not in the mood, so they opted for late night hot chocolate and Netflix instead.

Emma awoke around 3 to her phone buzzing on her nightstand. It was her mother. The text read, "Ellie needs you."

She didn't want to wake Killian, so she just scribbled a note and left it on her pillow in case he woke up.

It was dark out, and she has to use her phone flashlight to see the driveway and her yellow bug. The air was cold, and she wished she'd brought a sweater. The weather had been slowly turning for weeks, ushering in the fall season in Storybrooke.

She parked the car in their drive and made her way to the front door as quietly as she could. She fumbled with her keys for a moment, trying to find her old key in the darkness. Then she accidentally dropped them, mumbling a curse word or two as she tried to bend over her pregnant belly to pick them back up. Finally, she opened the door and stepped inside the foyer, happy to feel the heat rush around her like a warm blanket.

Her mother was sitting on the couch with a crying Ellie, who is curled in a pathetic heap in her lap. At the sound of the door, Mary Margaret turned her head to see Emma. "Oh, thank goodness. We've tried everything, Emma. She just kept crying for her mommy and daddy."

Emma's face flashed sympathy for her little one as she walked over to the couch. Mary Margaret whispered something in Ellie's ear and she looked up, eyes red and puffy from crying. She started crying again when she saw Emma, and practically fell off of the couch trying to get into her arms.

"Oh, honey...shh, shh...it's okay. Mommy's here now."

She rocked Ellie until she calmed down. "Now what's this all about, hmm?" she asked as she tucked her daughters dark hair behind her ears. Ellie sniffled.

"I woke up and got scared."

"Why would you be scared, sweetheart? Your mom-mom and pawpaw are here to take care of you."

"But...I didn't know where you were or where Daddy was, or...or…"

Ellie's eyes filled with tears again and Emma held her close. "Oh, baby. It's okay. This was your first time not sleeping in our house. It's okay to be scared."

Ellie nodded, and Emma shared a knowing look with her mother.

"You know what, Ellie?"

"What?"

"Not that long ago, I spent the night in a new place far away from my mommy and daddy, and from your daddy too, and I was so sad. I know just how you feel."

"You were scared?"

"Yes, very. I didn't know when I would see them again. I felt so alone."

"How did you feel better?" Ellie asked.

Emma smiled and reached up towards her chest, pulling out her silver sailboat necklace from under her shirt. "This," she said, holding it up for Ellie to see.

"Your necklace?" the little girl asked in wonder.

"Mhm," Emma replied. "Your daddy gave this to me so that whenever I felt lonely or scared, I could hold onto it and remember that no matter how far apart we were, he loved me very much. And that I would see him again soon."

Ellie gingerly touched the sailboat. "That's nice. Daddy loves you a lot, huh Mommy?"

Emma smiled. "Yes, he does, very much. And he loves you, too. Now, do you want to go upstairs and try again? I'll stay with you, all night."

"Okay Mommy."

Together, the mothers and daughters made their way back upstairs. Emma led Ellie back to her room, which was her old bedroom. The two girls crawled into the bed together, and Emma's mother wished them goodnight. As Ellie drifted back off to sleep, Emma looked around the room as she laid next to her. Not much had changed in the room physically, but everything in her life had changed since the last night she slept in it. Thankfully, they were all good changes. Even still, part of her wished she could be Ellie's age again, when life was a little less complicated and she had a few less responsibilities. But the alternative meant not having Ellie, or the little one growing inside her, or Killian, or their house, her job...any of it. So she fell asleep feeling more grateful for her life than she had in awhile.

Not too long after she fell asleep, Emma awoke again to the sound of tapping on the window.

The window squeaked as she opened it slowly, trying not to wake Ellie.

"Hey, Swan," Killian said with a smile.

"You just couldn't resist, could you?" She asked, leaning forward to plant a kiss to his lips. As one hand held him braced against the window frame, the other drifted into Emma's hair, thumb tracing her jaw.

"Mm," he mumbled as the kiss broke apart. "It's been awhile since we did this, Swan. Me sneaking up to your roof and all."

"It has," she said, smiling. She held his hand and helped him hop down into the bedroom.

"How's our girl?" he whispered, when he saw Ellie laying in bed.

"She's okay now," Emma answered. "But she was really upset. I think maybe we should get her something like my necklace to make her feel better next time."

"Ah, the necklace story," he said, swaying into her space. Gently, he reached up and unclasped the necklace chain, letting it fall into his hand to inspect it. "I love that you still wear this, Swan. But you know, you have something else on you now to remind you of my love." He took her left hand in his right, pressing her wedding band and twisting it gently on her finger. She smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

She looked up at him again and leaned forward to kiss him, throwing her arms around his neck. His arms twisted around her back, pulling her close.

The next morning, Ellie noticed two things: both of her parents were there with her, and Mommy's sailboat necklace was hanging around her neck.

Once everyone was awake, they made their way downstairs, where David was making pancakes. Mary Margaret had already made coffee, and handed Killian a cup first with a knowing smile.

Once breakfast was over, Emma and Killian got ready to leave with Ellie. On the way out the door, Ellie stopped in her tracks. "Wait. Mommy? Daddy?"

"Yes?" "What, love?"

"Can I sleep over here again tonight?"

Killian crouched down in front of his little girl. "Are you absolutely sure, darling? I don't want you to get upset again in the middle of the night."

Ellie stood up straighter. "Yes, I'm sure. I have this now!" The girl's little fingers wrapped around her new necklace, and she held it up with a smile.

She continued. "I'll be okay, Daddy. I promise."

Killian laughed, and then looked up at Emma. "What do you say, love? Think she can handle it?"

Emma ruffled Ellie's hair and the little girl squealed. "Oh yeah, I know so."

After talking with her parents and getting Ellie settled again, Killian and Emma kissed her goodbye, and made their way back to Emma's car.

Once inside, Emma asked, "Wait, how did you get here last night?"

"Ran."

"You ran over to my parent's house at 3 in the morning?"

"Don't sound so surprised, Swan. You know I would do anything for my family….for you."

Emma smiled to herself, buckling her seat belt around her growing belly. "Yeah, I know."


End file.
